Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML
Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML
Today, my housemate picked me up from the psychiatric ward, after I'd spent ten days there with a major depressive episode. She said that she thought it rather odd that I'd gotten so bad, since she'd replaced my antidepressants with homeopathic pills. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
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Top comments
satanic_fml 13
Death is the new birth control
desoto96 9
I think that's why she took the birth control in the first place. So no.
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Comments (62)
007type 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
**** her.
desoto96 9
I think that's why she took the birth control in the first place. So no.
SuperDanielNL 23
At least you're safe now...
MyV6Thunderbird 1
I think what theyre saying is that now its safe
desoto96 9
Yea okay! Go screw her while she's in the hospital! Again. No.
nerdking21 10
Out of curiosity, is she a blonde?
NuTrees 9
90- is 72 a blonde too?
satanic_fml 13
Death is the new birth control
padlarf 14
And liver failure the new prescription med?
desoto96 9
Well I hope she's alright. Even though she's an idiot.
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
I've gotten incredibly sick from catching up on one pill. I can't imagine what a week's worth could do... She could have really messed up her hormones, not to mention the consequences of mixing and overdosing on prescriptions. She's lucky to be alive.
aaatomkins 3
This! I get really stupidly sick from more than one BC pill.
Sputnikspak 13
Well, taking two birth control pills together is essentially taking one dose of the morning after pill (then you'd take another two pills later), but it generally doesn't make you feel well. I have Lupus and a bunch of other problems, if I forget to take my meds I'm screwed. If I take a double dose? Well, then I have enough narcotics in me to knock out a junkie for a week. >.> I also get hormone injections (like Depo Provera, only stronger) every few months, and that knocks me flat on my ass for at least three days. I do NOT mess with my meds. Back when I was on Plaquenil (an anti-malarial that they use to treat Lupus), I'd forgotten I'd taken my nightly dose, so I took another dose. I don't think I could have had crazier nightmares on LSD. I thought there was a serial killer named Steve living in a trapdoor underneath the grocery store.
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
Lupus? House was right for once D: In all seriousness though, that sounds horrible. I thought it was bad that anything that says "may cause drowsiness" will cause me to fall asleep in public, regardless of where I am. I hope all goes well for you.
HaraAishi 8
50, I thought it was the equivalent of 5 pills. Of course, right now I don't have my back up. Well... it might depend on what you're on. Mine is Ortho Triclin Lo. I don't get sick from doubling up on two if they're within the same week. If I double up on the end of one and the beginning of the second, then I get problems.
Sputnikspak 13
#56 - ALL of my medications say 'may cause drowsiness' - and yet it's 4:10 AM and I'm still awake. NOT FUNNY, PILLS. I have 30mg of morphine (down from 100mg that I was taking a month ago), 30mg of Empracet, 10mg of Valium, and two Gravol pills (Dramamine in the US, basically an anti-nausea pill to make sure everything that's labelled 'may cause stomach upset' stays down - also known to cause drowsiness. My kingdom to sleep at night when I'm supposed to) - in my system, along with the usual hormones. I'm on a break from the anti-malarials at least, I *hate* those (those and the steroids - both make my hair fall out in bald patches, but the steroids made me throw up every night and not want to eat, and yet somehow gain 40lbs in the six weeks I was on them. NOT COOL, DRUGS!) *glances down at the 'Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital' t-shirt she is wearing* Well, it was Lupus once. Or maybe twice. I forget. I have up on House in the last season, but I was a huge fan before. My friends like to refer to my Lupus as my 'werewolf problem'. >.> I wish it were as easy as that. But it's been a few years since I was diagnosed, and I basically spent two years in therapy (physio and psych), plus stress-reducing technique classes - and had to learn not to live the high-octane, eight cups of coffee a day life that I used to. Means I probably won't be a creative director for an advertising agency by age 35 (I'm an illustrator/graphic designer), but it does mean I get to spend all day on the couch with the dog watching documentaries on Netflix. It could be worse. :) I still want a t-shirt that says 'IT'S NEVER LUPUS'. I would wear it everyday. Well everyday that isn't a hockey game that requires me to wear a jersey.
Kallian_fml 21
Maybe you could get her to take a months worth next time? We have to find ways to protect the human gene pool.
Zomg_Okay 27
Its quite simple, honestly. We remove the warning labels from absolutely everything and the problem will sort itself out.
Bluekaren16 19
"Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding. The cretins cloning and feeding"
poccocurantes 7
and I don't even own a tv.
ninjaghost99 10
They don't read the warning labels anyway do were good...
ICastillo 25
Well I hope she is very pretty to make up for all the dumb.
meow_jess 11
Really? Explain to me what does physical appearance has to do with intelligence?
killmoose 5
If you're dumb but hot, one can overlook the dumb. It doesn't really work the other way though...
SoSickWithIt 14
Okay 20, only if you explain to us why'd you'd want to date a girl who is both unintelligent, and fugly.
ICastillo 25
#20 So she at least has something going for her.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I made you guys a graph. :) Assuming all else is equal, would you rather date person (a), or person (b)? L | . .(b) o | . . o | . . k | . .(a) s |______________ Smarts
Catkam623 27
Is there a c you know | c H| O| T|________________________ Smarts If so ill take c **** b marry a kill
KiddNYC1O 22
You should be a math teacher...
mandachea10 8
Wow..you must consider yourself the fmlest of all the fmlers to take your time with this comment..your my new FML idol. Hah..I'm just not on your level.
mandachea10 8
Excuse me that was for 32.
mimiminx 23
#34 your graph is shit.
Catkam623 27
It actually wasn't bad when I typed it on my phone well it was at least straight so my bad.
gc327072 31
Holy shit! She may be fine, but her liver must be completely clusterfucked, she should definitely have that checked.
Lant 6
Thats why she went to the er bro
gc327072 31
Oh yea... Well it's just one of those days.
evilplatypus 39
8 ~ Thank you for that wonderful bit of insight. I'm sure the doctors in the ER never would have thought of that...~
gc327072 31
Alright smartass I already said it wasn't the greatest of comments.
crazytwinsmom 25
Does she also think small pet lizards will grow up to be big dinosaurs?
kallemyster 6
Aware.
LebanonBaby 26
LOOOOOOLLL
aliyourpally 12
Wow..I don't have the words to express how stupid she is.
abrookec2011 14
6: The other prescription pills are probably the reason for the hospital visit.
freshberries22 17
Omg I couldn't imagine how your girlfriend felt I get sick from doubling up in one day. Oh goodness your girlfriend did not apply common sense to that situation.
4ube_fml 6
Bro you should never double. Ever. You must take the one you forgot less than 12h after the normal hour, and then take the next one normally. If you double it means you're 24h away from the forgotten one. In that case you should not take anything, have your menstruation early, then start again a new tab. And use condoms in the meantime for at least a month >_>