Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, we had a sprint race in gym class that I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML
Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML
Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML
Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, my music students began a lively debate about whether or not a music stand would make a good weapon for the zombie apocalypse. What am I teaching them? FML
Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML
Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
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Top comments
Laterial 3
Gotta love Zombieland!
frutoish 0
That's what got me going. Gotta survive the zombie apocalypse.
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Comments (343)
b1gphil 6
very true :P
knightsfb 0
Love that movie...remember to limber up op
CattyPurry 0
2009 - Jenna Rose 2010 - Justin Bieber 2011 - Rebecca Black 2012 - Zombie apocalypse REPENT, REPENT, REPENT!
dolphincheddar 10
The slow ones Always die first. Just like in fast predators and slow children from family guy
flockz 19
and enjoy the little things. not sure what that exactly means though...
jayalexander 7
and don't forget the double tap rule!
AaronTkr 0
lol. isn't part of the plot in that movie finding a Twinkie? I'd suggest watching something else if your trying to motivate yourself to lose weight.
YayFlameWarz 9
You dont need speed, you need some guns.
Aim4thebullseye 4
Mmm zombieland much?
R34luver 5
64- nooo you need more Vodka!!
zachherbert 10
you could loose weight OR you could surround yourself with slower friends.
kwchambers92 10
not bad for that scrawny little spit ****
Teegsxx 16
#24: Twinkies.
This2Rudy 7
Zombieland!!
Slim2306 10
Realistically you just need 100 outward facing treadmills to surround your house with and a gun with lots of ammo... And a sandwich.
VeroAnne 11
Hey..whatever keeps you going :) good job.
victimization 0
why do all that work? just get fat friends. you don't have to be fast, just faster than a few friends
tatababe 1
Run OP run the zombies are coming!!!
SuperPineApple 0
Or you can get some Juggernog and pack-a-punch your guns. It works for me
chuckychan 8
dont forget to find a guy who likes twinkies and dont kill bill murray please
carolinabreathin 0
I actually think you're my favorite person ever. :3
nilin95 1
**** ya zombie land all the way hoot hoot!
iPoopMusic 0
In the movies, zombies are slow as ****. You get caught because you wear yourself out. My tip: take your time, and don't shit your pants.
aFatFuck 0
If you're going by that logic then if you're black you're screwed....horror movies always kill the black character first...
FurryPride 9
insert some zombieland rule here
glenzhao2 16
OP. Why are you saying FML? This is amazing!
AaronTkr 0
isn't part of the plot to zombieland finding a Twinkie? if your looking to lose weight i think you should reconsider watching that movie.
bulldog0996 0
Cod much?
frutoish 0
That's what got me going. Gotta survive the zombie apocalypse.
RainXD 0
Zombieland!!!!
RainXD 0
Zombieland!!!!
kameryn25 3
you're fine as long as you follow the rules 1. cardio 2. The double tap 3. beware of bathrooms 4. wear seat belts 5. travel light 6. get a kick ass partner 7. don't swing low 8. use your foot 9. always carry a change of underwear 10. limber up 11. it's a marathon, not a sprint, unless it's a sprint then sprint 12. avoid strip clubs 13. when in doubt know your way out 14. shoot first 15. a little sun screen never hurt anybody 16. double-knot your shoes 17. the buddy system 18. pack your stain stick 19. check the back seat 20. enjoy the little things
YayorNay 8
95, I agree with everything but the strip club. Whats better than zombie strippers?
OrgasmicBunnies 9
You forgot 17, don't be a hero.
jonn090 13
I would hide on a white castle if one were to happen Locked in where they stash the burgers is a better plan than running
RandomBanana_324 0
I don't get how this is an FML I bet everyone those that :) don't feel bad :)
facilitator 0
forget the sharpend shovel, go for an E-tool (google it) or my personal favorite, a titanium crowbar
LeGiTbUrN 0
U will take along time to recover from
LeGiTbUrN 0
U will take along time to recover from the first swing on the e-tool I'd rather use a ballistic knife or my favorite a chainsaw
jren207 24
Brains!
pman590 8
What does YDI mean? you deserved it or you dumb idiot?
RetardedChipmunk 7
Both in combination
jacob12311 4
I thought it was Your Dumb Idea
cblt2007 0
your pic matches your comment :D
idontcare8l 3
103 - lol thats funny cause for the first little while i thought it meant you dumb idiot too
fijianchick 0
...wow o.O
genesisnirvana 11
It's true.They always fall down and break something making the zombie's job easier
juliahockey 0
I love zombieland! But it's true, it's rule #1, cardio. The first ones to go, for obvious reasons, are the fatties.
txgirl2013 14
Someone isn't gonna survive the zombie apocalypse
Laterial 3
Gotta love Zombieland!
jayalexander 7
time to nut up or shutup
emmanizzer 6
You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle?
luna4545 4
Don't be stingy with your bullets..always double tap.
johnnybagodonuts 2
wait....you're not a zombie, you're ok THE HELL I AM!!!!!
KiddNYC1O 20
Always wear your seatbelt!
xShannonxSammyx 7
Don't be a hero!
SweetJTBR 22
Rule Number 1 Cardio. Gotta enjoy the little things too... I Love Twinkies...
tanntann 0
Also remember dont be bill ****** murry
Squirrelx 5
Always check the backseat. :)
bluebob13 10
Beware of bathrooms:)
King4aDay 0
haha I love the intro song!! for whom the bell tolls by metallica!!
King4aDay 0
haha I love the intro song!! for whom the bell tolls by metallica!!
pandybear2083 5
Never get on those dropping type rides when zombies r chasing you... it never turns out good!!
bjulie1998 5
Bill ****** Murray!
SoSolidSingh 2
Poor fat bastards :-)
LuukBaas 0
i've been watching your movies ever since i was able to **********, not that there's a connection
Susieee_Q 9
Limber up! (:
xXCODGODXx 11
i love that movie
gabsta 3
The last time i cried like that was at the end of Titanic!
hollyman 0
I ******* hate clowns!
muscleglasses 0
..going to shit in my pants for which there is a precedent.. -columbus
DAILURE 0
Your comment was my thought exactly when I first read this FML :P
completedumbass 0
HEY rules are ment to be broken..... Be a hero
completedumbass 0
"no twinkes" said little rock "shit ****!" said talehasse
Mcp12 0
Good for you but this is not an FML.
marsrover12 0
I live zombieland
ALlamaOnFire 20
^^ You live in zombieland? I worry for your safety! Limber up my brother!
Person1233 12
You're going to improve your quality of life and you're complaining?
TeeHee124 0
um... yeah, that's pretty much what the OP said, thanks for, er, clarifying that...
Jdeluxh 12
50- I don't think you understand what 7 was trying to say. 7- I agree. Why is this an FML?
itsrainingmen_fml 0
I don't know whether to put "I agree your life sucks" or "you deserved it". Is this really an fml?
KiddNYC1O 20
Nice try, 50.
iEatGuppies 0
right? OP: your upset because you have to work out? not really an FML.
cblt2007 0
ya 50 pretty much..er.. failed.
TheMasticater 9
Yeah seriously how is this an FML?
DogReypistPANDA 6
Yeah, that's what I was thinking... How is this an FML? Good job on working out though :)
j0emo 4
this makes me laugh. (:
darklight549 2
ZOMBIELAND!!!!!!!!!
qtip14 0
Exactly what I was thinking. Poor fat guy.... Hahah
reptileguy1296 0
Best movie ever! I was waiting for someone to say it...
SCREAM4meeee 0
"poor fat bastard."
TeeHee124 0
did this remind anyone else of penises, or is that just me?
jren207 24
Probably just you. But whatever floats your boat.
TeeHee124 0
Really, no one? Your loss, guys.
Shadow4i5 3
Still doesn't
TeeHee124 0
what's with all the thumbs down? Mine was a great comment.
jren207 24
49, Too much penis.
MXXD17 0
glad you realized your problem