By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 23:00

Zoomed out

Today, I had a low blood sugar attack and almost passed out during class while over Zoom, which my professor then decided to bring attention to by calling me out for "sighing" about the research paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1499

You deserved it

142

Tweet

Share

TMI

They're everywhere

Get the message, dude

By Anonymous - 31/5/2020 02:03

Priorities

Today my husband cried tears of joy because we now have dates for : 1 - When our son can go back to school, and 2 - When the pubs will reopen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1144

You deserved it

288

Tweet

Share

By jaydiv - Australia

Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9542

You deserved it

36318

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4238

You deserved it

1014

Tweet

Share

By caesarinozeppeli

Today, after ordering it four weeks ago, I finally got the expensive figurine that I'd been wanting. Also today, my brother jizzed onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3999

You deserved it

377

Tweet

Share

By -_-" - United States - Vestal

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42116

You deserved it

9008

Tweet

Share

By badhabit

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1735

You deserved it

1516

Tweet

Share

By itsellie27 - United Kingdom - London

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26144

You deserved it

46723

Tweet

Share

By ctop - United States

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39354

You deserved it

8400

Tweet

Share

By hi Mum - United States - North Charleston

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60133

You deserved it

5176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

I agree, your life sucks

59611

You deserved it

9779

Tweet

Share

By mellbelle32 - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43065

You deserved it

3474

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45088

You deserved it

5025

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4524

You deserved it

1474

Tweet

Share

By clapping_for_you

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

I agree, your life sucks

3130

You deserved it

370

Tweet

Share

By xenutja - 29/1/2021 13:02 - United States - Amery

Hate sex

Today, I found out why my boyfriend always has sex with me like he hates me. Turns out, he actually hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

847

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/8/2020 20:01

Bad news

Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1770

You deserved it

94

Tweet

Share

By nicholascageonyourface - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62307

You deserved it

5127

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70730

You deserved it

7340

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Impressive hairstyle

Today, I went to the hairdresser and changed my hairstyle drastically. It wasn't until she was nearly done that she said, "I just KNEW this style wasn't going to suit you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1945

You deserved it

252

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Placentia

Today, I cleaned out my house and placed multiple boxes of clothes and books in my two-seated truck to take to the Goodwill. While turning onto the highway, everything tumbled on top of me, sending me crashing into a guardrail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20508

You deserved it

8404

Tweet

Share

By fmbadluck - 29/10/2020 12:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Drive

Today, I set a new record: two fender benders in less than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

668

You deserved it

369

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59356

You deserved it

3576

Tweet

Share

By beaverfever - Poland - Kolobrzeg

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47189

You deserved it

10733

Tweet

Share

By bronzemedal97 - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48493

You deserved it

3203

Tweet

Share

By neckcrack - Australia

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19127

You deserved it

23969

Tweet

Share

By nothanks - United States

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57786

You deserved it

5457

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21939

You deserved it

3966

Tweet

Share

By Jen

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40791

You deserved it

6305

Tweet

Share

By jlmbull - United States - Lansing

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27993

You deserved it

1849

Tweet

Share

By married and hates - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38258

You deserved it

5596

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38094

You deserved it

4166

Tweet

Share

By Catcrap! - United States - Rialto

Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47211

You deserved it

6353

Tweet

Share

By preggo - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35865

You deserved it

4160

Tweet

Share

By benoit - France

Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18030

You deserved it

33626

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 08:00

Frustration

Today, my wife is still refusing all forms of sex, because she thinks if she gets pregnant during lockdown, she’ll be the butt of all her friends' jokes about what people get up to to relieve the lockdown boredom. I know what I’d like to be getting up to right now to relieve my boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1857

You deserved it

311

Tweet

Share

By wtf - India

Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25463

You deserved it

4070

Tweet

Share

By mandm - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39174

You deserved it

4922

Tweet

Share

By awkwardmandy - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22426

You deserved it

2347

Tweet

Share

By öKANEö - United States - San Marcos

Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra II teacher about whether or not water is wet. The student became so frustrated he threw a stapler across the room. Guess who got hit in the head and is currently bleeding pints in the nurse's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4708

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By cbrocks - United States

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33070

You deserved it

3860

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Baby_123 | 8

#7906787 - Sunday 17 May 2020 4:19

oOf

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7908557 - Sunday 24 May 2020 20:56

Why can’t people carry snacks for when that happens?

COMMENTS

By Baby_123 | 8

#7906787 - Sunday 17 May 2020 4:19

oOf

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7908557 - Sunday 24 May 2020 20:56

Why can’t people carry snacks for when that happens?