Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
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Top comments
SirEBC 7
I find this FML offensive. How the **** would you feel if a swollen tomato said "My farmer grew me for too long and now I look like a girl with a nasty spot on her chin. FML" Yeah, it wouldn't feel too good, would it?
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
I once had the unfortunate experience of being a tomato, my advice is to avoid your Italian part of town. Papa Giuseppe is still after me.
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Comments (68)
Bobissmall 13
Not sure if FYL or YDI... FYL if you had used it before and had no problems, but YDI if you had never tried it before and took the risk of being allergic or making it more inflamed
SirEBC 7
I find this FML offensive. How the **** would you feel if a swollen tomato said "My farmer grew me for too long and now I look like a girl with a nasty spot on her chin. FML" Yeah, it wouldn't feel too good, would it?
mask724 7
Wait ? WTF!!!? ??
NancyDeebensDPDS 0
mask: just, just, no.
disneydork96 0
Hahah 15 nice
LuckyLogic 0
lmao
catnip216 0
You realize this site is meant as a place for people to come and bitch right? Don't scold them for using it for it's purpose. You really think everyone on here *actually* believes their life is ****** because of the problem they've posted, or that nobody else has a worse problem than them? No. They don't. So get off your high horse.
sallen0046 4
A prime example of why you never apply any new product to your face directly before you have something important to do. Unless you're familiar with the product or ingredients, you shouldn't have used it in the first place.
Bobissmall 13
Hmph. Basically saying what i said, but it was much better explained so i'll let you off ;D
alex1432 9
ohhh god that was great
DocBastard 38
1) Replace acne cream with sulfuric acid 2) Supply cream to sister prior to her hot date 3) Watch hilarity ensue
SirEBC 7
Someone please moderate 29.
MushyLuvsU 0
Is it weird that your picture makes me horny? No? Good. :D
theLOVELYjessica 0
Haha thats funny, shoulda not used it
BT14 5
wow
alexsmokesdro91 0
hey!
briidontgive_ 0
I dontt understand why you didn't jus put makeup on it like everyother girl out theree
jess6blondie9 2
Most of the time putting make up over it just makes it more noticeable.
5t3ff1k4h 44
Not if it's done right.
Shawnee_dear 10
Maybe she doesn't own coverup. I know I don't.
Sour_Soul88 1
thats actully a good question. it woulda made her life less complacated