chew toy This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff Newcastle Upon Tyne, United Kingdom

Tasty

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

11 comments

Collection

Fall

Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.

Same thing different taste

DamnDogs This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff United States

Snappy

Today, at work as a groomer's assistant, my boss said something that I didn't catch as I went to take a leash off a dog. I looked at my boss and said, "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

22 comments

bigscarypuppy 22 August 2009, 05:39 United States

Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turned to my dog and said, "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML

81 comments

Anonymous This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff Netherlands

The left hand, the right hand

Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML

52 comments

Anonymous This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff United States

Naughty girl

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice, then we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside, she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

44 comments

Username This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Instant cure

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

245 comments

crapped on This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff United States

Second class citizen

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML

118 comments

Morgan This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff United States

The ending of Lost explained

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

118 comments

gss This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff United States

Customized

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

61 comments

Anonymous This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff United Kingdom

Zit remedy

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML