Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, I was teaching my grandma how to use her new tablet. After explaining and setting everything up, I left her alone to check her email. When I came back, she'd somehow "mistakenly" sent an email to our entire family with the subject line "Help! My grandson thinks I'm a dipshit and has kidnapped me!" FML
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Top comments
grajax 24
Superstitions are the dumbest.
pjsr 33
Maybe show her how you can speak sign language with that left hand
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Comments (60)
flamingarrow59 21
how old is your grandma? did she live in the 1st century?
magpie2369 9
my grandma actually trained my aunt to do everything right handed and it confused her brain and caused her to be dyslexic
piinksock 17
It wasn't too long ago people were really weird about it. I'm only 30 and I was hit every day at school when I was 5 for being left handed. I had an older lady for a teacher. I'd say she was 50. My mum who is also left handed went up to school and tore her a new one when she found out.
1nertia 15
I already knew I was unladylike, didn't realise it was me being left handed that was the cause.
Gorebabee17 10
Leftys are the best! ?
yaaaymomstatus88 15
wwhhat! I'm lefty :)
infinitemonkey 21
YDI it you leftist pinko commie. (Seriously, she's losing it. Just pat her on the head--with your right hand!--and say I love you, Grandma. I miss my Grandma, dementia and all.)
lexiieeex3 32
Try asking her if stabbing her with the pen is "unladylike" as well
amanda182 19
Why would you stab your grandma with a pen? Even if she was being a bitch..?
daddysgirl243 21
insulting people isn't very ladylike either
hard_candy 25
well lefties are supposed to be smarter, but y'all have a shorter lifespan supposedly. statistics
leogachi 15
@22 That's because thousands of us die every year from using products intended for right handed people.
Witchylady 18
Start speaking in tongues. That will really send her over the edge
LadyLuck93 20
Back in the days writing with ur left hand was a sin & was considered devil affiliation. Ridiculous I know, but most likely thats a reason why she went loco on you. Dont even take it personally. You cant wrestle the old fashioned thinkers, its not worth it.