Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking my big, fat, fluffy old dog when I saw my crush. I waved enthusiastically, but my dog chose that moment to squat down and unleash a string of poop. My crush looked horrified as I tried to scoop it up while still waving. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park, and he ran straight into a group of people having a picnic. Naturally, he grabbed the biggest piece of meat in sight and ran off with it. As I chased him, I tripped and fell in front of everyone. My dog then sat and chewed the meat in front of me. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when I slipped on some mud and fell onto my ass. As I fell, I let go of the leash, and my dog just stood there, staring at me in what seemed like curious judgment. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML
Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML
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Top comments
maz95 17
Your dog was just showing off what your crush is missing.
electrorange 13
Maybe a preview of things to come!
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Comments (80)
challan 19
Give your dog a bone man! Wait... Your dog just gave you one.
ndnpride88 25
One word " hillarious"
buddy51 23
Five words: don't be a grammar nazi!!!
Ozxkar 6
Smart dog, always got your back.
DocBastard 40
Congratulations! You just took the Freudian slip to a whole new level.
kurodansei 16
Best. Comment. Ever. .
bReLiNg 18
Memories! Make a conversation out of it.
allard 14
"Yeah, remember that time my dog ****** me in the park? Ahh, good times, good memories".
wholikesbacon 9
I agree with #50, I'm not sure that would be nice conversation.
Enzi_fml 21
He's just jealous! ;)
upallnight11 19
I'm sorry, but this is so funny! I wish I was able to see it with my own eyes.
perdix 31
He needed to make his move before your crush did. Typical male thinking.
ManInTheMachine 20
Your dog was just making sure your crush knew who the REAL boss was at home. I mean shit, he even has you taking him on walks! You obviously have no idea who is really running things in your household.
eaglerob 20
I've heard of guys using dogs to pick up girls, but not using a girl to pick up a dog. First date home run :)
amifaiyaz 12
at least one of them is interested in you.
perdix 31
#24, men are dogs, once they see another dog is interested in you, they suddenly become interested in you, even if they ignored you in the past.