Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the... - FML

By Gamergirl137 - 16/1/2016 02:28 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

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White line fever

The opposite of a good idea

Weird kid

By scammed - 18/12/2011 05:18 - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

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By babyblues - 20/11/2012 19:45 - United States - Woodhaven

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2019 22:05 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing to combat my B.O. Extra strength degreaser. FML

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By NoCookForYou - 22/8/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

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By dusk - 5/1/2012 08:09 - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

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By QueenCee - 2/4/2015 02:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at work, a guy complained about me "touching his fries." At first I thought it was a joke, because he kept smiling, even after I offered him new ones. I realized it wasn't a joke when he threw the fries on the counter. FML

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By ApparentlyATerribleDaughter - 12/8/2018 15:00

Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and knocked out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML

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By kagan - 8/8/2019 14:00

Today, the only food in the house is canned beans and vegetables that I can’t stand. My dad refuses to go to the store because, "we can't afford it." Meanwhile, my stepmom just came home with a brand new Gucci purse. FML

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By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/3/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

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By anonymous - 28/12/2011 18:03 - Canada

Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML

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By sadkid - 25/9/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

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By LameChef - 10/3/2015 18:43 - Poland

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

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By coward - 3/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

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By eyesightfail - 21/11/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML

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By luceeloo - 23/11/2016 22:10

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

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By jbhadafuckedupday - 15/3/2018 01:30

Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 01:22 - United States - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

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By jobless - 7/2/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

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By Justincredible69 - 29/6/2015 20:29 - United States

Today, I was legitimately sick so I called in to work. Apparently, 4 other guys on my line called in too. My boss thought we planned it. Now we're all written up. FML

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By supapimpin - 25/9/2012 15:09 - United States

Today, my wife of four years revealed to me that she once had sex with six men at once back in college. Apparently she still fantasizes about it when we have sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2012 05:21 - United States

Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML

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By happymum - 30/9/2011 11:10 - Netherlands

Today, I lost my watch at the pool. After giving a detailed description of it at the desk, I was really happy to hear someone had found it and handed it in. Too bad I was too late, because someone had already claimed it. FML

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By caisse à outs - 23/9/2015 01:06 - France - Saint Quentin

Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML

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By jonloran - 14/8/2015 09:08 - United States - Incline Village

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

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By Franigirl - 26/2/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2014 15:14 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

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By teapotrevolt - 2/3/2015 20:40 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while laughing at a jogger that fell down while running, I choked on my French fries. They had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

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By pignose - 5/9/2019 02:01

Nose job

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML

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By Preggers - 14/3/2017 20:00

Such a helpful kitty!

Today, my cat has taken it upon herself to provide for the heavily pregnant lady. So far I've been presented with a mouse and 3 birds. I know they're for me because she meows until I see them, then walks away again. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2012 16:41 - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

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By aishyaslife89 - 6/10/2015 22:03 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

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By AloneAgainNaturally - 9/9/2016 21:03 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

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By lovelesslonely - 12/10/2010 17:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

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By iamsolid - 20/10/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother then confided in me that she suspected it was a prank to get more money from our family. FML

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By FroggyGirl888 - 12/10/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

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By ollie_ollivia - 11/7/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2009 10:41 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

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By rune breaker - 23/8/2018 22:05

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

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By Alexander D. - 14/7/2012 00:48 - United States

Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML

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By yarenis - 24/12/2013 10:45 - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

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Top comments

By Avi8r | 22

#6512099 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:48

That was pretty immature of both of them

By TripleATeam | 13

#6512101 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:49

Well, at least your boyfriend wanted your ex to know he lost something great. Too bad it didn't work out.

Comments

By nyenisu | 14

#6512098 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:48

Yikes..

By Avi8r | 22

#6512099 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:48

That was pretty immature of both of them

Reply

trellz17 | 19

#6512155 - Saturday 16 January 2016 20:52

It's not immature for her ex to laugh at the situation. No one got hurt.

Reply

SBurrke | 11

#6512214 - Saturday 16 January 2016 22:36

As if you wouldn't laugh when you saw that? Bullshit.

Reply

Angelkisses130 | 26

#6512531 - Sunday 17 January 2016 6:58

I don't think it's immature- I'd love for my bf to smack my booty in front of an ex because it's a way of my bf saying, "she's mine"

Reply

PANDORUM89 | 21

#6512895 - Sunday 17 January 2016 19:09

idky you got down voted. I'd like that too! or an 'in your face" ass grab.

By Enkeria | 30

#6512100 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:48

Well, I can certainly see why he's your ex. I do advise keeping the butt slapping to a minimum though.

Reply

itsalanis | 24

#6512190 - Saturday 16 January 2016 22:01

Tell that to the boyfriend, not the op.

By TripleATeam | 13

#6512101 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:49

Well, at least your boyfriend wanted your ex to know he lost something great. Too bad it didn't work out.

By hfslkp47012759 | 28

#6512105 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:50

Baby got back

Reply

aahm1403 | 5

#6512523 - Sunday 17 January 2016 6:53

Why the dislikes, lol? Thumbs up people :/

By Reider022 | 16

#6512116 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:55

This one depends on how bad the breakup went, but either way you have another bf now so don't overthink it just move on.

By stangbang92 | 17

#6512117 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:56

Sorry but if I saw a girl get spanked and then mess all over her self while choking on food and the boyfriend profusely apologizing. I'd be laughing my ass off.

By fuckfuckityfuck | 16

#6512119 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:57

Him laughing at you wouldn't justify you slapping him. Because if he slapped you back, you would try to act like you were a victim even though you brought it upon your own self.

By Mathalamus | 24

#6512121 - Saturday 16 January 2016 19:59

I would not approve of this, because it isn't mature...

Reply

willsnow18 | 11

#6512181 - Saturday 16 January 2016 21:35

seriously, what defines as mature these days?

Reply

DexBanWhore | 6

#6512421 - Sunday 17 January 2016 4:58

What part of this wasn't mature? assuming that the current bf knew that was the exs place of work and did that yea that's a little immature but if he didn't the only immature one is you

By Y0UI34574RD | 15

#6512126 - Saturday 16 January 2016 20:01

Is your boyfriend seven or eight years old by chance?