Love: Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 108

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

16/01/2016 02:28

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 416

You deserved it 2 578

Sorry grandma

The Conquest of Bread

Nice Dream

02/12/2013 20:04

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 561

You deserved it 27 999

Grossed out

By Jodi Sanford - 09/10/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my roommate to spit in the toilet instead of the sink so I wouldn't have to touch it. When I rinsed the sink after brushing my teeth, he said, "Why would you touch the sink? It’s gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 245

05/03/2009 18:45

Spicy

Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 227

You deserved it 3 480

09/01/2009 08:54

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 129

You deserved it 7 567

26/03/2013 11:40

Today, my daughter got selected to pick music for a funeral. She only listens to Nikki Minaj. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 322

You deserved it 5 722

Bounced

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 20:00

Today, I was at a metal concert and I met a really cute girl. We got talking, and started getting close. We were about to kiss during the transitional period between 2 bands, but I was then pulled away by her father, who owned the venue. I was thrown out. Before the main act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 219

18/12/2008 03:38

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 255

You deserved it 27 043

13/06/2019 00:30

Today, we went to a nice place by a river to have a BBQ. Someone then asked if we could move the fireplace somewhere else, so we went to check another spot. We came back to find a dog had eaten all the meat we'd brought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 844

26/07/2009 04:37

Spicy

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 657

You deserved it 7 579

The age-old story

By Anonymous - 11/06/2020 02:01

Today, the girl I’ve been crushing over for so long told me that I’m a great guy and a catch, but then went on to tell me all about the other guy she’s been sleeping with. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 211

Priorities

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:58

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 926

You deserved it 1 830

03/11/2011 10:56

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 461

You deserved it 10 474

Believe her next time

By KICKxASSxNINJA - 26/09/2020 08:02

Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 155

30/05/2019 10:43

Today, I went with my boyfriend of 10 months to rent a car, for which he needed his dad to sign for. To avoid introducing me, he banished me to the nearest airport terminal, and picked me up 45 minutes later, around 11:30 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 297

22/10/2012 10:54

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 371

You deserved it 1 885

01/11/2009 14:36

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 287

You deserved it 3 427

21/02/2011 19:20

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 294

You deserved it 6 502

08/12/2013 16:49

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 665

You deserved it 4 108

29/01/2018 13:00

Today, I wore a coat that was too tight. The button gave way and quickly flew about ten feet to hit my very attractive new coworker right in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 797

You deserved it 944

22/09/2010 05:38

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 819

You deserved it 2 532

Caught in 4K

By Frank S. - 17/06/2021 19:59

Spicy

Today, I was about to enter a hotel with a friend-with-benefits. We then saw her boyfriend exiting the same hotel with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 1 572

23/09/2009 11:28

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 604

You deserved it 4 803

20/10/2013 20:34

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 314

You deserved it 3 589

Mid-life crisis

By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 828

You deserved it 2 465

13/12/2010 05:32

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 433

You deserved it 5 169

Thanks for coming in, Mr Belch

By ZG1 - 13/02/2021 20:00

Today, I burped and sneezed during a job interview, I don’t think they were impressed by my talents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 213

03/11/2014 19:06

Spicy

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 128

You deserved it 4 915

09/07/2016 02:26

Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 752

You deserved it 989

09/11/2012 16:23

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 755

You deserved it 8 074

Bastard Bambi busts bumper

By SugarCoat - 08/06/2017 18:00

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 668

You deserved it 609

13/04/2016 16:41

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 858

You deserved it 6 704

04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 279

05/10/2018 15:30

Today, I saw an old high school friend I haven't seen in years and decided to sneak up to surprise him. In the last 15 years he became a soldier and a Muay Thai martial artist. My arm is numb and I think I may be peeing blood. Never sneak up behind a soldier. It really hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 3 071

21/01/2014 06:25

Today, I found out that even after three years, my boyfriend's mother replies, "Unfortunately" when asked if we are still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 507

You deserved it 4 127

26/08/2014 21:46

Spicy

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 605

You deserved it 6 625

22/02/2013 10:25

Today, I walked 6 miles to see my girlfriend. After 5 and a half miles, she broke up with me because I never visit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 578

You deserved it 3 940

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 14:29

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 571

25/05/2012 19:55

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 881

You deserved it 2 510

Walked into that one

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 09:01

Today, I stopped by McDonald's with my brother. I asked him what he wanted and I repeated his order. The lady said, "We don't have that here." I stupidly answered, "That's weird. We have it where I come from," and she replied, "Where did you come from honey, 1995?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 518

21/08/2015 05:55

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 319

You deserved it 5 403

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Top comments

Avi8r 22

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:48

That was pretty immature of both of them

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:49

Well, at least your boyfriend wanted your ex to know he lost something great. Too bad it didn't work out.

Comments

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:48

Yikes..

Avi8r 22

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:48

That was pretty immature of both of them

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Saturday 16 January 2016 20:52

It's not immature for her ex to laugh at the situation. No one got hurt.

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Saturday 16 January 2016 22:36

As if you wouldn't laugh when you saw that? Bullshit.

Angelkisses130 26

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Sunday 17 January 2016 6:58

I don't think it's immature- I'd love for my bf to smack my booty in front of an ex because it's a way of my bf saying, "she's mine"

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Sunday 17 January 2016 19:09

idky you got down voted. I'd like that too! or an 'in your face" ass grab.

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:48

Well, I can certainly see why he's your ex. I do advise keeping the butt slapping to a minimum though.

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Saturday 16 January 2016 22:01

Tell that to the boyfriend, not the op.

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:49

Well, at least your boyfriend wanted your ex to know he lost something great. Too bad it didn't work out.

hfslkp47012759 28

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:50

Baby got back

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Sunday 17 January 2016 6:53

Why the dislikes, lol? Thumbs up people :/

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:55

This one depends on how bad the breakup went, but either way you have another bf now so don't overthink it just move on.

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:56

Sorry but if I saw a girl get spanked and then mess all over her self while choking on food and the boyfriend profusely apologizing. I'd be laughing my ass off.

fuckfuckityfuck 16

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:57

Him laughing at you wouldn't justify you slapping him. Because if he slapped you back, you would try to act like you were a victim even though you brought it upon your own self.

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Saturday 16 January 2016 19:59

I would not approve of this, because it isn't mature...

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Saturday 16 January 2016 21:35

seriously, what defines as mature these days?

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Sunday 17 January 2016 4:58

What part of this wasn't mature? assuming that the current bf knew that was the exs place of work and did that yea that's a little immature but if he didn't the only immature one is you

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Saturday 16 January 2016 20:01

Is your boyfriend seven or eight years old by chance?