Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug-addicted friends into my home while I was away, where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
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Top comments
QueenPersephone 9
The logic of this drunk guy bothers me. Why steal someones keys and then take a cab home?
FYLDeep 26
That's why you keep your keys in your pocket.
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Comments (70)
JNaftel 0
start kicking some ass.
hnz 13
how could you put something valuable left at the table unattended
rmsully8 0
that stinks
ImaginaryFoe 1
This. I'd hate to say anyone deserves to have their things stolen because it feels awful but why would you (or your friend) leave your stuff lying around unattended? You couldn't possibly know and trust everyone at the wedding.
QueenPersephone 9
The logic of this drunk guy bothers me. Why steal someones keys and then take a cab home?
sleephunters 8
He's drunk; nothing logical is running through his brain.
_TONGAN_ 5
man #34 I thought that poem in your profile was who you were but then you put the writers name at the end lol
ElMundio87 0
because drink driving is dangerous, duh
seabass32 0
Y'all should have known better than to trust your things around random drunk guys... even at a wedding.
Jimboom 12
Speak with the Bride and groom. Find out who the guy was, they will likely know where he is staying and get them (as they likely know him more than you would) to call that asshole and make him come back to give back the keys. I hate it when drunk people do things like this thinking it will be funny and then in their drunken state forget to either tell you or give them back. It's like a punchline without a joke.
1121osu2110 0
this isn't an fml this is a fyfl. but that does suck.
Perplex_fml 2
wow
skullbashd 3
and especially a drunk guy cuz if you were signing in he would have to run out the door you just came in from and I imagine henwiuldnt be hard to stop