Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating...

By f_ck_U - 21/9/2011 06:47 - China

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12156

You deserved it

58649

Favorite

f_ck_U Say more :

more than 100 means those confirmed and posted FMLs. That 500 are those unconfirmed which need you to click Y or N.

Work

Instadrama

Compassion

Long story short

By FarmerGirl - 9/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Brossard

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32014

You deserved it

3665

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/9/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33581

You deserved it

18660

Favorite

By oww - 15/11/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30114

You deserved it

3356

Favorite

By BW - 7/6/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79541

You deserved it

6249

Favorite

By BowlofCherries - 22/5/2012 02:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25353

You deserved it

5246

Favorite

By clutzymama - 10/7/2015 04:27 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24261

You deserved it

16215

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/6/2018 15:00

Today, I was brutally tackled and detained by a group of people until the police arrived, because I fit the description of a wanted criminal who was featured on the news. This isn't the first time this has happened, and no style change I've tried has been able to avert it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3627

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39487

You deserved it

2914

Favorite

By Bambi113 - 9/6/2016 19:07 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12834

You deserved it

902

Favorite

By neednewfriends - 19/12/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I ran into the living room when I heard the smoke alarm going off. Turns out, my friend thought it was a good idea to melt a plastic cup on my floor heater. He also thought the best way to put it out was to urinate on it. My house smells like burnt pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32256

You deserved it

2918

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/1/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28343

You deserved it

10169

Favorite

By lolgarbl - 26/2/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59136

You deserved it

2753

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/9/2011 16:30 - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31316

You deserved it

2639

Favorite

By sdeeter - 29/4/2013 13:39 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44726

You deserved it

9099

Favorite

By mack - 25/10/2009 08:54 - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26650

You deserved it

7095

Favorite

By Stepheroni - 13/4/2017 18:00

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4371

You deserved it

563

Favorite

By FattestUgliestPerson - 18/1/2014 09:45 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51851

You deserved it

7608

Favorite

By Richard - 6/2/2010 18:39 - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37214

You deserved it

4483

Favorite

By Hannah - 4/3/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24917

You deserved it

31569

Favorite

By Krissy. - 31/3/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75599

You deserved it

4962

Favorite

By fml - 4/8/2018 20:30

Today, I noticed the results of my hair growth vitamins. It's been a month since my bad haircut, and I've seen some definite growth... Everywhere except my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2707

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By balancestrikesagain - 24/4/2009 09:37 - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43306

You deserved it

10690

Favorite

By idontmakethedresscode - 23/10/2015 08:17 - United States - Napa

Today, my classmate went into rage mode and cursed at me, complaining how it's so unfair that I'm allowed to wear a hijab in class but she isn't allowed to wear a Flamingo hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27843

You deserved it

6380

Favorite

By Lost - 14/1/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40190

You deserved it

3132

Favorite

By mintyfresh - 29/10/2009 02:54 - United States

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9205

You deserved it

119756

Favorite

By Doc - 18/8/2018 13:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I'm facing malpractice charges for neglecting a patient and failing to treat an infection. The patient had severe maggot-infested gangrene in his foot with exposed metatarsals, but refused amputation and all treatment. The judge is moving forward with the charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3757

You deserved it

173

Favorite

By kill me - 20/6/2017 04:00

Today, while serving at my restaurant, a mother acted as a wing-woman for her son by insisting I read a note he'd written, asking for my number. I had to awkwardly reject the guy in front of his entire family, before having to keep serving them for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6887

You deserved it

476

Favorite

By blarghhhh - 28/2/2016 14:58 - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19940

You deserved it

1351

Favorite

By mrwilly - 2/1/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33730

You deserved it

4863

Favorite

By sarahcurtis213 - 13/11/2012 07:36 - United States

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26897

You deserved it

5304

Favorite

By - 28/12/2018 12:00 - United States

Today, I learned that not only is my husband having an affair with my own mother, but my whole family knew. They were keeping it a secret from me for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4126

Phew, glad it wasn't me

343

Favorite

By Madridsta - 28/6/2014 06:28 - United States - Rialto

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43801

You deserved it

7798

Favorite

By TheHam - 5/9/2019 18:00 - Sweden

Restrictions

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1327

You deserved it

580

Favorite

By Jes_jes18 - 2/5/2013 18:27 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66755

You deserved it

7658

Favorite

By bigbuldge - 17/9/2019 00:01

Roommate From Hell

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By Noname - 15/10/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32432

You deserved it

3462

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 05:18 - France - Saint-renan

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28082

You deserved it

4601

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 05:42 - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18248

You deserved it

35276

Favorite

By jenabp - 3/1/2011 18:56 - United States

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35699

You deserved it

4589

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35474

You deserved it

2966

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By YourEvilHero | 12

#3321636 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:09

this site can be addicting...

By StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3321881 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 13:01

1- You should hire him. :D

COMMENTS

By Mini_Pedobear | 0

#3321610 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:04

it was probably worth it

MyMilkShake2Yard | 0

#3325040 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 23:43

At least now you can moderate and read as many fml as u want without being worried of getting fired

n1ck00 | 0

#3348326 - Monday 26 September 2011 7:11

(.Y.)

By jman730 | 0

#3321611 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:04

That's why you don't post FMLs at work.

mohamadelqut1995 | 0

#4306269 - Sunday 15 April 2012 3:12

It might be his job?

By saIty | 17

#3321617 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:04

NO, BOSS PLEASE!!!!! FML

KitchKraft | 21

#6074026 - Thursday 25 September 2014 23:02

Dinkleburg...

By Nico_Belic | 0

#3321621 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:05

You completely deserve it. Are you looking for sympathy? Because it's 100 percent your fault.

docscientist | 9

#3321753 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:28

Working hours are usually bloated anyway.

Marcella1016 | 29

#3322182 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 14:48

Yep white collar jobs, unless you're a lawyer at a big firm or something, generally have a lot of downtime.

BB_ava | 0

#3324682 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:49

OP, ydi. If someone hires you they've bought your time.

By Dalliance | 4

#3321629 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:08

How do you know it was over 500? They're not numbered when you moderate. Still, sucks for you.

deviable | 9

#3322996 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 18:52

It was over 9000.

Siji | 0

#3331349 - Friday 23 September 2011 5:43

What, 9000!?!
That's impossible!

By batman_516 | 9

#3321634 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:09

FML is viewable through the Great Firewall of China?

fugachumi | 0

#3322142 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 14:36

You stuff can't be thumbed down that's awesomeXD

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3322192 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 14:56

48 - I was brushing my teeth when I saw your picture.

CanadiansAreAJok | 0

#3322204 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:07

53- I was taking a dump when I saw your picture.

f_ck_U | 16

#3322554 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:59

obvious

f_ck_U | 16

#3322566 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 17:02

tell u what? youtube, tweeter, facebook are not accessible. This FML thing? we are complaining about life everyday anyway. No big deal!

simple_apple0303 | 3

#3322967 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 18:42

Yes,we can access to FML!Thank GOD!!(T_T)

YtotsDI | 0

#3323695 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 21:49

omh me. gkx

Creamysweeps | 5

#3329369 - Thursday 22 September 2011 19:48

Let's just say it's an FML experience trying to see it.

By YourEvilHero | 12

#3321636 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:09

this site can be addicting...

By toelie | 25

#3321637 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:09

How on earth did you not notice your boss standing there for over an hour?

jerico616 | 14

#3321746 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:27

Yeah, shouldn't HE have been working instead of being on FML, too?

Marcella1016 | 29

#3322186 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 14:50

Ah, the hypocrisies of life...

JTHolloway200 | 0

#3343000 - Sunday 25 September 2011 9:13

He was helping with the fml

By markrs | 0

#3321648 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:11

I'm sorry stupid

By Wreckless_fml | 6

#3321651 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:11

Your boss stood there and watched you for one hour and didn't say a word?

Krista835 | 5

#3321666 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:13

He was probably reading the FMLs too. :P

KK3137 | 31

#3322396 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:09

Maybe they were reading it together...

f_ck_U | 16

#3322581 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 17:06

bingo