Work: Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating...

By f_ck_U - China

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12156

You deserved it

58653

Favorite

f_ck_U tells us more :

more than 100 means those confirmed and posted FMLs. That 500 are those unconfirmed which need you to click Y or N.

Work

Late term

I'm a mess

Give me my drugs!

By anonymous - United States

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43598

You deserved it

19830

Favorite

By Edgarillo - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, my hairdresser apologised because he couldn't distinguish the hair from the back of my head from the hair from my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30405

You deserved it

8826

Favorite

By sexandanxiety - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34509

You deserved it

4179

Favorite

By BrokeAndPsst - United States

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60029

You deserved it

14865

Favorite

By iskalion - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26231

You deserved it

5360

Favorite

By GasAttack - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58363

You deserved it

8506

Favorite

By farksh - Australia

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31088

You deserved it

6243

Favorite

By gingerwhinger - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24119

You deserved it

1719

Favorite

By American Idiot - United States - Duluth

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12774

You deserved it

1433

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35011

You deserved it

7951

Favorite

By Anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend canceled our date last-minute. He claimed he had no time because he had to iron his towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25623

You deserved it

2254

Favorite

By - 29/2/2020 05:00

Bad encounter

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1723

You deserved it

310

Favorite

By fuckyouverymuch - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51858

You deserved it

26681

Favorite

By IHateMyLife - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26735

You deserved it

2001

Favorite

By Parental Support - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43507

You deserved it

2967

Favorite

By pissed off - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43617

You deserved it

14900

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1489

You deserved it

103

Favorite

By lovely - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53984

You deserved it

10554

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59216

You deserved it

16408

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50945

You deserved it

3209

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35698

You deserved it

3987

Favorite

By queenofdeath - Israel

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26854

You deserved it

12299

Favorite

By The_HML - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72868

You deserved it

11106

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39243

You deserved it

14419

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67186

You deserved it

5126

Favorite

By Nomoreballs - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25635

You deserved it

6370

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95171

You deserved it

5465

Favorite

By Dakota

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2830

You deserved it

875

Favorite

By Harry - United Kingdom

Paperboy

Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11341

You deserved it

33001

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37055

You deserved it

4759

Favorite

By trackdaddy - United States - San Diego

Today, my dad came to take pictures of me at my track meet. When looking back at the photos, I noticed most of them were zoomed in shots of the girls' butts in their spandex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4849

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33651

You deserved it

4949

Favorite

By wetandhungry - United States - Houston

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9633

You deserved it

698

Favorite

By paintfarts1976 - Ireland - Mullingar

Today, my husband angrily accused me of cheating on him. It turns out he thinks that because I've been spending time with my brother recently, the two of us must be having some kind of incestuous affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54994

You deserved it

4213

Favorite

By badmom101 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56570

You deserved it

6375

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68352

You deserved it

7289

Favorite

By ladylol - United Kingdom - Towcester

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40039

You deserved it

12449

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 05:01

Collateral damage

Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

274

Favorite

By Nickolas - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35972

You deserved it

3710

Favorite

By public pooper - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33327

You deserved it

15154

Favorite

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Top comments

By YourEvilHero | 12

#3321636 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:09

this site can be addicting...

By StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3321881 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 13:01

1- You should hire him. :D

COMMENTS

By Mini_Pedobear | 0

#3321610 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:04

it was probably worth it

MyMilkShake2Yard | 0

#3325040 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 23:43

At least now you can moderate and read as many fml as u want without being worried of getting fired

n1ck00 | 0

#3348326 - Monday 26 September 2011 7:11

(.Y.)

By jman730 | 0

#3321611 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:04

That's why you don't post FMLs at work.

mohamadelqut1995 | 0

#4306269 - Sunday 15 April 2012 3:12

It might be his job?

By saIty | 17

#3321617 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:04

NO, BOSS PLEASE!!!!! FML

KitchKraft | 21

#6074026 - Thursday 25 September 2014 23:02

Dinkleburg...

By Nico_Belic | 0

#3321621 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:05

You completely deserve it. Are you looking for sympathy? Because it's 100 percent your fault.

docscientist | 9

#3321753 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:28

Working hours are usually bloated anyway.

Marcella1016 | 30

#3322182 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 14:48

Yep white collar jobs, unless you're a lawyer at a big firm or something, generally have a lot of downtime.

BB_ava | 0

#3324682 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:49

OP, ydi. If someone hires you they've bought your time.

By Dalliance | 4

#3321629 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:08

How do you know it was over 500? They're not numbered when you moderate. Still, sucks for you.

deviable | 9

#3322996 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 18:52

It was over 9000.

Siji | 0

#3331349 - Friday 23 September 2011 5:43

What, 9000!?!
That's impossible!

By batman_516 | 9

#3321634 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:09

FML is viewable through the Great Firewall of China?

fugachumi | 0

#3322142 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 14:36

You stuff can't be thumbed down that's awesomeXD

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3322192 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 14:56

48 - I was brushing my teeth when I saw your picture.

CanadiansAreAJok | 0

#3322204 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:07

53- I was taking a dump when I saw your picture.

f_ck_U | 16

#3322554 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:59

obvious

f_ck_U | 16

#3322566 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 17:02

tell u what? youtube, tweeter, facebook are not accessible. This FML thing? we are complaining about life everyday anyway. No big deal!

simple_apple0303 | 3

#3322967 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 18:42

Yes,we can access to FML!Thank GOD!!(T_T)

YtotsDI | 0

#3323695 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 21:49

omh me. gkx

Creamysweeps | 5

#3329369 - Thursday 22 September 2011 19:48

Let's just say it's an FML experience trying to see it.

By YourEvilHero | 12

#3321636 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:09

this site can be addicting...

By toelie | 25

#3321637 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:09

How on earth did you not notice your boss standing there for over an hour?

jerico616 | 14

#3321746 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:27

Yeah, shouldn't HE have been working instead of being on FML, too?

Marcella1016 | 30

#3322186 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 14:50

Ah, the hypocrisies of life...

JTHolloway200 | 0

#3343000 - Sunday 25 September 2011 9:13

He was helping with the fml

By markrs | 0

#3321648 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:11

I'm sorry stupid

By Wreckless_fml | 6

#3321651 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:11

Your boss stood there and watched you for one hour and didn't say a word?

Krista835 | 5

#3321666 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 12:13

He was probably reading the FMLs too. :P

KK3137 | 31

#3322396 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:09

Maybe they were reading it together...

f_ck_U | 16

#3322581 - Wednesday 21 September 2011 17:06

bingo