Miscellaneous: Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then...

By lulabell - United States

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

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Miscellaneous

Leave us alone

This Charming Man

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By khaelian

Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures so that I could identify them. No, I still don't know what they look like, but I have seen their penis. FML

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By Paul Williams - United States

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

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By calli - United Kingdom

Today, I was working at the Soup Kitchen handing out special christmas dinners to the homeless. At the end of the day I collected my things and went home. It was only then I discovered that my wallet, phone, pager and (for some reason) my glasses has been stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

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By apologetic - United States - Latonia

Today, I got yelled at by a customer while working at a bank call center. He was furious I apologized for a mistake that someone else had made. I again apologized for apologizing. FML

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By wnrz - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day. It looks better on her. FML

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By reb2632 - United States

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

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By HttpsHaileyy - United States

Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML

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By Namnack - Netherlands

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, a phone I bought online turned up while I was at work. The delivery guy left a note saying he'd left the package with my neighbor at #10. When I went and knocked on the door and asked for the package, my neighbor said "Nope, nothing delivered here." and quickly shut the door in my face. FML

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By Anonymous

Tonight, on First Dates…

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

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By Stacy Dee - United States

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

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By Roxy19 - United States - San Diego

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

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By mairelys - Canada

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

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By lonely girl - United States - Oregon City

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

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By anal4me - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

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By zoosmell pooplord - Norway - Geilo

Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than his. He accused me of trying to steal his management position, and implied that I'll be lucky if I still have a job by the end of the month. FML

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By Tiffosaur - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

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By HairyBoobs - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

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By minustoenail - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

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By olive_costume - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

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By it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - United States - Roselle

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

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By wow, thanks - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

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By erptwerp - United States

Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

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By ilovesocks - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

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By patient_mom - Australia - Surrey Hills

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

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By good_aim - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

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By kirassi919 - United States - North Wales

Today, I decided to help my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

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By sleepy momma - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

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By kittynapper - United States - Denver

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

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By FootInMouth - South Africa

Today, I made fun of a friend at a dinner party after he forgot to put his engagement ring on. It turned out his fiancée actually ended the engagement last week, and everyone thinks I was being spiteful just because the girl is my ex. FML

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By 97 - United States

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband hooked up with his classmate in the school I talked him into going to. I helped him pass classes to get there. FML

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By Ella - United States

Today, I went on a 7-hour plane flight. For 3 hours I had a bloody nose. When it finally stopped, I sneezed. It started to bleed again. FML

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Top comments

By redbluegreen | 40

#210891 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:48

Well, on the bright side, you got his attention.

By bollywood_rocks | 0

#211065 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:06

frankie,I think she was DRIVING! read it again. Help her with what? Driving her/his car? I say YDI because you could've hit something else all in an effort to get noticed by some random "cute" guy. What if you had injured yourself or someone else in your quest to be noticed? Narcissist,much?

FML is becoming a safe haven for self centered and selfish brats.

COMMENTS

By rissyboo4 | 0

#210869 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:40

hahaha
burnn.
i would hate to be right then "/

omg this is my second, first comment.
i need a life i think.. haha

By rissyboo4 | 0

#210875 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:43

*i would hate to be you right then.
sorry, typo.

By Jimboom | 11

#210876 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:43

Owned by your own vanity. Nice!

ajsciri4 | 0

#3241023 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:16

XD
OP, Watch the fucking road

By AG_Pennypacker | 0

#210878 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:43

Wow, lol I'm so glad I'm not that clumsy but yeah you couldn't help it so FYL.

By The_Snowy | 0

#210879 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:44

first fifth comment =D

that is hillarious, it could only have been better if he came over
and the dad
makes it so good

By Pepperolls | 0

#210881 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:44

A typical situation, no?

By redbluegreen | 40

#210891 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:48

Well, on the bright side, you got his attention.

By stosborn | 0

#210895 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:49

wow this is a funny story you can tell your kids when they feel bad or embarrassed about something to make them laugh and feel better, it could turn out to be pretty valuable

By elliebutton | 0

#210907 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:53

It's stupid people like you who cause car accidents.

jason2468 | 0

#909672 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:49

I'm sure ur not any better women are shitty drivers in general except my friend

By 24788 | 6

#210909 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:53

lol, that would be funny.