Animals: Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's...

By tbright010 - 08/04/2011 22:48 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 516

You deserved it 4 626

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Same thing different taste

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 295

You deserved it 159

Self-defeating move

By Steve - 12/05/2021 11:01

Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 100

By hoo flung pu - 03/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 251

You deserved it 3 713

By poomaster - 22/11/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 808

You deserved it 5 162

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 98

Sneaky boy

By anonymous - 15/12/2015 06:00 - United States - Huffman

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 984

You deserved it 3 869

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 23:08 - United States - New Kensington

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 471

You deserved it 3 405

Pink tax

By banj0 - 06/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 774

You deserved it 2 214

By mike h - 10/08/2012 04:37 - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 458

You deserved it 4 806

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 02:00

Today, I took my dog for a basic spay and dental cleaning procedure. When I picked her up from the vet, I was reading through the surgery papers before they sent me away. They'd pulled 29 abscessed teeth and didn’t feel the need to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 291

Wdgames 0

Saturday 9 April 2011 4:59

Kinky

Banana_Pancakes6 0

Saturday 9 April 2011 5:02

Admit it, you loved it.

Comments

hosson 0

Sunday 10 April 2011 3:55

now that u know how to do that, u could have some real fun with ur dog.

bermejo 0

Sunday 10 April 2011 5:24

#61daaaaaaaamn!

josey_wales 0

Sunday 10 April 2011 6:23

To your dog. You do that. I'm confused..are you a convicted felon that can't own a gun or something?

Tuesdays76 0

Sunday 10 April 2011 10:00

F the dogs life! I do hope the dogs okay.

PeteyPablo12308 20

Sunday 10 April 2011 12:20

Omfg that's ******* disgusting... Lmfao.

scottyrocks123 21

Sunday 10 April 2011 14:23

I do that to my dog alot

invaderzim123 1

Sunday 10 April 2011 15:34

we have to do that to our chihuahuas and the smell is horrid it made me puke once but you gotta do it

sarah_beth2008 7

Sunday 10 April 2011 17:35

imagine doing that for a living...... like me :(

LukeNukem_fml 3

Sunday 10 April 2011 23:12

AHAHAHAHA I ******* DIED LAUGHING.

smushies_fml 0

Monday 11 April 2011 10:56

eww

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The Top

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 795

You deserved it 16 308

Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 1 709

The Top

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 814

You deserved it 6 585

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 581

You deserved it 5 093

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 572

You deserved it 3 578

Today, after trying unsuccessfully for three or so years to have a baby with my wife, my broodiness has gotten so bad that when I saw a couple with their daughter at the bus stop, I briefly had a daydream where I shot them in the head and took their daughter home to raise as my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 024

You deserved it 4 965

Today, I think I met the one. I had the best date ever. We played mini golf and talked about all the things we had in common. After sharing a kiss, I said goodbye, with the promise to meet up again. Too bad he forgot to mention he was moving to Texas the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 325

You deserved it 712

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 6 236