Animals: Today, the crazy cat lady who lives next to me lost one of her... - FML

By Username - 01/08/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, the crazy cat lady who lives next to me lost one of her cats. She sat outside with a whistle at 6:00 this morning and continued to blow her whistle for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 843

You deserved it 2 698

Walk on the wild side

The smell detective is on the case

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 356

You deserved it 3 554

By SebastianMiko - 09/11/2012 07:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 968

You deserved it 2 297

By kipper - 22/07/2019 12:00

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 205

By muffin - 16/07/2013 12:01 - Austria

Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 102

You deserved it 7 404

By HereWeGoAgain - 24/01/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 875

You deserved it 3 060

By NotSteve - 18/04/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 511

You deserved it 11 150

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 445

You deserved it 4 408

By StupidDentist - 20/06/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a filling. Instead of giving me Novocaine, my dentist decided he was going to use a special new paste on me while he drilled. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 877

You deserved it 3 164

By thissucks - 14/09/2009 01:00 - United States

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 466

You deserved it 67 816

By pissed girlfriend - 25/02/2013 03:08 - United States - Celina

Spicy

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 899

You deserved it 5 598

By ulisha5 - 02/08/2013 21:54 - Bulgaria - Burgas

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 510

You deserved it 4 344

By quinndulgent - 29/11/2015 21:10 - United States - West Bend

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12 page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 230

You deserved it 1 952

By crub - 05/03/2009 15:10 - United States

Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 224

You deserved it 2 310

Call the waaaambulance!

By boiled ladybits - 25/06/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I was in the shower having a little fun with the detachable shower head. I didn’t know anyone else was home until I heard a toilet flush and scalding hot water flooded my cooch. I think I need to go to the ER, but I’m too embarrassed to ask for a ride there. I can’t walk or sit properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 928

You deserved it 468

By Itstinksinhere - 19/04/2018 15:00

Today, my husband thought it was the best idea ever to clean the cat's litter box with the brand new vacuum cleaner instead of tipping it into a bin bag. My house now fills with the smell of warm cat piss every time I hoover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 547

You deserved it 382

By LtlCheeseburger - 31/05/2012 18:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I was shopping, and tried on a skirt that was a size smaller than usual, thinking that I would fit in. Not only did it not fit, neither I nor the sales assistant could get it off me, because the zip got stuck. She had to cut me out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 460

You deserved it 29 318

Random Access Memories

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 227

By ohmigodimchokin - 19/11/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 039

You deserved it 4 971

By sherryberry2013 - 10/06/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 472

You deserved it 7 056

By jl_word - 04/02/2015 21:49 - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 576

You deserved it 3 820

Twice error

By rkaneki - 09/11/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 1 355

By heck - 12/08/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 131

You deserved it 18 400

By unknown - 21/09/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 594

You deserved it 39 047

By husbands addiction - 26/03/2014 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 478

You deserved it 4 390

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 06:07 - United States

Today, I reduced my psychologist to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 243

You deserved it 4 389

By whinywiper - 25/05/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 415

You deserved it 3 793

By mokki - 31/03/2015 12:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 3 505

By Anonymous - 12/06/2018 09:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, for the 2nd time in a month, I've been rear-ended at a stop light. One insurance company refuses to pay because of prior damage from the 1st accident, and the other won't pay because of new damage not caused by their client. I just want my car back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 638

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 21/07/2015 17:50 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 844

You deserved it 8 246

By llord - 24/08/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my engagement ring was actually my husband's ex-fiancée's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 567

You deserved it 3 926

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 745

You deserved it 6 025

By eggnoodles - 13/12/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 983

You deserved it 52 998

By initforthewrongreasons - 18/05/2017 02:00

Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least 4 relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 1 244

By PUA - 15/03/2012 01:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 091

You deserved it 6 537

By frankkathy - 26/07/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 330

You deserved it 19 360

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 14:00 - Japan

Today, my friend and I dressed up as dice for Halloween. The rest of the night consisted of us, harassed by drunks asking, 'Can we roll you around?' and constantly being shaken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 356

You deserved it 32 846

Murderer!

By Puppy_Killer - 16/12/2020 23:02 - Australia

Today, I was backing out of my garage when my neighbour's collie ran behind my car. Unfortunately, I didn't see it, but I heard a thump. They were out, so I rushed him to the vet's. I was upset, and I guess I was driving too fast and didn't see that another dog was crossing the road. I killed two dogs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 387

By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 011

You deserved it 17 684

Doomed

By SweptWolf - 06/06/2020 23:02

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 151

By mitchellcrawford - 31/05/2016 18:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after seeing a cute girl on the bus, I tried to look cool by flipping my hair, only to smack the side of my head into the bus window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 050

You deserved it 10 037

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:16

Do you live in Springfield?

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:16

Hours you say? She can blow my whistle anytime

Comments

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:16

Do you live in Springfield?

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:56

Poor cat lady

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Monday 1 August 2011 13:21

that blows

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Monday 1 August 2011 13:21

Get her Taco Bell and say you found it.

YourEvilHero 12

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Monday 1 August 2011 13:28

crazy old cat ladies probably have Way more fun than you teenagers, with your weed, crack, roofies, e, and shrooms

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Monday 1 August 2011 13:38

whatever old man

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Monday 1 August 2011 13:57

weird

KaptainKronicX 5

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Monday 1 August 2011 21:45

Cat lady doesn't know anything. She should just shake a bag of Temptations.

YoTengoTomatoes 7

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:36

tell her to stop being a lazy annoying bitch and go look for the damn thing

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:42

your ugly

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:16

Hours you say? She can blow my whistle anytime

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Monday 1 August 2011 13:14

Damn cougars. The poor thing was only searching for her little kitty.

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Monday 1 August 2011 15:46

Omg hey baby ;)

likasumboooodi 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 22:16

dude she's and OLD cat lady

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:13

Paper bags work nicely ;)

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 6:26

You are still a sick and disgusting person...

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:10

You have a picture of a toddler peeing. I was kidding of course. IDK what you're excuse is

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 8:41

JacobT (hey, that's my first name and last initial too), you are President of FML Comments as of this thread!

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 7:24

Win^^^

SecretlyEvil9792 22

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 15:49

lol

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:19

She's practicing her blowing.

sleepistheenemy 8

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 4:35

well, did she find it?

morganrules123 10

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:19

Don't go outside. She may throw cats at you or shoot them out of an elaborately made cannon.

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Monday 1 August 2011 19:58

nanananananananannanananannanaanaa CAT MANNNN!!!!

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:21

I hope she wasn't stroking her pussy at the same time!

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Monday 1 August 2011 15:35

c'mon, I'm sure we all read this fml hoping she was though (vomit)

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:23

hold the "cat" u "stole" for ransom and make her stop blowing her wistle :)

toastyjustice 5

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Monday 1 August 2011 17:01

that was a stupid "comment" that you "made".

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Monday 1 August 2011 19:03

lol. whatever I think it's genius. trade the "cat" for the whistle, and when she gives the whistle destroy it and tell the truth. "I didn't steal your cat, you were just annoying the hell out of me!" lol.

DrCocorevenge 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:48

as soon as she gets the cat she will stop blowing anyway, so your plan fails

saIty 17

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:26

Get her a man so she can blow something else.

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:31

Pop her some roofies. They're sure to shut her up, and you can do lots of fun until she wakes up. It's a win-win situation.

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:33

**have not do

genesisnirvana 11

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:40

That is incredibly disturbing.do you have experience with that?

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:42

You took that seriously ... Wow.

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:35

Dress up in a cat suit and make her day. if you are lucky she might die of excitement. problem solved.

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Monday 1 August 2011 12:35

Nooo, that poor cat!

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Monday 1 August 2011 15:36

that damned Rosie O'donnel probably ate it. what a menace...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 81

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 87