Today, Rudolph's nose burned out. I had to guide the sleigh....

By amazed_71 - 19/11/2016 04:55 - United States

Today, Rudolph's nose burned out. I had to guide the sleigh. FML

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Season finale

Instadrama

Live dumping

By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

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By JaneSimple - 16/8/2020 14:02

Brain worms

Today, my fiancé forgot my birthday. I did however remember to tell him we were sending his mother flowers, for her birthday, which falls a week after mine. We've been together 10 years. I sent her flowers on my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2013 02:04 - United States - Plano

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

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By ditsy - 15/7/2010 09:17 - United States

Today, I was on webcam for the first time with a guy I've been texting for a while. Trying to show off my guitar skills, I lean down to pick it up and fell on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

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By Rrae - 25/2/2019 02:00

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

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By jamalinho - 11/5/2011 17:51 - Bangladesh

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

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By Willow McGarrigle - 30/5/2020 02:00

Condom advertisement

Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML

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By mental - 2/9/2019 18:01 - United States - Norfolk

Insanity

Today, I had my first appointment with my new therapist. After I told her my family history and past abusive situations, she looked at me and asked, "How are you still sane?" FML

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By sarahijklmnop - 15/11/2012 01:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

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By kitkat3308 - 27/9/2013 06:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my controlling, verbally abusive ex-boyfriend from nearly four years ago is still obsessed with me. Apparently, he's told everyone back home that he and I are getting married as soon as I finish college. We haven't spoken in over two years. FML

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By Lost... - 6/3/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

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7179

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By - 9/1/2017 20:30

Today, my parents accidentally bounced some checks through a miscommunication. They now owe the bank $700 and can't afford groceries, which means we're relying on me, a 17-year-old girl who works at McDonald's 2 days a week, to get us by for the next few weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

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By iliana74 - 20/4/2016 16:07 - United States - Hamilton

Today, a woman came up to me and sheepishly asked if my son is single. He's not my son, he's my boyfriend. FML

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By aarone23 - 1/6/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

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By justlittleoldme - 25/7/2012 21:05 - United States - Sarona

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

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By R - 28/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 20:01

Sore

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in 2 weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2019 16:00

TFI Friday

Today, I started a new job. The hours are long, but I didn't mind as I could REALLY use the overtime. Turns out, they don't pay over time. I'm just expected to go "above and beyond for the company." FML

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By spekledworf - 28/8/2012 02:57 - United States - Wrentham

Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML

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By t2t2sync - 3/8/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, while leaving work, I noticed a woman struggling with her wheelchair. Trying to be kind, I grabbed the handles and began to push her. A few moments later, the front wheels caught on something and I ended up dumping her onto the ground. Now my coworkers all think I'm a huge douche. FML

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By knzknz - 7/10/2011 00:40 - Canada

Today, I was asked if my bellybutton was an 'innie' or an 'outtie.' My bellybutton has been hidden by fat for so long that I couldn't remember. FML

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By Mr. Headshot - 25/4/2011 05:01

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2017 12:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after months of apartment hunting with my boyfriend, he told me he had found a fantastic place that was really inexpensive. It seemed way too good to be true. It was. He took me to a storage unit. FML

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By fucktheearth - 20/4/2016 03:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

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21356

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By WasZumTeufel? - 1/1/2013 00:55 - Germany - Kabel

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

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By SouthPaw - 14/1/2015 21:48 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML

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By yanksbitethebig1 - 16/3/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 20:38 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

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35946

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By Sophie - 7/6/2012 07:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

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By Kendall14159 - 22/5/2016 02:14 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

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By MonsterInLaw - 8/6/2013 23:26 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

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By galladore - 12/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

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32401

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2015 14:24 - Spain - Zaragoza

Today, an old friend of mine landed in Spain, where he's visiting me. After a few minutes talking about where we should meet, we realized the reason he couldn't figure out where it was, was probably due to the fact that he was in Barcelona. I live in Madrid. FML

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By J Claire Sanchez - 22/3/2020 15:56

No rest for the heroes

Today, everyone has been advised to stay home and self-quarantine due to the COVID19 outbreak. This would've been great and all, especially since I'm pregnant and need the bed rest, but I work as a doctor and we're understaffed. FML

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1927

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By TacoFail - 2/1/2010 04:46 - United States

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

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By internetloser - 16/8/2017 16:15 - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How you may ask? He used the adult swim "we should see other people" commercial. FML

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Top comments

By CalculatedRisk | 19

#6714273 - Saturday 19 November 2016 6:01

santas exercise routine seems to be working well.

By Tarlachia | 33

#6714559 - Sunday 20 November 2016 0:41

Seriously? I saw way better suggested captions than this one. This isn't the first time that's happened either.

COMMENTS

By CalculatedRisk | 19

#6714273 - Saturday 19 November 2016 6:01

santas exercise routine seems to be working well.

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6714278 - Saturday 19 November 2016 6:15

Santa: Rust belt edition

By watermelon15 | 35

#6714365 - Saturday 19 November 2016 14:04

That's pretty cute hehe

By Tarlachia | 33

#6714559 - Sunday 20 November 2016 0:41

Seriously? I saw way better suggested captions than this one. This isn't the first time that's happened either.

By littlefoott69 | 12

#6714582 - Sunday 20 November 2016 2:40

look! an American sled dog!

By jimmyironic | 9

#6714624 - Sunday 20 November 2016 4:53

lame caption

By cuz803 | 31

#6715261 - Monday 21 November 2016 23:03

Not only is this one rubbish, it's repetitive when a caption is rubbish.Smh

By DarkPrinceT | 3

#6715426 - Tuesday 22 November 2016 17:04

Why won't you guys give us a dislike button? Every other type of FML has one.

By luke73tnt | 17

#6716013 - Thursday 24 November 2016 14:31

Gotta do it somehow