Today, out of boredom, I decided to clean shave my beard and...

By CrimsonChin

Today, out of boredom, I decided to clean shave my beard and moustache for the first time in 3 years. My new nickname at work is The Crimson Chin. FML

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Not gonna happen

How's your hovel?

Dog whisperer

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

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By Muscle - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Criminal Minds

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

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By kittyslayer - United States

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

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By tictacnose - Canada

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

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By Randomm - 12/12/2019 20:00

So cute

Today, I was walking into my school and I saw two girls kissing. Being a lesbian myself, and thinking it would be cute, I winked at them. I guess one of them had a history of cheating with a girl who looked just like me, because her girlfriend came up and punched me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was watching the show "Sixteen and Pregnant". I started bawling when the girl's dirtbag boyfriend proposed to her with a $20 ring he bought from Walmart because I was so lonely and was jealous of her "romantic relationship". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Muncy

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

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By taternuts - Canada

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

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By nick - United States

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

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By meowcat101 - Canada

Today, my dad decided to take me to play golf to relieve the stress of recovering from a bad concussion. While teaching me to swing, he hit me in the head. FML

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By babs - United States

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2020 20:01

Bad news

Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

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By Abrams52 - United States - Fishers

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

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By frustratedandunderpaid - Canada - Sackville

Today, at my place of work in a fast-food restaurant, a customer called in and bitched at me that her warm food was weirdly cold. That is, after she drove 45 minutes from the restaurant to her house. FML

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27164

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By cherbear1000 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

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By kasai_x0x - Canada

Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

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By Hotdamnthisismyjam - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

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By fmlgrl - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

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By Tori - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML

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By Kittykatkrunch - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend was crushing on his best friend. When I found out I asked him about it. He replied. "Don't worry babe, she is perfect and way too good for me". FML

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By JustSayNo - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML

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By FMe - United Kingdom

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

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By Depression... - United States

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

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By superficialheart - China

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

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By cheated - United States

Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

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By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML

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By Nightmare

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

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By justme - France

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

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By highschoolsucks - United States

Today, I let out a monstrous fart at the gym. They said it didn't even sound human. FML

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By poolgirl789 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Hands-on

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

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By blueballed - Germany - Kiel

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

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Top comments

By mackdeezy | 21

#7534031 - Saturday 26 August 2017 6:31

*sings* Here comes The Crimson Chin!

By LeoCor | 18

#7534014 - Saturday 26 August 2017 5:13

Haha that sounds like a pretty cool name... however it's up to you but maybe keep it shaven from now on if you don't want it to happen again.

COMMENTS

By LeoCor | 18

#7534014 - Saturday 26 August 2017 5:13

Haha that sounds like a pretty cool name... however it's up to you but maybe keep it shaven from now on if you don't want it to happen again.

By mackdeezy | 21

#7534031 - Saturday 26 August 2017 6:31

*sings* Here comes The Crimson Chin!

By eitnuom | 4

#7534044 - Saturday 26 August 2017 8:04

Hopefully you took it on the crimson chin

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7534053 - Saturday 26 August 2017 8:11

You better be wearing red...

By RichardPencil | 28

#7534092 - Saturday 26 August 2017 10:25

I think you can join the Mafia now.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7534138 - Saturday 26 August 2017 14:08

Now pick a coworker to be Cleft, the Boy Chin Wonder!

By draghkar | 16

#7534155 - Saturday 26 August 2017 15:20

Clearly you don't shave often, but a rub with an alum block, then splash with witch hazel: it should be part of the normal routine, and the redness will be gone.

By Firestar268 | 24

#7534226 - Saturday 26 August 2017 17:59

To be honest crimson Chin doesn't sound that bad

By Chris Smith | 9

#7534235 - Saturday 26 August 2017 19:07

better than the double-chin

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7534272 - Saturday 26 August 2017 21:46

Are you going to go fight villains after work?