Work: Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory... - FML

By unitywoods - United States

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83035

You deserved it

4829

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Instadrama

Bad timing

By SenorPoopypants

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5555

You deserved it

965

Tweet

Share

By steve-o - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35778

You deserved it

4160

Tweet

Share

By Stupid_Chick - Canada

Today, I found out that my family hides food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28154

You deserved it

19207

Tweet

Share

By Mee - United States

Nice timing

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32427

You deserved it

13351

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22995

You deserved it

9540

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35507

You deserved it

19762

Tweet

Share

By James C - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I was on a first date. She asked what I do, so I replied "I create adverts." She then yelled, "F**k you" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25191

You deserved it

4579

Tweet

Share

By problems - Thailand - Phuket

Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16524

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1909

Tweet

Share

By headache

Today, I have a new office-mate. I'm not particularly sensitive to odours but he wears so much cologne, I nearly throw up every time he walks in. Only 8 more hours till fresh air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1765

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26934

You deserved it

5465

Tweet

Share

By tittyboomboom - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22830

You deserved it

1967

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39756

You deserved it

3380

Tweet

Share

By BarryShitpeas - United Kingdom - Cranbrook

Today, my enjoyment of popping bubble wrap was yet again ruined by my excessive OCD tendencies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38576

You deserved it

5749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Applecross

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26533

You deserved it

9835

Tweet

Share

By CivE - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13954

You deserved it

38088

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12060

You deserved it

52865

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44519

You deserved it

8957

Tweet

Share

By jake - 10/1/2021 18:02 - United States - Denver

Jealousy

Today, my girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female contacts or she’d set my stuff on fire. Yes, that includes my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

928

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

By JLO - Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29841

You deserved it

3639

Tweet

Share

By haveahappyperiod

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54976

You deserved it

4706

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20162

You deserved it

2775

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Conroe

Today, I'm recovering from a bad motorcycle crash that could have cost me my life. A truck pulled out in front of me while going 60. Luckily I only have a broken arm and a fractured sternum. I was just notified by my attorney that the guy at fault has no insurance or assets to his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3381

You deserved it

220

Tweet

Share

By iloveretail - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14762

You deserved it

798

Tweet

Share

By verycre8tive - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55504

You deserved it

2707

Tweet

Share

By kolgate - United States

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentines Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45578

You deserved it

3139

Tweet

Share

By fire starter - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27029

You deserved it

2091

Tweet

Share

By IAMALITAHA - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45348

You deserved it

4520

Tweet

Share

By Q - United States

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60334

You deserved it

5318

Tweet

Share

By mcfatty - India - Bangalore

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14378

You deserved it

1511

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Valencia

Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40364

You deserved it

4157

Tweet

Share

By Alyce - 6/11/2020 02:08 - United States - Lewistown

Bunch of bankers, the lot of them

Today, I went to deposit a check, only for them to accidentally deduct the whole thing from my account. I didn't notice this until I went to buy groceries, after the bank had closed. I'm in negative numbers and will get an overdraft charge by the time I can get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

910

You deserved it

65

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69119

You deserved it

4224

Tweet

Share

By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

PMS FTW

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

I agree, your life sucks

814

You deserved it

141

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25478

You deserved it

4092

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70321

You deserved it

6567

Tweet

Share

By definatelynotamurderer - United Kingdom

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35383

You deserved it

2232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in front of about 75 people in the fanciest restaurant in town. She told me she was already engaged, while holding up her right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2128

You deserved it

529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Pensacola

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49034

You deserved it

8156

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

I miss the hungry years…

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2848

You deserved it

323

Tweet

Share

By SimpleSadie

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4580

You deserved it

458

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Jaywin | 3

#63668 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:34

In the middle of stretching you should've just walked up and gave your mom a hug, impressing your team and looking like a pimp without them ever knowing you were just hugging your mother.

By DefHamster | 0

#63598 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:07

Oh man, that's definitely awkward.
But, MILF!

COMMENTS

By DefHamster | 0

#63598 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:07

Oh man, that's definitely awkward.
But, MILF!

Reply

girandwogpig | 0

#320721 - Friday 19 June 2009 17:04

Hey look I'm near number one!!!
Anyways OP can you send us a pic???

Reply

kalixzo | 11

#1062452 - Sunday 4 July 2010 13:14

LMAO

By demonkey_fml | 4

#63600 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:08

As distressing as this is, at least she's not sixty pounds overweight and having hygiene issues...

Reply

look_its_me | 0

#923703 - Monday 8 March 2010 3:12

this.

By gangstabby01 | 0

#63604 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:10

milf.. agreed number 2

By trucanadian | 0

#63606 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:11

At least your mom is hot. I'll bet she has sex all the time. Think about it. I'll bet within the last week she's had steamy hot sex with a customer

The scenario:
Man: I can't do this yoga stretch properly

Reply

lucindo | 0

#1180734 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 10:53

hahaha, I can't do the splits..
can you show me again...
now bend over backwards..
that's how you do it..
:P

Reply

paijus | 0

#4815747 - Wednesday 15 August 2012 11:56

How much porn did you watch before posting that? Rhetorical

Reply

ToxicTyrael | 26

#6206867 - Thursday 19 February 2015 17:48

#99 made me lol

By Riceball_fml | 0

#63618 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:16

Wow, that's awkward.

Hey, at least your mom is hot, I guess. :)

By marz88 | 0

#63624 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:17

Pics or it didnt happen

By newguy_fml | 0

#63629 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:20

yeah dude, she was hot.

By log1k | 3

#63632 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:23

ugh... I know ur pain, my friends think my mom is hot >_

By greatnt249 | 0

#63641 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:25

So, how long did they call you gay for not agreeing with your coach and teammates before you told them she was your mom?

Reply

LxiiBby | 0

#1510836 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:10

lmao.

Reply

sharkwkrox | 0

#2430699 - Friday 29 April 2011 23:46

good one lol!

By freddie_fml | 0

#63659 - Saturday 28 March 2009 0:31

It's okay, little buckaroo. People are allowed to find your mom hot.