Health: Today, my wife is so determined to keep me on my diet that, as...

By hungry hungry harvey - 08/05/2016 16:56 - United States

Today, my wife is so determined to keep me on my diet that, as I'm off work for the next week, she has gotten rid of all the food in the house. She has also taken the phones and iPads so I can't order a takeaway, and taken all my trousers so I can't walk to the shops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 630

You deserved it 2 538

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 23:53 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 965

You deserved it 5 852

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 554

You deserved it 17 489

Affection breakdown

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 128

Sensitive

By itsevenworse - 07/08/2021 00:01 - France

Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 115

Stir crazy, part 16

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 05:00

Today, my wife was so sick of being isolated with the kids while I, a key worker, got to "escape" to work everyday, that she locked herself in our room and got completely trashed on my cider, meaning I had to stay at home with the kids instead of helping my elderly patients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 184

You deserved it 488

No fun allowed

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 10:00

Today, my wife has declared that, unless our son has finished his homework, I'm not to watch TV, play video games, read, use my phone, cook, or go outside, lest I "tempt him" to leave his work unfinished. Guess I'll just stare at the wall all afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 227

Check out Mr. Moneybags over here!

By Anonymous - 08/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that my wife has been getting rid of every single item of clothing I didn’t compliment her on. This has probably cost me thousands already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 412

By Mimi - 16/04/2013 01:35 - United States - Vallejo

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 770

You deserved it 5 750

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 16:00

Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 292

Hangry boi

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 14:00

Today, thanks to my wife’s obsession with expensive foods like chutney, relishes, exotic spices, and preserved foreign vegetables and herbs, I'm literally staring into a fridge full of glass jars, with a door that barely stays closed, and yet has nothing inside suitable to eat for my dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 215

fushengyuan 20

Monday 9 May 2016 12:28

Im pretty sure if u can access fml, u can order food online:)

heirofhope 38

Monday 9 May 2016 12:18

Better start photosynthesizing.

Comments

JETarchitect 32

Monday 9 May 2016 13:40

did she leave you with any food to eat?? and all of that seems a bit excessive, it's a lot of work to go through just to help someone lose weight

MidnaLink 33

Monday 9 May 2016 13:55

I think your wife has never heard of a non-crash diet.

Chirpshooter 1

Monday 9 May 2016 14:01

This seems more like a hostage situation than a diet.

AlbertNeinstein 10

Monday 9 May 2016 14:19

But, how are you using FML?

Attacksloth 33

Monday 9 May 2016 14:20

This sounds more like psychological abuse to me. Can we have an update please? Also, this could have happened in the past, because of the mandatory "Today,..." on FMLs.

PhoenixChick 26

Monday 9 May 2016 14:21

That's dangerous. If she's left you no means to communicate, what about emergencies?

LadyLyra 2

Monday 9 May 2016 14:50

Hmmm...as a wife I must wonder what you mean by "gotten rid of all the food in the house". My husband complains that there's no food in the house when our cupboards and fridge are full of food that takes around 5-10 minutes to make and how we've got nothing that is microwavable. :p