Badass

Today, my little sister beat me at arm-wrestling. I'm a 15 year-old boy and she's 12. It happened in front of our entire extended family and they all laughed hysterically. I tried to act like I let her win, but the truth is that I was trying as hard as I could. FML

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

Pride

Today, I competed in a national championship for the sport that I play, and none of my family came to watch and support me. My wife, kids, parents, brothers and sisters - none of them. It was the only opportunity to see me compete, as I'm getting too old and have to stop now. Thanks for nothing, family. FML

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery, and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

Busted

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

WWE

Today, after waiting for two weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML