Miscellaneous: Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her...

By blind - 24/06/2009 12:11 - South Africa

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 370

You deserved it 46 626

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Sorry…

Scarcity

By Andiii - 26/07/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 488

You deserved it 8 573

By Julie - 31/03/2009 01:43 - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 186

You deserved it 6 717

Australia? Australia.

By ReptillianFreeloader - 13/02/2017 11:00 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 143

You deserved it 644

By alchy - 02/05/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 949

You deserved it 36 171

By BigHelp - 08/07/2015 00:52 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 957

You deserved it 4 470

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 08:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 176

You deserved it 34 382

By notateen - 13/11/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 037

You deserved it 4 010

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 729

You deserved it 34 321

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:49 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 281

You deserved it 4 885

The Birmingham School of Business School

By overundereducated - 13/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that my stick figure drawing passed as homework during my doctoral level seminar. I'm paying over two thousand dollars for this course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 14:09 - Hong Kong

Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 405

You deserved it 8 915

By thyisnothorses - 29/04/2012 03:55 - United States - Scituate

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 147

You deserved it 3 067

By CooBerry3851 - 28/08/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 644

You deserved it 3 230

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 05:01

Today, I'm nearly 30 years-old, and not only am I still a virgin, I've never even had my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 133

Born to run

By Nate - 21/12/2020 11:02

Today, I can’t divorce my lazy, unemployed, shopping-addicted, cheating wife because her father is one of the best, sleaziest, underhanded divorce lawyers in our city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 05/04/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that when I start University next month I will have to either pay $900 for an all-access semester-long parking pass, pay $200 for for a bus pass that takes an hour to get to campus, or pay $100 to park outside campus and walk 4 miles to and from class each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 609

You deserved it 589

Creep

By oh_mylanta - 02/03/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, I went to work to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so it was very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 337

You deserved it 5 347

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 034

You deserved it 5 464

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 364

You deserved it 8 082

You're going to hell

By he's not the one going to hell - 12/09/2014 21:11 - Australia

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 926

You deserved it 3 393

The ole answer/forward conundrum

By Master's_degree_in_failure - 17/10/2020 22:30

Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 1 034

By vaylosa - 22/02/2015 20:36

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 488

You deserved it 3 590

By Delilah - 01/03/2010 08:53 - Norway

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 783

You deserved it 9 726

By Noname - 14/03/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 738

You deserved it 17 777

By not laughing anymore - 11/12/2014 19:55 - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 727

You deserved it 6 423

By duncanisgey - 04/03/2011 22:57 - Canada

Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 641

You deserved it 6 383

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 257

By Deaf - 02/07/2015 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 240

You deserved it 1 833

By peele - 25/03/2015 13:10 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 928

You deserved it 3 697

By violatedinden - 24/08/2009 00:57 - United States

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 459

You deserved it 2 393

Nametags work

By Blanerd - 15/10/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 200

You deserved it 4 277

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 393

You deserved it 5 685

Stink pits in the heat

By rie - 22/08/2021 16:01

Today, as always, I had to change clothes and reapply my deodorant as soon as I got to work. It’s only a kilometre walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 97

By photomark - 13/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 488

You deserved it 36 937

By santashelper - 05/12/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 833

You deserved it 4 726

By fishwizard - 02/06/2017 20:00

Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 3 874

Silver linings

By Jessé - 23/11/2021 23:01

Today, after going to the convenience store and getting my card declined, the clerk let me come back home with all the things I'd bought so I could look for money and pay with cash instead, so I went back to pay a few minutes later. Karma paid back the goodwill 3 minutes later by making me burn my left hand with boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 178

By Wtf - 29/04/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 255

You deserved it 3 005

By anonymous - 30/01/2010 00:08 - France

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 040

You deserved it 7 075

Nice try

By Journo - 27/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 030

You deserved it 4 998

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Top comments

softbonez 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:04

How is she a terrible friend? It's like a person saying, "Today's my dad's birthday, but he's dead." Why bring up the subject?

yukanegishi 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 19:57

I would be hitting my head against the wall O__o

ohhsnapp 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 19:52

ouch. that sucks.

ndanick 4

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Thursday 25 June 2009 5:45

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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DamnGoodTimes 0

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Thursday 25 June 2009 7:13

@ndanick That's fucked up.

Konta246 0

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Sunday 6 September 2009 13:45

U Idiott of fucking course they have CELL phones in SOUTH africa u dumb shit!! South africa is well developed

nfsrocks 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 4:41

thank god for the all important delete key

michaelscot23 0

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Tuesday 16 March 2010 23:34

why would the friend bring that up?

hockey668717 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 15:58

fucking idiot!!! they have cellphones in all of Africa

doglover100 28

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Saturday 7 July 2012 1:58

I know it was a mistake. It wasn't like OP said it to hurt her friend.

ilikeboys 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 19:56

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mackenzieex3 0

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Thursday 19 August 2010 4:07

yeah. look at your picture. And OP is the whore? I don't think so.

cobaltss06 1

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 0:21

Ilikeboys is sexy :)

yukanegishi 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 19:57

I would be hitting my head against the wall O__o

dilqncho 1

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Tuesday 1 June 2010 5:15

I'd just text again saying "Oh my god,I read your name wrong and thought you were XXX(someone with a similar name"

SoccerForTheWin 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 5:35

Or just say something like "because I know he is with you in your heart"

newguy90 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 19:59

If he died a long time ago it shouldn't be a problem. I'd laugh if one of my friends sent me a message like that. If u dont make a big deal out of it, it should be alright. If he died recently though, u r pretty much fucked

RMRaidersNumbah3 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 23:27

you would laugh at your dead dad even if he died awhile ago? wtf.

DoctorKyda 5

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Sunday 14 August 2011 20:44

I don't see how that could be funny. If someone told me to tell my dad happy birthday, after he died, I would be extremely insulted.

coldplaylive2003 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:04

I heard somethin like this a while back somebody texting everyone happy mothers day to someone whose mother had died

softbonez 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:04

How is she a terrible friend? It's like a person saying, "Today's my dad's birthday, but he's dead." Why bring up the subject?

thecheekyone 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:08

Have you lost anyone at all you care about? You tend to remember them on their birthdays. Maybe she wanted to talk about it or something. It sounds like a hint to me.

MrsWorldwide 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:53

I did recently lose my dad and I would have laughed at that just because of how awkward it is. It does not make you a horrible friend or person for slipping up. Not all of my friends even know my dad passed away and the ones that do know aren't all so extremely close to me that something like that is not a possiblity of happnening. Some people really take life very seriously and tend to expect perfection from everyone around them. It was an oopsie. Shit happens. Laugh it off and move on.

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 21:27

It was probably more like "how are you?" "oh, you know... its my dads birthday" as if to say... not so great. the latter friend thinking that the former would remember dead daddy (since she remembered it she clearly DID already know and it just slipped her mind)

justxdream 0

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Thursday 25 June 2009 1:51

aw im sorry, but thats a great attitude.

YoungTechnique 0

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Thursday 25 June 2009 7:35

That sucks. But if you two were friends I think you'd probably know that.

husseinfarran93 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:04

i agree with #4

LoOnE_fml 0

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Friday 26 June 2009 19:42

Uh maybe because that's her dad and she still celebrates his birthday...damn, are you retarded?

Pauline96_fml 20

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Monday 24 November 2014 19:37

Then say it as a reply to his comment. Or better yet just like his comment and move on

aznbillybob4sho 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:05

It's all on you, if you forgot about it, then it should be fine.

pancakes_n_syrup 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:14

"Today, I realized I have you as a friend. FML" I would love you have you as a friend....not

breakthesky 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 20:15

That doesn't make her a bad friend.

Asdas_fml 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 21:45

"Today, I realized I don't have you as a friend. FML" I would love you have you as a friend....I really love people who never make any mistakes at all