Kids: Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving...

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 371

You deserved it 10 695

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Same thing different taste

By Dafawk - 19/06/2016 20:54

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 294

You deserved it 6 496

Reported

By maximumpower - 15/03/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when a small boy started looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kid's face look like that"? He said it so loud, the three tables next to us turned and looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 151

You deserved it 3 521

Breeders

By Anonymous - 12/07/2015 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 641

You deserved it 1 943

No soup for you

By unicornlove - 17/07/2020 20:01

Today, I was bringing a table a bowl of soup at my waitressing job. A new customer taking off his coat threw his elbow out, violently knocking the soup out of my hands and onto his baby in a highchair. The baby screamed; I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 144

Freaked out

By radioinvader - 28/10/2012 12:29 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down, laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 551

You deserved it 3 756

By Scaryman - 21/02/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 277

You deserved it 4 161

Child labor

By great parenting pal - 11/08/2020 02:01

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 288

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 00:46 - United States - Kerman

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 281

You deserved it 7 304

By stargirl - 19/07/2011 00:36 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 293

You deserved it 13 137

By mew - 25/10/2011 18:04 - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 167

You deserved it 3 235

lol_ironic_life 9

Wednesday 15 December 2010 12:02

Now the waiter thinks that you're an abusive parent. Watch your back OP, your toddler is trying to put you away while he plans to rule the world!

DakotaCat 4

Wednesday 15 December 2010 12:08

We all know he didn't fall off a cart... He's actually the world's youngest professional boxer

Comments

wcstcomic 0

Thursday 16 December 2010 17:50

I love all the pretentious "smart" people on this thread, and countless others on FML that preach "Think before you speak!" First of all, you make it sound like you've never blurted out something in your life that made you look silly in context. And secondly, and I think most importantly, I do believe the next time my toddler is about to hurt themselves, I will think really carefully about what some nosy waiter is going to think about what I'm about to say, instead of just blurting something out quickly so my child actually stops before hurting themselves. You must have a real interesting life when you can spend so much time plotting out every single word you say. Oh wait no, it's just really easy to blame people when you're behind a computer screen.

the_elephant_fly 3

Friday 17 December 2010 21:37

haha that's what I was thinking!

MyS3lf 24

Tuesday 11 January 2011 3:58

I usually sit in FRONT of my screen, thinking of what I'm going to say before I post it, so I don't sound like an idiot. Of course, I always practice the "Think before you speak" rule, especially when talking to children. But then again I usually pay enough attention to my child that they don't get into situations where I have to stupidly blurt something out to keep them from hurting themselves. Gosh, being an attentive parent, what a concept!!