Today, my mother called to say that my 11-year-old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassels, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML
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Top comments
aridawn 0
I wouldn't want him over anymore if he's digging through your stuff! What a little brat!
Guiseppi 0
Heh, nipple tassels. That's just funny.
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Comments (43)
BastardOfBodom 0
aw jeez, im sorry
whtevrdude 0
Dude, does he know about sx
scateice 0
duhhhhh he's eleven
chaimuffin_fml 0
yeah I learned sex ed in fifth grade, thats 10
aquarius6 0
Uhhh I'd be embarrased
squigglyshark 0
I thinks he just very insecure, because as an eleven year old boy I would have loved to visit a kinky aunt.
Haha_no_123 11
Picture your aunt in nipple tassels, handcuffing you and applying lube. I don't think you want a kinky aunt anymore
evhrocks876 4
I wouldn't
The_Derpinator 0
Oooh, kinky !
Biohazard808 0
it's ok i'll be your substitute nephew
2XtraZoom 0
I agree with #13. Whether or not your nephew wants to visit, I'd tell him (and your mom) that he wasn't welcome until he either a) stopped going through your stuff, or b) learned to keep quiet about what he found.
samba6970 0
huhu....and you guys think a simple lock would stop a kid?...they are nasty beings...a simple lock won't stop them from finding the key and opening it if they have the time....:D
Asheanao 0
How the **** would he know what all of that stuff was? Unless, there were strange images on the containers...
taycandy96 2
Why do you have a bottle of lube? Yuck
handytaco 0
You idiot, why the **** do you think? Grow up
chaimuffin_fml 0
yeah dipshit, have you ever had sex???