Love: Today, my husband gave me an ultimatum - choose him or my male... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband gave me an ultimatum - choose him or my male best friend. I chose my husband. My husband then admitted to me that he was hoping I would choose my best friend so he would have an excuse to leave me and wouldn't have to tell me he's been cheating on me. FML

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Out of it

Sensitive

FML every way you look at it

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

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By karmaaa - United States - Huxley

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

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By denied - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

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By OldBitch - 16/8/2020 02:01

Growing old gracefully

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2021 14:01

Thanks, Shep

Today, I'm recovering from a fall down the basement steps. I was carrying a casserole down to the fridge we have in the basement. I tripped, crashed at the bottom and broke my arm. Our dog came running down to investigate, completely ignored me, and just started eating the casserole off the floor. FML

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By not ashamed! - 5/9/2020 07:57 - United States

Double standards

Today, I was told how irresponsible, dangerous and shameful it is to date as a single mom. Apparently, my one and only focus should be my children. I’ve had one boyfriend in the past two years. Meanwhile, my ex-husband has a new flavor of the month around our kids whenever he sees fit. FML

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By Raaar - United States

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

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By unmarried - Canada - Weston

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

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By Satan's Lil elf

Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's. Even the cashier watching was like, "Fuck, dude." FML

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By jamalinho - Bangladesh

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

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By Kerry - United States

Today, all my friends had a huge party and 'forgot' to invite me. They only remembered about me at 2 am when they called asking for rides home because they were all too drunk to drive. FML

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By Cheese - 12/5/2021 00:02

Thanks dude

Today, my sausage dog ate my cat's turds and barfed them all over my bed. Try convincing the girl you just brought home to get into bed after that. FML

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By kimm1993 - United States - Chicago

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

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By loverpants - United States

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex broke into my fiancée's apartment and cut up her expensive wedding dress. The nutjob is in jail now, but it doesn't seem like the wedding will be happening any time soon. FML

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By Pandistoteles - United States

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

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By mariama - United States

Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said, "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

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By littlemissignored - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

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By desperate - Denmark

Today, while at a club, I walked up to a cutie who had been eyeing me all night. I asked him "Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?". He simply replied "It's a phone" before walking away. FML

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By Anonymous - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

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By GoodDog - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Stamford

Where were you?

Today, I came home from the hospital after six days. Despite having a cat sitter, they managed to shit on the bathroom floor and pee on my bed in protest for being gone too long. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML

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By BornToBeABurden - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "after I eat" or maybe even "when I'm tired". What I got was "every second since you were born". FML

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By Thongy - Canada

Cultural differences

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? My Australian friend sent me a message saying I'd left my thongs at his house. My boyfriend still refuses to believe that they call flip-flops thongs in Australia. FML

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By Srain - Australia

Today, feeling confident, I asked my boyfriend what he thought of my new body, since I had lost 16 kilos over the past month. He told me that he missed the old me and wanted me to gain weight again. My boyfriend was the one that encouraged me to lose weight in the first place. FML

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By kneesarethenewdesk - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

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By JFC! - United States

AAA, hello?

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

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By secret - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

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By sweatstreaks - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ithaca

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

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By tm - United States - Madisonville

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

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By Out of Shape - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

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By quasimodo - United States

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 00:30

Primitive art

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

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By RachelDC - United States

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

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Top comments

By Maddoctor | 10

#384580 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:04

Ouch, harsh. Well, at least you can divorce his cheating ass now.

By wowfmlife | 0

#384585 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:06

Tell him you only chose him to cover up your affair with the best friend

COMMENTS

By Maddoctor | 10

#384580 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:04

Ouch, harsh. Well, at least you can divorce his cheating ass now.

Reply

0___0 | 9

#385243 - Friday 10 July 2009 21:22

Yeah I agree, divorce him+ take the house and all your $$$$/kids/pets/valuables with you ;)

BTW, if you click on the location (Ontario) there are some very interesting FMLs. These ones are the best/worst (as in worst situation but a good FML) O_O

Reply

littlemssvixen | 3

#385505 - Friday 10 July 2009 23:23

AGREED! xxx

By thebigslim | 13

#384582 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:05

You obviously deserve much better than him.... sorry this happened to you. FYL indeed.

By wowfmlife | 0

#384585 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:06

Tell him you only chose him to cover up your affair with the best friend

Reply

mariahrawks | 0

#906600 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 5:05

Let's say bestfriend dosen't think of her romantically and finds out she said this?

By fyourlife33 | 0

#384587 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:07

well maybe you can have your male best friend now, you must have liked him some being that your husband thought you might choose the friend over him

By teamhat | 0

#384589 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:07

damn your husbands a bastard

By nickspohn | 0

#384609 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:14

leave your husband now, because by reading this you guys will split at one point anyways. Why waste time being with someone like that?

Reply

rallets | 22

#388175 - Saturday 11 July 2009 22:42

lmfao wrong FML

By randomxtremely | 0

#384612 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:15

aw

By lastminuteperm | 0

#384617 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:16

So...your husband wants to leave you.? why write all the words? LOL...judo kidding. I know yiou have to write a lot of words for it to be excepted.

By JanisEvans | 10

#384624 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:18

...and that's why you should never choose lovers over friends... fyl

By shewasalmost18 | 0

#384634 - Friday 10 July 2009 16:21

damn, your husband is a straight up pube.