Animals and Kids: Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life...

By RIPJarJar - 20/10/2017 22:18

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 525

You deserved it 473

Animals Kids

Late term

Batman

Best teeth in the game

By Tj Hunt - 05/11/2012 03:26 - United States

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward 2 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 652

You deserved it 4 441

All over the place

By meowitzer - 22/04/2020 05:02

Today, a close, funny friend who has quite the attitude, received a long email from a long-time friend of hers, telling her how difficult she is. When I told her it doesn’t matter, that she is still wonderful, she went off on how bad a friend I am for saying that, and then deleted me off WhatsApp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 181

By Hth - 15/01/2009 11:14 - United States

Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer. I grabbed the menu at the restaurant, glanced at the page, and tried to do CTRL+F to find seafood. Geek coming through! FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 992

You deserved it 29 786

By srhoa01 - 05/07/2016 06:42

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 216

You deserved it 1 582

By Imwalkinghere - 04/11/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 970

You deserved it 674

By Lily - 02/09/2015 10:09 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 852

You deserved it 1 527

By JamesK - 15/12/2016 23:23

Today, I went out with my kids to eat at a nice restaurant. While I was in the bathroom, my 7-year-old daughter ordered 15 plates of "pearls" on the menu. Those "pearls" turned out to be salmon caviar. Guess who got a 425$ bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 872

You deserved it 2 592

By Me - 31/05/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 205

You deserved it 4 705

By whatthewhat - 18/11/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 123

You deserved it 3 291

By kel - 10/02/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 629

You deserved it 4 840

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

By mama’s boy - 31/10/2019 00:01

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 156

You deserved it 381

By duckwater - 01/03/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 776

You deserved it 4 100

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 01:36 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 605

You deserved it 1 590

By peneloperigby - 03/02/2009 06:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called to say that my 11-year-old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassels, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 31 967

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 35 334

By where's the epipen - 23/10/2016 06:41 - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 767

You deserved it 871

Exclusivity

By whoops - 10/06/2020 02:00

Today, I ran into the guy I’ve been seeing. He was holding hands with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 149

By sdauner - 01/03/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I found a $100 bill on the ground and was thinking, "I'm so lucky!!" I opened my wallet to find that $300 was missing. I looked back and saw some guy picking up $300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 7 065

Cruel Summer

By Bhrugu - 20/05/2021 06:01

Today, my 20-day summer break started. It was also the day my entire family, including me, tested positive for Covid. I'm typing this in an isolation ward. There goes my summer break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 03:23 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 690

You deserved it 17 520

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 822

You deserved it 6 090

By Forgetful godmother - 14/03/2019 16:00

Today, I learned that my son’s godmother forgot about the baptism date and booked a family holiday to Italy. Her mother is also on the trip and she is the officiant. I gave them both the date over 6 months ago. Everything is already booked on our side for that date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 249

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 672

You deserved it 13 533

By spooked - 22/11/2013 06:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 641

You deserved it 3 779

By she has dumbcuntitis - 03/06/2015 06:03 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 113

You deserved it 1 996

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 13:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 946

You deserved it 140 103

By love and tolerape, apparently - 01/03/2015 19:24 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 916

You deserved it 8 310

By kellym - 22/04/2009 03:24 - Canada

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 582

You deserved it 157 894

By cupcakemonsteryu - 08/02/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 742

You deserved it 7 475

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 16:42 - United States

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 732

You deserved it 5 629

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 15:36 - United States

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 234

You deserved it 2 645

By Peel - 13/12/2008 04:53 - France

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 582

You deserved it 7 418

Eggs

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 23:01

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 80

By We raised that fool - 06/08/2014 13:21 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 243

You deserved it 4 020

Body issues

By ashamed - 09/05/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me showering in the dark. When he asked why, I just told him it’s more relaxing for me. Truth is, after losing 120 lbs, I’m so disgusted by the look of my sagging skin that I can’t bear to see myself naked anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 27/08/2013 07:21 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 760

You deserved it 21 169

By mvgirl - 22/10/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 949

You deserved it 5 567

By evilplatypus - 11/02/2019 14:00 - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 170

By couchsurfer - 10/08/2012 00:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 039

You deserved it 29 899

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 20:13 - France

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 743

You deserved it 46 718

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Top comments

DragonMaiden7 15

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Friday 20 October 2017 22:55

I think your husband may be a sociopath...

kazekai8 11

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Friday 20 October 2017 22:25

Wtf? You do not show that shit to a kid and the first time I seen that was when I was 17. Good job for traumatizing the poor kid :<

kazekai8 11

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Friday 20 October 2017 22:25

Wtf? You do not show that shit to a kid and the first time I seen that was when I was 17. Good job for traumatizing the poor kid :<

Rabite 28

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 19:46

So why feed meat to children then, if you can't even show them how their food was "made"?

seasonedtoast 19

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Friday 20 October 2017 22:34

Why did the chicken cross the road? To stop from traumatising the small child (and avoid certain death!)

Glowworm56 25

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Friday 20 October 2017 22:36

This is not the right way to teach a child about life and death. That chicken was meant to be a family pet, not dinner for the family.

ViviMage 38

Monday 23 October 2017 3:14

Some people raise their own food, and once a hen stops laying she is Sunday night Roast Chicken. But that is not the impression I get here.

DragonMaiden7 15

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Friday 20 October 2017 22:55

I think your husband may be a sociopath...

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 20 October 2017 22:56

Your chicken was named Jar Jar? Your husband should have shown your kid a Star Wars movie with Jar Jar Binks in it and the kid would’ve strangled the chicken himself!

Alex Neiva 17

Saturday 21 October 2017 6:04

what?? what does jar jar have to do with this father murdering the family pet in front of his toddler son?

Glowworm56 25

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Saturday 21 October 2017 14:16

The OP's username is RIPJarJar. JarJar was probably the name of the poor chicken.

Tripartita 44

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Friday 20 October 2017 22:57

Based on this one show I watched, seeing things like that at an early age can give your child a "Dark Passenger" that will only leave at the conclusion of a protracted and unsatisfactory story arc.

Sinshine 27

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Friday 20 October 2017 23:06

That's cruel and seriously messed up... but I keep wondering... people keep chickens as pets? o.o

Glowworm56 25

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Friday 20 October 2017 23:12

Yes. Chickens can be pets and provide eggs too. My late pediatrician had chickens as pets.

Suaria 37

Sunday 22 October 2017 4:44

I grew up with chickens as pets. My parents liked how they didn't have to buy eggs for a couple of years.

thehaystackerine 20

Friday 20 October 2017 23:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

really_dad? 13

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Friday 20 October 2017 23:25

Your kids sound boards

mcdgaf 14

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Saturday 21 October 2017 3:05

same!

Levvy 22

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Sunday 22 October 2017 6:09

You never actually got around to saying what the "problem" was. You just echoed "pet chicken" and then tried to engage in "internet-tough-guy-by-proxy" (the only thing sadder than the run-of-the-mill internet tough guy) using your children. Try again. What precisely is the "problem" in a child crying because their parent intentionally killed one of their pets in front of them?

Rabite 28

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 19:49

Sounds like the father of the year...

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Saturday 20 January 2018 18:28

Wow, your "kids" sound so hardcore. Good job raising them.

really_dad? 13

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Friday 20 October 2017 23:24

"Our pet"? "slaughtered"? It sounds like you couldn't give a smaller fuck about its life. Don't call your animals a pet if you can kill them with no hesitation. They are your barn animal. If he was your pet, however, your husband's a bigger dick for killing a beloved chicken in front of your child.

Levvy 22

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Sunday 22 October 2017 6:10

What in the heck are you talking about? Did we even read the same post? Where on earth did the OP say she could kill the chicken without a second thought? It's like you took the entire premise of the FML and included it as a hypothetical at the end of your post there like you'd read something that didn't just say exactly that.

GhostFox 33

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Monday 23 October 2017 22:11

"Our pet" implies that OP held affection toward the chicken. "Slaughtered" has negative connotations that imply she didn't approve of killing the chicken at all, not just him killing it in front of their child. Especially since it sounds like OP only found out what the husband had done AFTER he did it.