Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I went in to get a sub sandwich. I asked the guy behind the counter if he could please put extra pickles on it. He looked at my stomach, and then put a huge handful of them on. I'm not pregnant, just fat. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. This brings me bad news and good news. The bad news, I'm a vegetarian. The good news, I finally know why I've been craving Big Macs for the last two weeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML
Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML
Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
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Top comments
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Then will the baby be a slider?
jackassiddy 8
Next time you see him in his underwear ask him if he is really cold or is he just smuggling tic-tacs.. Nickname him pea shooter..
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Comments (165)
erockinthesuburb 17
Rabble rabble!
rhysfucker 24
Walk around going "robble robble robble" like the real Hamburglar. Get the mask and hat, too, if you can find them. 28: you must have posted as I was typing....good fingers!
JinxosGirl87 0
Just make sure you lose the baby weight after he/she is born or you'll have to learn to respond to that name.
bubo_fml 11
I ate McDonald's last night & when I had my morning shit, I felt like I just gave birth...
KiddNYC1O 22
I ate there yesterday as well. Except I felt hungover today... strange.
ice723 5
we need pictures....and would that mean you have ketchup instead of milk....
loserman67 36
Men can be so insensitive - I know I am one. Look, let the nickname stick - just ignore it - have the baby - lose thebaby weight - get yourself all sexy - then tell him you no longer accept "small wieners" only "Big Macs"!
ohmandapants 17
Don't worry OP, my cousin looked like she was 7 months pregnant at 4 months. Just be happy that you have a little baby on the way! You're pregnant, enjoy it! Eat whatever the hell you want! And you'll have your revenge because when you're in labour, you can beat him up and keep reminding him "YOU DID THIS TO ME"
sucks2BEyouu 0
laugh in his face and ask him the same question >; )
rattusrattus 19
This is when you start developing cravings for garlic bread or something. Enough garlic bread to repel all vampires in a five-mile radius. Something nice and stinky.
Babydoll4ever 7
Or, they could just use your joke. You know...nice and stinky.:)
AminTheDream 0
Wow! Say the baby is from another man, He'll be aware of how u feel. Check Out funny vids: youtube.com/AminTheDream