Sex, Medication and Intimacy: Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice...

By buxton1 - 18/02/2013 08:24 - United States - Ramona

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 628

You deserved it 3 379

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By tammyg - 11/02/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 463

You deserved it 6 281

I don't wanna

By Anonymous - 11/10/2020 15:02 - Estonia

Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 369

By sexandanxiety - 30/04/2015 00:46 - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 647

You deserved it 4 222

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 22:23 - United States

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 145

You deserved it 4 853

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 147

You deserved it 3 652

So frustraaaatiiiiiing

By Anonymous - 10/05/2023 16:00 - Tanzania

Today, after my husband told me he doesn't enjoy having sex unless he initiates it, my mother-in-law barged into my bedroom only to find me pleasing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 201

By OutOfMyMind - 22/10/2013 00:12 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 869

You deserved it 12 055

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 105

Brutally honest

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 07:25 - Australia

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 933

You deserved it 2 915

Parental advice

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my brother and his wife, who is 6 months pregnant, disturbed our boring family vacation by having really loud sex. Our Mother then began a sentence aimed at me that started with, "I think if you showed more enthusiasm…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 176

katt_is_here 24

Monday 18 February 2013 17:12

Sounds like damn good advice to me!

xStaciexLynnx 15

Monday 18 February 2013 17:03

We have videos of my mom on Ambien. People do some pretty odd stuff...

Comments

perdix 29

Monday 18 February 2013 17:17

I'm sure your dad is thrilled to pay for double the drugs and not getting any unless he "behaves."

lilhellian 26

Monday 18 February 2013 18:32

Why so serious 29..

21jason 9

Monday 18 February 2013 18:46

It's both of their money, so yes he still would be Paying for it

10showgirl 16

Monday 18 February 2013 19:20

We don't even know if her parents are still together... How are you so sure that OP's dad pays for her mom's pills?

perdix 29

Monday 18 February 2013 19:44

#34, maybe the children were born by Immaculate Conception, so there is no mortal father at all. This comment was a lot funnier when we all assumed that Dad has to pay double for Mom's Ambien while she masturbates instead of sexing him.

Catkam623 27

Monday 18 February 2013 17:17

I disagree the man should always be included, Jill gets old after a while.

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 18 February 2013 17:21

Your mom gives sound advice on Ambien. Dose her a couple more times so she can make her man a sammich while she's asleep.

aardvarkish 15

Thursday 21 February 2013 13:27

I don't know why sammich is funny, but it is.

buddy51 23

Monday 18 February 2013 17:28

Ambien: The magic drug of truth-telling....

lennelleong 33

Sunday 21 July 2013 7:01

Veritaseum

BossPathfinderGM 14

Monday 18 February 2013 17:44

That is an epic mother right there.

sugarbear0727 19

Monday 18 February 2013 18:06

That's pretty hilarious. She has a good point. You should only reward guys when they behave and are being nice.

rattusrattus 18

Monday 18 February 2013 18:09

Yeah, take the second half of her advice. The first part isn't bad either as long as it's not the full extent of your sex life (unless you want it to be).

karlcolt45 19

Monday 18 February 2013 19:43

epic mom advice.

Zforya 10

Monday 18 February 2013 20:11

Haha you're mom is a ****!

IHaveThePower 16

Monday 18 September 2023 2:54

It's always a pretty safe bet that if someone's calling a woman a ****, they're not worth listening to, but in your case, I think a plant called and wanted the oxygen it made back for someone who can read a dictionary.