Animals and Health: Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will... - FML

By DocDog - 24/03/2017 02:00

Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will because I refused to believe that dogs can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 684

You deserved it 496

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/06/2014 18:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 497

You deserved it 4 570

Why so serious?

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 434

You deserved it 3 384

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 05:05 - United States

Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 026

You deserved it 8 092

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 487

You deserved it 13 244

Quality family time

By really mature, GRAN - 25/12/2012 20:59 - United States - El Macero

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 762

You deserved it 3 068

Social reform, please

By Pepsi - 06/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 135

By Noname - 26/10/2008 21:20 - United States

Today, while at the dinner table, my grandmother told me she backed over a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 184

You deserved it 4 453

You must conform

By lefthandspanker - 27/08/2015 16:34 - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 1 630

By :( - 28/03/2014 20:25 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 708

You deserved it 4 820

Who does this?

By Wanda - 11/05/2021 01:59

Today, my demented mother-in-law had my dog euthanized while I was on vacation, because he was, "too feral and disorderly." Why? Because he, "peed on the grass." I had that dog for 9 years. Why couldn’t my husband put her in a nursing home instead? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 99

Next

Top comments

mariekitty 21

Wednesday 22 March 2017 6:29

Google it. There's actually a video of a dog giving the heimlick manoeuvre

bakry 19

Wednesday 22 March 2017 3:10

Well they sorta can, it's called humping

Comments

babs22291 15

Saturday 25 March 2017 1:21

No but dogs can do a hind- lick maneuver.

GhostFox 33

Saturday 25 March 2017 9:18

I'm pretty sure that some service dogs ARE taught variations of the Heimlich maneuver if they're human's disorder makes choking a frequent risk. I mean, they probably can't do the throat clearing part, but they can be trained to do the actual movement.

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The Top

Today, I love my husband to death and want sex all the time, meanwhile he claims he loves me too but constantly turns down sex and has even managed to negotiate a promise that I won’t ask for sex on special occasions like his birthday. What am I doing wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 885

You deserved it 339

Today, I went to surprise my girlfriend, who was at work at Target, with flowers. I asked the employee at the entrance if she was there. When he asked who I was, his face lit up red and he started profusely apologizing, stating, “She told me you guys broke up.” before guiding me to her area. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 77

The Top

Today, I have an incredibly high sex drive. My boyfriend doesn't. He made me throw away my, rarely used, sex toys because he's jealous of them. I wouldn't need them if we had sex more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 097

You deserved it 370

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 872

You deserved it 2 896

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 793

You deserved it 2 681

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 485

You deserved it 4 806

Today, my Nana asked me to get her a book from her nightstand, but failed to specify which nightstand was hers. I stumbled across my grandparents' collection of sex toys instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 080

You deserved it 311

Today, when I was a teen, I felt inferior for being flat-chested. So I got a boob job. As an adult, I started yoga and meditation. Then I felt foolish for not embracing my natural self and having plastic stuff in me. Got the implants out. Now I'm happy with my looks but have nerve damage from the procedures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 441