Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML
Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML
Today, my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about the importance of personal hygiene. According to her, it's important that I shower twice a day, because, "Fat people tend to have a most curious smell about them." FML
Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t… FML
Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML
Today, my grandma and her neighbor compared their sports bras in front of me. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my bedridden, 94-year-old grandma. She woke me up at 6 a.m. only to tell me her UTI is still there. Later, she made me interrupt my 15-minute-dinner a total of 4 times because she wanted things like "more lotion in her buttcrack." FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML
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Top comments
igive 29
Tell her that if you smell, you won't find a man. If you can't find a man, you can't give her grandbabies.
MDoremis 38
I can't even comprehend the thought process behind that...
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Comments (60)
thaqueen_fml 15
On today's episode of "Adventures with Grandma".
gracehi 33
I read the FML and was like, "Meh." Then I read OP's user name and died. Thanks for the laugh, OP.
MandieL 27
It was actually a very common thing back then to believe that any types of soap could throw off the PH balance in the ****** and cause a myriad of issues, including infertility. It could be because of the chemicals they used to use in soaps, but it's just an old fashioned issue that is now a non-issue. Older people tend to hold fast to the old ways and have zero filter. As for her telling you that you need to give her a great grandchild, that too could be from old fashioned values, but more so just from her wanting something. I had fertility issued and it took me 7 years to get pregnant, my mom was constantly harping on me. She now constantly harps on my brother who does not want kids at all. All this despite the fact that she already has 4 grandchildren. Just ignore her OP and do what makes you happy.
climbr11410 12
Elderly always feel entitled to grandchildren. It's always seemed terribly rude in my opinion.
Cassandra2015 21
sounds like granny knows her stuff ..
Alicimo 11
I for one feel so sorry for you OP! As if your grandma actually said that out loud in public, I'd probably die of embarrassment! I hope the rest of your week is full of moments that make you smile.
lux_final_spark 18
Oh, imagine how pissed Nana will be if you decide you don't want children. I'd take two forms of protection and not condoms alone when she's near
thefmlman2011 37
"time to put you down, gran"
EcoAirWarrior 7
You should inform your grandmother that the planet is currently overpopulated and that dramatic climactic change could devastate the natural world as well as ravaging civilization and natural disasters could soon regularly occur if the global population continues to rise
MandieL 27
It's not the people who are having one kid though, as life still needs to go on. It's the people having 3, 4, 8, 16, 19. Too many tv shows these days encourage many multiples for a chance to be famous. IMO I think it is selfish these days to have more than a couple because of over population, plus with the price of everything, the quality of life you will be able to provide your children goes down with each additional child you have.
a1_z9 10
I know some big families whose kids are the happiest, politest, creepily talented people I've ever met so I can't judge them. I think people having children they know they'll be devoted to is more important than being able to tell women how many babies should or shouldn't come out their vaginas.
MandieL 27
I agree that it is up to each individual person how many kids they want to have, but many of these people do it for selfish or stupid reasons and can not actually afford it (yes, money isn't everything, but unfortunately we require it to live) I have seen this far too many times, and have been screwed over far too many times (due to my old bleeding heart) that it has made me jaded in the area. I also think that it has become a fad due to reality TV. If you can afford to provide a good life for a multitude of children then good for you, go for it, but from my experience, 9 out of 10 families can't and it just makes a poor situation for the children.
tiredofwaiting 25
Tell her you won't find a man to have grandchildren with.
tiredofwaiting 25
That is so embarrassing that is something my grandma would say.