By çapousse2904 - 12/09/2014 05:45 - France - Le Pr?-saint-gervais

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks 465
You deserved it 49
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Top comments

crazytwinsmom 25

Miralax works wonders, for the constipation, not the abs.

207 3

Comments

GodPart2 20

Holy? If anything, the crap may lead to a lot of sin :-)

77 5
kristabelli 19

Dude, you need to eat some leafy greens. Or better yet some lentils! They're like nature's laxative.

53 2
SailorSolaris 43

Plums too. The skin is a natural laxative.

35 0
graceface1031 7

Why did #18 get down-voted? I totally get it haha.

8 4
Iceberg86300 14

After 3 weeks screw the nature shit! Take some stool softener, drink a ton of water and keep doing so, then go for the exlax if nothing's moved.

1 0
Nyx7 24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
SuperCasual 13

Stay constipated so you can feel better about yourself? What the shit?

114 14
ElmoSaysSquishy 28

That's not what they're saying. They're saying if he's comfortable with his body the way it is, even if he's bigger, he shouldn't have to change. And they hope his constipation goes away.

65 5
Nyx7 24

Dear lord thank you, someone understood

60 5
JuliaaNoelle 26

The FML didn't say that he was overweight though. Maybe she thought he was working out to tone himself and gain more muscle. Not necessarily to lose weight.

18 2
crazytwinsmom 25

Miralax works wonders, for the constipation, not the abs.

207 3
lil_ham1644 29

Miralax doesn't really work for me, it gives me abdominal pain. Try ducalax if that happens to you.

19 3
martin8337 35

Or try magnesium citrate. It comes in lemon flavor and it costs around $1. This stuff really works.

22 1
LaxGuy26 12

Swallowing cesium works as well. It will really get your bowels moving.

7 2
crazytwinsmom 25

Miralax is gentle but does take longer to kick in, sometimes 3 days. But it's not like opening a floodgate when it does start working.

6 1
amisenho 11

Try Sugar-Free Gummy Bears (or any sugar-free candy). Those will do the trick. Artificial sweeteners, when metabolized, can cause gastrointestinal distress, but they at least get rid of your poop.

1 1
Demoniq 25

If you admit to her, she may not pressure you to keep those abs :P

65 2
noah_1234 24

does constipation cause your abs to show?

1 1
spatula232 25

*starts not eating anything organic* abs here we come

3 1
KnownAsCAJ 11

It's compacted digested material stuck and building up in your intestines, so it makes the stomach feel tough and hard.

1 0
abattior 18

Powerful constipation! i'd like some abs too >.< .

46 4
RandomMishaps 14

That's a shitty situation. Oh wait...no it isn't.

100 11
Queensland 27

Cut the crap, OP. Can you stop pushing out with these horrible stories? They clog up the forum. Just harden up and stop bumming around.

kost4060 14

Ur the kind of person who would do cocaine at a party and try to make everyone else do it

15 51
MilkyFilmz 26

I think those were puns.

52 1
Queensland 27

Thank you for being the first to realise this #20!

17 41
stargirl_95 24

Everyone realised they were puns. You're getting downvoted because they're awful

83 3
JMichael 25

I agree with #30, your crap puns were crap.

29 3
cryssycakesx3 22

you just pushed those puns out a little too hard...

28 14
tayymeds 23

Talk about over kill...

5 0
adrian_swag 11

You're a very intelligent person. Lol :) I like you have a nice day

0 0
rjsmith 6

Shitload of puns there... just a little bit of an overflow.

1 0
blueblu97 16

Drop the deuce and start working out for real, impress her

46 7