By çapousse2904 - 12/09/2014 05:45 - France - Le Pr?-saint-gervais

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks 465
You deserved it 47

Top comments

crazytwinsmom 25

Miralax works wonders, for the constipation, not the abs.


Holy? If anything, the crap may lead to a lot of sin :-)

kristabelli 19

Dude, you need to eat some leafy greens. Or better yet some lentils! They're like nature's laxative.

SailorSolaris 43

Plums too. The skin is a natural laxative.

Why did #18 get down-voted? I totally get it haha.

After 3 weeks screw the nature shit! Take some stool softener, drink a ton of water and keep doing so, then go for the exlax if nothing's moved.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Stay constipated so you can feel better about yourself? What the shit?

That's not what they're saying. They're saying if he's comfortable with his body the way it is, even if he's bigger, he shouldn't have to change. And they hope his constipation goes away.

Dear lord thank you, someone understood

JuliaaNoelle 26

The FML didn't say that he was overweight though. Maybe she thought he was working out to tone himself and gain more muscle. Not necessarily to lose weight.

crazytwinsmom 25

Miralax works wonders, for the constipation, not the abs.

Miralax doesn't really work for me, it gives me abdominal pain. Try ducalax if that happens to you.

martin8337 35

Or try magnesium citrate. It comes in lemon flavor and it costs around $1. This stuff really works.

Swallowing cesium works as well. It will really get your bowels moving.

crazytwinsmom 25

Miralax is gentle but does take longer to kick in, sometimes 3 days. But it's not like opening a floodgate when it does start working.

Try Sugar-Free Gummy Bears (or any sugar-free candy). Those will do the trick. Artificial sweeteners, when metabolized, can cause gastrointestinal distress, but they at least get rid of your poop.

If you admit to her, she may not pressure you to keep those abs :P

does constipation cause your abs to show?

*starts not eating anything organic* abs here we come

It's compacted digested material stuck and building up in your intestines, so it makes the stomach feel tough and hard.

Powerful constipation! i'd like some abs too >.< .

That's a shitty situation. Oh it isn't.

Cut the crap, OP. Can you stop pushing out with these horrible stories? They clog up the forum. Just harden up and stop bumming around.

Ur the kind of person who would do cocaine at a party and try to make everyone else do it

MilkyFilmz 26

Thank you for being the first to realise this #20!

Everyone realised they were puns. You're getting downvoted because they're awful

JMichael 25

I agree with #30, your crap puns were crap.

cryssycakesx3 22

you just pushed those puns out a little too hard...

tayymeds 23

You're a very intelligent person. Lol :) I like you have a nice day

Shitload of puns there... just a little bit of an overflow.

Drop the deuce and start working out for real, impress her