Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
if only her boss knew the sacrifices she made
RitRit 20
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
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Comments (70)
exergency 17
She's a keeper.
derangedplanet 23
hey at least she's pod trained! if fml has taught me anything it's that's not all people are! :)
SS 31
Best FML I've ever seen. Ngl I did this once, it was quite a smelly but satisfying experience, but I was alone in the middle of nowhere at the time.
Migole 36
The funny thing is that German trains aren't punctual at all ... better take japanese ones for examples :P
sturschaedel 27
Or Swiss. I don't think I ever arrived without incident whenever I was taking German trains. And I did that quite a lot for a couple of years.
9a_1z 12
I travelled through Switzerland and Germany a few months ago. Swiss trains were amazing and I was expecting more of the same when I got to Germany. I was very disappointed. Especially on the last day when I had a plane to catch and a lot of changes, seemed even worse than British trains!
trucker2 33
Sounds like your gonna be missing a sock too
enginsteve 17
I find this hilarious mainly because it was not mentioned until this far down in the FML...
davek 36
And as filthy as a German porno.
ShadowWolfoxImp 18
you gotta do what ya gotta do... but holy shit. o.o hope the bag wasn't godly (holey/holy)
Attacksloth 33
Extreme punctuality is usually a good thing, unless it's obsessive.
xcllla_ 27
Extreme punctuality of bowel movements you mean?
foxy_grampa 19
Why not just show up early and use the bathroom at work?
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Maybe her job took some time to get to and she couldn't hold it until she got to work.
tiger820 20
what the hell did she wipe with????? ?
trucker2 33
His sock, unless you want to picture her doing the doggie swipe. Your choice!!
ohSNAPyall 27
Couldn't have used the bathroom at work or a coffee shop?