Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
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Top comments
jewjewbee 6
idiot. you PRETEND to be drunk. then you hook up with him, remember everything, are in control of how much you act like a fool, and can blame it on the alcohol later. puking isn't sexy.
Clever_Nick_Here 0
Not brave enough to just go hit on him? You asked for that one.
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Comments (102)
mo_the_owl 0
oh jesus. It's shit like this that makes me embarrassed to be a woman. Not that men don't pull stupid shit, but for god's sake! Have some dignity!! YDI FOR BEING A STUPID DRUNK WITH NO SOCIAL SKILLS!!
leofan15 0
lmao ew you puked in his ear??...
AshleyRose784 0
it's always your fault, blaming alcohol is just stupid
triplethreat13 0
blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol! haha sorry, that was quite tempting to say. why would you get drunk? just walk over to him and say how you feel. if he doesn't feel the same way, just deal with it. act like an adult.
munkycrazy 0
how stupid! just tell him. if you don't have the guts to tell him how you feel w/o getting drunk .... maybe you don't feel much for him. or maybe you want him to use you like a **** by taking advantage of your drunk ass
waterynuggets 0
Girl you know I feel good unlike how you look couple mo' shots u open up like a book u trippin
tbwrb 0
In honesty your plan sucked from the start. Truth be told it's better to make a move, any move, whilst sober or after just one or two drinks, don't try and get pissed just to make a play.
impendingxapathy 0
Hey don't feel bad! Thats how I was born, my parents met because my mom threw up on him at a college dorm party : /
i_is_a_tr00l 0
Sexy. ;D Did you get a date? :)
jonny2x4 0
Liquid courage FAIL! FOUR YEARS!? What is wrong with you? Just talk to him. I take it you are shy as well as not hot. Now his lasting impression of you is that of a drunken **** who puked on him. Good luck hooking up with him.