Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
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Top comments
jewjewbee 6
idiot. you PRETEND to be drunk. then you hook up with him, remember everything, are in control of how much you act like a fool, and can blame it on the alcohol later. puking isn't sexy.
Clever_Nick_Here 0
Not brave enough to just go hit on him? You asked for that one.
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Comments (102)
americayay 0
:D
Matty_No9 0
best you coulda done was atleast just act a little drunk while still knowing what you were saying and could control how drunk you seemed without being a totall dumb bitch..YDI for feeling that u had to get dumb and easy to talk to your crush of 4 years..what would you guys talk about..how you watch every move he makes anywhere you see him?
deaditegirl 0
YDI. Why couldn't you just TALK to him? Opening your mouth and having words come out is not that difficult.
po_ta_to 0
Instead of opening her mouth and having puke come out...
xOblivion 0
YDI for having a crush on someone for that long.. COME ON, after about a week you can figure out if someone's really interested or not. Grow up.
ky_stone22 0
Of course YDI. I mean, I guess I can sympathize for you for being nervous and being a bit scared to talk to him, especially if you're neither smooth nor a good flirt. But getting totally shit-faced is most certainly NOT the answer. There's a difference between loose and wasted. The second the word "drunk" came into the picture, it was a YDI.
Chubtubdaplaya 0
****
ooouuuccchhh 0
reading this got Blame It stuck in my head.
OMGitsKaleyxo 0
nice. whyd u have to get drunk. u couldve just told him.
plexico 4
What a story you are going to have to tell your kids! A personal "How I Met Your Mother." It will start with the four years of cat and mouse,. . . blah, blah, blah. . . She puked on me, and then we ******! Thank you, good night!!
sdr_fml 0
We all know all women pretend drunk or get drunk so they can blame it on the alcohol and not their own slutty ways.
spyderman2190 0
i agree, as matter of fact i knew, she just proved my point