Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
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Top comments
jewjewbee 6
idiot. you PRETEND to be drunk. then you hook up with him, remember everything, are in control of how much you act like a fool, and can blame it on the alcohol later. puking isn't sexy.
Clever_Nick_Here 0
Not brave enough to just go hit on him? You asked for that one.
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Comments (102)
cruncheweezy 0
Why the **** do you need alcohol to talk to a guy? Not only does booze make you SEEM stupider than you actually are, what's the point? If you're actually going to be spending time with him outside of a bar scene, you're going to (hopefully) be sober anyway. Honestly, girls that need alcohol just to talk to a guy aren't worth it AT ALL. Grow a freaking spine, OP you ninny.
cruncheweezy 0
Someone with no balls, no brains and no social skills AT ALL, obvs. Also, Snails.
Charlina 0
youre an idiot! being drunk is not sexy! get some balls and try to ask a guy out when youre sober (if someone still wants you, you *****)
Diabro 0
GOD FORBID YOU BREAK THE GENDER ROLES AND ACTUALLY MAKE THE FIRST MOVE SOBER.
Dessgeega 0
Why don't you just PRETEND to be drunk?
wellinever 5
Being drunk is NEVER sexy. Maybe social taboos are more rigid in the Philippines, but there must be an easier way for you to let a guy know you are interested. Like looking at him. And smiling. Guys are pretty tuned in to those signals.
nanoflacka 0
So u confessed what u had for lunch?
Laxguitar37 0
lightweighttt!
nodbor 11
wish that I could draw this one. OP hey come I just want that you here big boy, to tell you make me want to ffffaaaaaccchh. I bet that he did not ask you to repeat it.
Wraith_Paladin 0
Why didn't you just PRETEND??? That song is so damned stupid, and you're responsible for your actions DESPITE any alcohol impairment. You deserved what you got. Nobody can blame it on alcohol, as alcohol is an inanimate thing. The blame lies in YOUR lack of good judgment. Drinking too much=Vomiting in your crush's ear.