Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jewjewbee 6
idiot. you PRETEND to be drunk. then you hook up with him, remember everything, are in control of how much you act like a fool, and can blame it on the alcohol later. puking isn't sexy.
Clever_Nick_Here 0
Not brave enough to just go hit on him? You asked for that one.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (102)
TheGasMaskGuy 0
Way to go!
buttonface 0
You cannot be good looking and like a guy who shows no interest for 4 years. Ydi for presumably being ugly as **** and not holding your alcohol well.
stevenmx86 8
Grow a back bone and just talk to him you wuss...
rockinroyalty 0
U didnt really have to get drunk dumbass. YDI
briissocoollike 8
Alcohol is so bad
jshaw104 1
Just bc you drink alcohol doest make it ok to do things you wouldn't normally do. I hate when ppl do stupid shit
insanelyXnikki 18
Dude, thats a dumb plan in the first place but if you must try to pull it off, don't get THAT drunk.
fml_mu 10
You deserve it for getting drunk!!!
733yoda_fml 19
If a crush lasts longer than 4 months, you're in love
fantasyworld 39
Blaming alcohol is stupid.