Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
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Top comments
jewjewbee 6
idiot. you PRETEND to be drunk. then you hook up with him, remember everything, are in control of how much you act like a fool, and can blame it on the alcohol later. puking isn't sexy.
Clever_Nick_Here 0
Not brave enough to just go hit on him? You asked for that one.
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Comments (102)
canucksrule88 0
who takes 4 years to make a move anyways?
jollyjam1 2
Snails.
tiffanyamberlee 0
So true !
oopsie_daisy8446 0
haha, i instantly thought 'blame it on the a a a a a alcohol' :)
canucksrule88 0
[email protected] your gag reflex next time ;)
allmidnighteyes 11
You got drunk to try and hook up with someone else, then puked in their ear? You're ******* classy. Also, that song is a ******* abomination
AntiChrist7 0
you don't have t be drunk to make a move on men. Just wear something with not much textile in it.
DameGreyWulf 1
Just... talk... to him.. Jesus ******* Christ And blame it on the alcohol? Then he'll think you're an easy sleaze once he boozes you up nice... or he'll think you're a moron who loves getting drunk. Yeah, your plan was real perfect there... In other words, oh, you'll get noticed, but he'll have ZERO respect for you. Of course, it's already happened anyway
americayay 0
LOL. I hadn't even thought about the fact that they guy she likes would just think she was drunken *****. Maybe because I would never do this. Moron.
JarJarBinks_fml 0
A 4-year crush? This seems somewhat of an oxymoron
prshusl0l 0
YDI, for trying to blame it on the alcohol :3
green_orange 0
heh ... similar thing happened to me. Only that I really got drunk (I didn't plan anything I was just having a bad week and I wanted to forget about it - by getting drunk of course, it's not something I'm proud of) then I kissed a guy I barely knew, pushed him away, puked, and then kissed him again. the thing is ... we ended up together and are in a relationship more than a year now. It's great :) don't plan anything, if it's ment to be, then it'll happen ... trust me I should know :P
arienh4 0
There's something called coincidence. I for one know that even if it's meant to be doesn't mean it'll happen.
americayay 0
LOL. Your grandkids are going to love that story.
9az00 0
"I decided to get so drunk" your a ******* moron
leisl14 0
uhh way to not quote her properly at all
daytrotter 0
If you're going to try to insult someone, try not sounding like a total idiot when you do. It's "you're a ******* moron", not "your a ******* moron". Try paying attention in school.