Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
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Top comments
TheBrickWithouse 10
i have one word for you: buckets. Seriously though, FYL.
prelim_champ 10
The visual image of a "diarrhea fountain" is quite vomit-inducing...
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Comments (176)
wriptidez 0
buy a house with 2 restrooms
loserman67 36
I hope your family at least enjoyed the dinner before the "trots" started. My advice, some of you check into a hotel, get adjoining rooms, that way you can encourage each other on. Make it a contest, "See who can fill the bowl the fastest" The winner gets to be first in line for the return trip, the loser has to wait until everyone else has gone. You might as well try and make the best of this....
BighornB 0
time for a brown showers party!
Bobby64 29
"A collective diarrhea fountain"... Wow, that was a beautiful metaphor, OP. Write a poem about the experience once you're finished.
bonbonscity 0
I feel a sitcom coming on...! :D
Calyx_fml 22
Thanks for the visual.
swasticop 0
113- 105 did not fail because he was owning 102 so much that it cancelled out the fail.
isaac713 0
diarrhea fountain? thts new go outside im sure theres enough bushes for all yall
talensledge1 0
Since when did ppl use washers to clean their plates?
SamanthaRose143 6
Well...I think I know where you aren't eating again(: