Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML
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Top comments
xZoeAmethystx 12
It's okay. Potterhead for life
drakem 7
Can't blame you, Harry Potter is awesome!
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Comments (103)
BossPathfinderGM 14
Maybe he'll make it up to you by working some of his own magic with the wand.
TiroC 25
Atleast he's trying!
redbluegreen 41
He was just trying to enter your Chamber of Secrets.
gmc_blossom 21
Well, he's not going to get very far unless he knows Parseltongue.
assassinthefirst 5
His snake might Slytherin anyway.
olive12560 0
what ? Hewlett Packard make vibrators ?
film_addict1129 16
Can someone please explain this comment to me...?
RedPillSucks 33
and excellent printers, even if the ******* ink cartridges cost more than the damn printer.
softrally 15
Kick ass laptops? No. Their laptops suck. Their printers are great, though.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Aha, I would have been more excited about the HP wand too OP. Love your nick by the way :)
alkerh 8
Are these the wands that were taken off of sale due to girls of a limited age discovering their "other" functions?
graceinsheepwear 34
Say what?
alkerh 8
Maybe it was just here then, fairly big a couple of years back, lots of mums complained after finding their daughters using them, just not in the recommended way.
Americanus 7
Tell him "thank you, I'd figured you would have to pull off some magic to get me off"
perdix 31
He should have given you the "Dick in a Box." Step One. Cut a hole in a box...
Padreschargers7 14
Step 2: cover in invisibility cloak
RedPillSucks 33
Shhh!!! There's no magic if you explain all the steps.
tropical_chic 4
Just keep on using it especially infront of him and EVErytime he wants sex, ignore him and say, I love my vibrator better babe. And just use it until it pisses him off! It'll be funny
Llama_Face89 34
Woah the FML is about OP mistaking what he was getting her for something else. Why punish him for buying her a gift?
whoracle_fml 12
Imagination is a good life skill, right?