Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 07:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 053

You deserved it 4 106

BO Central

Dysfunctional

Guilt

By ac19k - 22/03/2016 02:34 - United States - Franklin

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 273

By Tragic - 27/04/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 168

You deserved it 6 812

By notmydad. - 08/05/2010 10:07 - Philippines

Spicy

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 3 646

By Kid Lacef - 31/10/2018 15:30

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a kiss, and in response, she suggested that we settle for a hand hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 098

You deserved it 361

By Anonymous - 15/07/2017 00:30 - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 685

You deserved it 427

Y'all need fiber.

By blondie875 - 26/05/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 1 316

By manda8484 - 01/11/2016 05:12 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I've been crushing on for a while. When he dropped me off, I said thank you and that we should do it again sometime. He replied, "Yeah, maybe next Halloween." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 698

You deserved it 792

By FML - 08/11/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad drove me to work which is an hour away. 20 minutes into the job, I was told 'Didn't we tell you last week? We let you go.' Clearly, no, they didn't. I had to wait one awkward hour, with my colleagues who knew I was fired before I did, for my dad to collect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 306

You deserved it 2 384

By Jane - 07/12/2009 10:33 - United States

Today, I found out the weekly coffee talks my husband was having with his ex-girlfriend stopped involving coffee about 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 691

You deserved it 21 222

By Jodie - 03/02/2012 12:48 - Australia

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 887

You deserved it 50 152

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 618

You deserved it 2 503

By TKPhai - 05/04/2015 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 143

You deserved it 16 419

By Fuckmylife - 19/12/2018 22:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, thanks to a side effect from my medication I'm suffering the longest mild panic attack I've ever had. I'm on day 2 and it shows no sign of letting up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 473

You deserved it 181

By hitmutefirst - 03/02/2009 10:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 568

You deserved it 50 328

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at my first day of work at a new job, I got stuck in the elevator going to the parking garage. I have claustrophobia about both elevators and parking garages. They said this never happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 076

You deserved it 380

By stuckwithafamilyofcunts - 27/04/2013 20:23 - Spain - El Puig

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 564

You deserved it 3 660

By Rabite - 13/09/2016 11:22 - Germany

Today, I was on a business trip with a co-worker. We had to wait for the train, so I decided to browse a store in the train station while he waited outside. I then got a message on my cell phone, from my co-worker saying, "You are somewhere on this train, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 540

You deserved it 5 261

Bed move

By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 931

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 03:09 - Canada

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 493

You deserved it 71 306

Twitchy

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 15:01 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Spicy

Today, I still can't talk to cute girls my age without getting tics. I'm over 30, a lesbian, and technically still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 016

You deserved it 20 600

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 16:04 - United States

Today, I had to spend all of my money on textbooks even though my refrigerator is empty. Starving and frustrated, I called home to ask for money for groceries. My mom told me I could afford to skip a few meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 483

You deserved it 5 903

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 00:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 323

You deserved it 9 920

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 16:54 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 654

You deserved it 3 429

By millie14225 - 25/07/2019 14:00

Today, I live in a household of 3 people, with only one vehicle. My transmission blew right after working 16 straight hours. I had to walk 6 miles home, not to mention figure out work tomorrow. Now my oldest, who does not live with me, is pissed because it is an "inconvenience" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 147

Spook Magook

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 88

By Pauline - 09/02/2016 21:35 - United States

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 729

You deserved it 2 454

Losing my bearings

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00 - United States - Folsom

Today, I walked into a wall. I've lived in this house for nearly thirteen years, but I walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 222

Hey there!

By ohcrap - 08/11/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 936

You deserved it 2 564

By Anonymous - 06/01/2012 04:06 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 803

You deserved it 3 682

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I found out why two of my friends race downstairs to each other to the cafeteria everyday at lunch; apparently there's only one free seat at the table with the rest of their friends, and the loser has to eat lunch with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 660

You deserved it 3 122

By Jules - 21/02/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said I look too ugly when I cry to do it seriously in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 015

You deserved it 4 812

By googly191 - 19/12/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 597

You deserved it 2 466

By Chad - 27/04/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 478

You deserved it 10 442

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 04:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 783

You deserved it 6 175

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 901

You deserved it 56 131

By marlow - 15/01/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 802

You deserved it 2 695

By XYZee - 22/08/2012 20:27 - United States - Rockmart

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 873

You deserved it 1 994

By :( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 047

You deserved it 7 979

By MeowApp - 01/02/2017 10:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 194

You deserved it 1 342

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Thursday 12 November 2009 15:59

I'm assuming Fran from FFXII. She's not a mutant though - at least not in the FF world. Maybe try wearing bunny ears when you have sex. lol

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:17

Yeah, those Japanese are some tricky fuckers. Bunny=innocent Girl having sex with you=vulnerable Two of the things that make men harder than cement. Get over it, though. You should know by now if he's a gamer or not. That kinda stuff happens a lot.

Comments

HyperactiveJer 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 15:52

Saddddd lmfao!!

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Thursday 11 February 2010 16:19

You can't compete with Fran!!

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Thursday 12 November 2009 15:59

I'm assuming Fran from FFXII. She's not a mutant though - at least not in the FF world. Maybe try wearing bunny ears when you have sex. lol

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Sunday 13 December 2009 4:32

i'm not a furry, but the way she's portrayed is really pretty; not surprised at all that he would fantasize about her lol

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Tuesday 20 April 2010 2:20

Yeah, Fran is really attractive. I could see why he'd imagine her, too.

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Wednesday 18 August 2010 21:02

Maybe he's thinking about the other vieras...lol

friedpwnadge 25

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Sunday 13 January 2013 22:47

Fran/10 would bang

justmyluck1212 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:01

tell him ge reminds you of Fat Albert

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:01

Furries are sick fucks. Next thing you know, he's going to want to put you in a bunny suit and yif. Run, bitch, RUN!

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Monday 29 August 2011 1:41

He's not really a furry considering the context of said character. She more human than bunny.

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Saturday 27 October 2012 8:00

Yif? Lol

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:17

Yeah, those Japanese are some tricky fuckers. Bunny=innocent Girl having sex with you=vulnerable Two of the things that make men harder than cement. Get over it, though. You should know by now if he's a gamer or not. That kinda stuff happens a lot.

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:50

Good point. It's kinda strange, but It's one of those things that people do. It's not like he's avoiding thinking about you, or he shouldn't be. And uh, Vierra tend to be a lot more attractive-looking than the word mutant would imply.

perdix 29

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:45

Every time? Sure, Bunny-women are hot, but the dude's got to mix it up. Tell him if he doesn't start fantasizing about Hannah Montana, Tinky-Winky and Bacon Donut Hamburgers while fucking you, then it's over.

vocaloidtiger 12

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 6:34

Because Tinky-Winky is damn hottest Telletubby out there.

goldenturtlez 7

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Thursday 12 September 2013 13:39

Mmm, bacon donut ham hamburgers. That's my Dinkin fantasy ;)

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:51

mines a gamer it happens get over it

Rota 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:54

I always preferred Rikku from FFX.

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Friday 17 December 2010 22:58

ikr (:

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 23:50

Keep in mind that Rikku is supposed to be underage... But, yeah... I prefer her too.

wolf_wizard1134 9

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Monday 5 February 2018 23:53

Kakashi is way cooler

TriniRockStar 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 17:20

mmm bacon doughnut hamburger

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 5:25

I know right

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 5:25

I know right

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Thursday 12 November 2009 17:22

he shouldn't be thinking of other people when having sex with you. ditch him.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 121

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 295