Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend's mother screamed at me for half an hour,...

By slut - 02/07/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother screamed at me for half an hour, calling me a slut because she found a black lacy thong in my boyfriend's bed. I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 463

You deserved it 8 633

Intimacy

Mother of the year

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Inked

By dear god help me. - 04/09/2013 22:46 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 934

You deserved it 3 525

By WartCream - 18/08/2013 00:27 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 590

You deserved it 4 823

By blech - 08/12/2014 23:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 703

You deserved it 2 543

By axel519 - 31/12/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 974

You deserved it 3 041

Zedonging intensifies

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 23:00

Today, I went downstairs to complain to my landlady that there was no water when I was trying to wash my hair. To which she replied, "No, of course there is water, it's just all going into my swimming pool." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 23:31 - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 598

You deserved it 4 131

By ohno. - 19/08/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 368

You deserved it 5 665

By Ouchmybum - 03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 505

You deserved it 217

In the way

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 05:00 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today, I was on a camping trip, just about to pitch my tent, when the fire brigade showed up. No, I did not set anything ablaze. This nice, quiet little meadow I picked to spend the night? It’s their habitual training ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 166

By bakergirl - 16/11/2009 10:40 - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 950

You deserved it 3 965

By Purple-jacket - 10/04/2019 04:00

Today, I graduated with a CS degree and a certification in networking, only to make $12/hr. Guess some trade jobs are worthless now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 315

By Sad elf - 15/12/2016 13:42 - Australia - Brookfield

Today, after weeks of tirelessly organising a Secret Santa with work colleagues, we finally exchanged gifts. I got a stapler, which had been stolen from my desk the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 836

You deserved it 647

Metal

By TiredBird - 05/09/2021 17:01

Today, I'm exhausted. My neighbours across the street had an argument about loud metal music. After a threat of, "Turn the heavy metal off or I’ll burn your house down," the music changed to Katy Perry’s "Firebird". For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 138

By GopherJR - 19/01/2009 01:07 - Canada

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 783

You deserved it 2 395

Different together

By jessie - 15/05/2021 04:00

Today, my mom walked in on me shaving the tops of my legs. She called me a freak, since apparently women aren’t even supposed to grow hair there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 47

By "jjuuuuuuulless" - 17/12/2018 17:30

Today, my car's parking gear and parking brake failed. I watched as it rolled down a big hill into someone's 2017, $30,000 camper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 215

You deserved it 288

By Heyhey - 08/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 409

You deserved it 4 738

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 23/02/2020 01:00

Today, after suffering with anxiety and insomnia for a nearly a year and exhausting every natural remedy I could think of, I finally went to go to a doctor for help. Instead of writing me a prescription, he told me to drink more tea and think happy thoughts. I had to pay out of pocket for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 969

You deserved it 212

By deeenalynn - 18/07/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 796

You deserved it 4 256

By buccaneer - 23/10/2012 16:26 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 814

You deserved it 3 534

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 06:58 - Canada

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 856

You deserved it 5 921

By Anon - 08/11/2010 18:34 - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 959

You deserved it 4 168

By kittenfish8903 - 06/10/2014 19:46 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 257

You deserved it 4 659

Hammertime

By lynn_27 - 02/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 286

By Farah - 26/09/2016 14:42 - Bangladesh

Today, I e-mailed an employer to ask about a job I had applied for earlier. The employer in question was on vacation. The person who replied had the position which I had applied for mentioned in their signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 799

You deserved it 775

By InsomniacToBe - 19/07/2012 15:55 - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 915

You deserved it 3 852

By SadFace - 12/09/2013 12:39 - Australia - Newmarket

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 726

You deserved it 3 844

By ForeverAlone - 03/02/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 763

You deserved it 354

By G. Briones - 23/11/2011 19:14

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 790

You deserved it 6 979

By Sophies - 26/12/2013 00:45 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 598

You deserved it 3 123

By Dumped - 22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 014

You deserved it 11 635

By SoggyPancakes - 11/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 737

You deserved it 71 633

By Johnny - 19/12/2012 23:33 - United States - Memphis

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 366

You deserved it 8 683

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 120

You deserved it 4 365

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 16:04 - United States

Today, I had to spend all of my money on textbooks even though my refrigerator is empty. Starving and frustrated, I called home to ask for money for groceries. My mom told me I could afford to skip a few meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 483

You deserved it 5 903

By nosleep - 05/02/2011 00:05 - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 112

You deserved it 6 951

By Anonymous - 28/08/2012 04:29 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 743

You deserved it 6 512

Overkill or fair?

By Pineapple does go on pizza - 24/08/2018 01:30

Today, I thought my boyfriend was kidding when he said he'd dump me if I actually ate pineapple on pizza. I ordered it. I ate it. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 108

You deserved it 1 141

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 00:09 - Sweden

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 994

You deserved it 15 189

By Scabs - 09/08/2010 16:54 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 730

You deserved it 2 617

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Top comments

DanielleinDC 32

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Monday 17 April 2017 4:11

You should have. But damn, that's a terrible way to find out your boyfriend is cheating on you.

amazed_71 14

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2017 3:01

I'd have darn sure told her! Her son is acting like the slut she was accusing you of being.

Comments

amazed_71 14

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2017 3:01

I'd have darn sure told her! Her son is acting like the slut she was accusing you of being.

DanielleinDC 32

Send a private message

Monday 17 April 2017 4:11

You should have. But damn, that's a terrible way to find out your boyfriend is cheating on you.

123Puppy 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 July 2020 17:04

You should’ve told her. I’m sorry to hear that OP. :(

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 26

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 69