Work: Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in... - FML

By mags89 - 25/02/2015 14:18 - United States

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 374

You deserved it 3 613

mags89 tells us more.

mags89 10

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Thursday 26 February 2015 0:46

He's divorced and has three kids. All grown. He set it that way himself. He was a pretty good sport though and everyone laughed about it.

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Red flag

Wrong place, wrong time

By blinded - 11/02/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I went to get a facial. I forgot my contact case so I put them into paper cup. My beautician thought it was leftover water from someone else, and threw my only pair of vision aid away. I scuttled home half blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 147

You deserved it 26 758

By highschoolsucks - 05/10/2012 02:44 - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 387

You deserved it 6 523

By okaydisarray - 22/03/2016 20:23 - United States - Dayton

Today, I received a letter from an eBay seller for whom I recently left an honest, negative review. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly wasn't ready for what spilled out coating my jeans, shoes, and brand new carpet: Glitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 534

You deserved it 3 149

By bodyelectric - 13/04/2009 12:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 516

You deserved it 9 710

It's a wrap

By victoria - 04/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had a school band concert in which I was doing a clarinet solo. I had a Laffy Taffy before the concert. Little did I know part of the wrapper got stuck in my hair. I went through the whole concert like that and I was so embarrassed when I found out afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 230

By Unwanted - 02/08/2012 06:50 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss turned to everyone and said, "Allow me to escort this trash out of the office." Everyone cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 103

You deserved it 34 726

By Anonymous - 24/05/2014 19:31 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. We're very close, and I called my boyfriend, really needing some support. I'd barely told him what had happened, when he replied, "Babe, I'm in the middle of a game here. Call me later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 221

You deserved it 6 598

By t2t2sync - 03/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, while leaving work, I noticed a woman struggling with her wheelchair. Trying to be kind, I grabbed the handles and began to push her. A few moments later, the front wheels caught on something and I ended up dumping her onto the ground. Now my coworkers all think I'm a huge douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 479

You deserved it 5 684

A tale as old as time

By I'm_Not_Interested - 06/07/2015 05:30 - United States - Reno

Spicy

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 2 874

By KittyNeko - 28/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 007

You deserved it 3 175

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 04:12 - Canada - Kingston

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 904

You deserved it 4 717

By purplexangel - 02/08/2012 17:32 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 854

You deserved it 22 457

By ambulancedriver - 12/09/2009 18:35 - Poland

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 331

You deserved it 5 450

The Nerve!

By Mike - 17/09/2019 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 20:09 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 337

You deserved it 5 043

By Drafrica - 13/10/2014 10:20 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 624

You deserved it 5 764

9 to 5, what a way to not make a living

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 18:01 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I excitedly went to check this week's paycheck, only to see that I only received $9.00. This isn't a mistake, this is really what I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 145

By gir - 14/07/2011 19:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 549

You deserved it 97 188

By anonymous - 24/02/2015 11:50 - United Kingdom - Lancaster

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 890

You deserved it 3 974

By itsjustwill - 17/01/2013 00:35 - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 040

You deserved it 2 142

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 24/06/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 2 131

By Thay - 01/09/2016 22:28 - United States

Today, I logged onto Tinder to see if I had any messages. I had one: "Get off Tinder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 858

You deserved it 1 655

By AnonymousAndSad - 24/04/2014 23:42 - United States - Waukon

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 686

You deserved it 7 826

By lifeofamusicteacher - 08/12/2016 01:22 - Hong Kong

Today, I got yelled at by parents of one of my students because their child didn't perform well at their Winter Concert. These are the same parents who told me months ago that I needed to be more lenient by allowing their kids to skip rehearsals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 131

You deserved it 566

By ouch - 20/12/2013 04:41 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 665

You deserved it 4 240

Cling Alert

By miabun - 14/02/2017 06:02 - United States - Breinigsville

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 781

You deserved it 879

By ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall - 10/03/2013 18:50 - Cyprus - Strovolos

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 626

You deserved it 4 847

By bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 610

You deserved it 46 152

By SmileEveryday - 17/03/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 936

You deserved it 20 365

By Sarah - 10/03/2009 17:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 826

You deserved it 29 800

By tattooapprentice - 01/12/2018 17:30

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 417

By flexibleflatulance - 05/09/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 948

You deserved it 49 624

By Yulia - 09/03/2009 10:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 011

You deserved it 5 190

By GLX - 14/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 676

You deserved it 251

Marriage story

By collegekid - 17/05/2020 14:00

Today, after 25 years of marriage, my parents decided to get a very nasty and extremely expensive divorce. Using my college tuition to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 147

By boo - 16/02/2010 20:46 - United States

Today, I learned the reason they say don't keep your phone in high humidity places. I left my phone on the counter when I went to take a shower. It now won't turn on due to water damage and the warranty doesn't cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 207

You deserved it 36 123

By Confuseddad - 16/02/2016 22:17 - United Kingdom

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 483

You deserved it 1 611

GERD Gang!

By Lucyferia Michelle - 09/04/2021 11:00

Today, I learned that I have multiple gallstones, even though the lab report said I only had one. However, the pain is both in my left side and right side, as well as around my navel. I also have Chronic GERD and IBS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 57

By Username - 20/07/2010 04:57 - France

Today, I had the rehearsal for two of my friends' wedding. My ex-husband is also in the wedding, and I just found out we have to walk down the aisle together 'for height reasons'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 706

You deserved it 3 857

By graciegold95 - 06/12/2014 16:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter decided it'd be funny to change the time on my clock. My boss didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 2 926

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Top comments

Fwibblwfwabble 11

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:49

Does he like when it calls him big poppa?

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:53

Kinky Siri.

Comments

Fwibblwfwabble 11

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:49

Does he like when it calls him big poppa?

KingBobtheThird 16

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 19:34

Nice reference ?

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 19:56

do you make your "Daddy" talk?

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 20:35

Throw your hands in the air, if you'se a true player.

Miss_Chevious 37

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Thursday 26 February 2015 5:13

the boss' version "Today I used Siri in a business meeting. too bad I realized I had made it call me 'Daddy' only until after it spoke up in front of my team... Fml"

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:49

That's hot

JohnTheDonJuan 11

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Thursday 26 February 2015 8:09

Paris Hilton? is that you?

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 26 February 2015 2:58

Should HAVE. Siriously (...I'm sorry), when did everybody start making that mistake?

Aspen_Grace33 27

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:52

Some people have quite the strange relationship with Siri I've noticed!!

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:54

There's nothing strange about it. She's the only woman who will talk to me. You love me don't you, Siri?

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 February 2015 19:10

"Yes, Rock God!"

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 22:10

I try to have a 'strange relationship' with Siri, but he (I changed the voice to a man's voice) never allows it. It is always: "I don't know you that well" and "you're crossing a line, don't make me get a restraining order". Like Siri can do any better, he doesn't even have any hands.

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Friday 27 February 2015 9:37

That's because he is... Hands-free!

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:53

At Papi

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:55

Ay papi

_parth 20

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 19:52

This made me laugh because of down vote on both comments ??

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Thursday 26 February 2015 1:31

Wow #37 rude as much

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:53

Kinky Siri.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 19:01

Kinky+Siri for life

cmac86 23

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Thursday 26 February 2015 11:42

At least it didn't ask him to spank the phone.

hazardoussmiles9 22

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:53

FYL? More like Fuck His Life. That must've been embarrassing.

Calingaladha 21

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 21:54

He deserved it, because Siri will only call you what you tell her to call you.

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Thursday 26 February 2015 6:39

The man knows what he wants. That's why he's the boss. ...The fact that what he wants is a kinky phone, is a whole 'nother matter..

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:54

Well now the situation just got Sirious.

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Thursday 26 February 2015 6:40

Time to put him out of his mi-Siri.

Hollywoodgirl79 18

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:54

More like F his life. That has to be extremely awkward for both you and your boss...

Mitchellbassists 29

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 18:56

How did the team react? Was it laughter or shock?

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 44

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 161

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 1 289