Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RarityRoyale 17
At least numbnuts is a pretty tame insult compared to some of the things she could be calling you...
PantyGAMES 10
I'm actually somewhat disappointed that this just ended with numbnuts. Your wife needs to work on her insults.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (37)
EvilLittleMan 23
I am sorry OP but that's funny as shit !!! I guess the only way it could get worse is if your daughter hands you two frozen kiwi fruits after she calls you numb nuts.
worldclassrager 41
Better than some other names...she'll quit eventually...it's just a new word she learned...
sugarmommy 4
the same thing happened to me when my partner and I were arguing and my son walked in on me calling him something unpleasant. my then went around saying "daddy dickface".... after that.
jonnyb_118 6
lol too funny!!
Beepbeep7 14
Wait for it,wait for it..Numbnuts? Wtf I am disappointed in this fml.
heliophobia 13
Your kid could have overheard worse but you need to talk with your wife about how you argue. Kids at one point need to understand all parents have arguements and disagreements; but you and your wife need to set an example for her. Kids are so impressionable, small behaviors they pick up may stick for a long time. I'm not saying your kid will always call people "numbnuts" forever; but, she may think when someone doesn't agree with her, resorting to namecalling is acceptable.
martin8337 36
The apple (or nut) doesn't fall far from the tree.
JFunk4Real 12
You get to hear that now, and again when she is a teenager.
happyfingers 15
When we were babysitting my nephew once when he was just learning to talk he got frustrated with his "fit the block in the right shape" thing and starting repeatedly saying "**** it, **** it, **** it, **** it, **** it" as he hit the blocks against it. We were mortified but it was hilarious. You could always try teaching her some other word and "pretend" it's a bad word. That way maybe she'll think its just as funny as the actual bad word?
bobak_can_ani 7
I bet your wife smirks everytime your daughter says that