Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he's out eating and chilling with his friends. FML
Today, I found out that explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the altar, while my husband said his vows. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
So? He can still play in the mud.
allmidnighteyes 11
I think the diarrhea addition was a clever ploy to detract our attention away from what they did to their children in order to get that away time. I'm onto you, OP. ಠ_ಠ
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Comments (118)
Agrajagged 3
Sounds like more fun to me!
dspadres 0
Does your mouth still work?
lickmyjock 0
Wooooow to this whole fml and all the comments
borabora1991 0
I had diarrhea once.
disney_blonde 16
So take some Imodium. Problem solved.
crash52181 0
Well, looks like you're gonna have to just give him a nice, long, ******* while you're on the shitter! Haha!
elparto 0
what is this? Oregon trail? you got dysentery? it's the 21st century! not only is there immodium ad, there's an ADVANCED version too.
nogoodnelly 0
Who the **** cares? Take some pepto and get dressed.
Kalofinator 0
DUDE. TMI.
retard32145 0
go to urban dictionary; look up DIRTBIKE; and then have fun!!!
annabelle2213 0
That is disgusting!