Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he's out eating and chilling with his friends. FML
Today, I found out that explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the altar, while my husband said his vows. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
So? He can still play in the mud.
allmidnighteyes 11
I think the diarrhea addition was a clever ploy to detract our attention away from what they did to their children in order to get that away time. I'm onto you, OP. ಠ_ಠ
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Comments (118)
syrup21 0
I wouldn't want to f*** that in the butthole lol
theeBeezWaXx 0
haha eww that sucks ass
valuemeal2 1
So take some Immodium. Duh.
Puroboriqua13 0
Either use the other hole, or imagine its extra lube.
shortmomma88 0
drink some pepto and ride that cowboy!
Wersome 13
Murpheys Law.
I_Own_Ubers 0
just **** him on the toilet with a peg on ur nose and an air freshener if desperate
COBRAMORPH 0
natural lub.
danniexo 0
hun you deserve someone who doesnt care what you are, love should not be defined by that, it sucks to say it but if he loved you he would marry you wether his parents aproved or not and love would definatly not marry someone else and use u like that. sorry he is such an ass all the best love
loveyahun 0
Lmao