Calculating Tax and Tip By FML Approved - 11/10/2017 03:00 Math is hard. I agree, your life sucks 496 You deserved it 134 Share Tweet Share
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 58 074 You deserved it 3 951
Today, after years of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took my seat only to find a baby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me. All of whom decided to cry in unison. It was a 9-hour flight. FML I agree, your life sucks 52 609 You deserved it 4 244
Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML I agree, your life sucks 985 You deserved it 161
Today, I accidentally edged over the speed limit and got pulled over. The officer asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over. Before I could say something diplomatic, my dad said from the passenger seat, "Because you're a prick in fancy dress?" I got ticketed. FML I agree, your life sucks 24 149 You deserved it 2 241
Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML I agree, your life sucks 33 123 You deserved it 2 787
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started unrolling the toilet paper, the whole roll fell off the handle and rolled out underneath the cubicle door. I heard somebody laugh at me. Nobody helped. FML I agree, your life sucks 31 328 You deserved it 2 751
Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML I agree, your life sucks 44 468 You deserved it 8 379
Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML I agree, your life sucks 56 134 You deserved it 9 845
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