Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I... - FML

By SpeakerPhone - 14/11/2009 17:31 - France

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

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Inspirational tale

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

Buzzing the tower

By black_pheonix77 - 3/7/2020 02:02

Hi, how are you?

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I was cheering up the girl I've been in love with for years. She was having one of those, "I'm ugly, no one wants to be with me" days. To cheer herself up, she said to me, "If you were a hot guy, you'd date me, right?" FML

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By Jimii Liu - 11/3/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

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By NotMacklemore - 13/2/2015 04:59 - Australia - Heidelberg

Today, I went to a thrift store and found heaps of clothes that I loved that fit me perfectly. Then I found a special distinctive dress. My dress. My dad had thrown away heaps of my clothes and I had to buy them all back. FML

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By ???? - 25/1/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

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By abnormallyadam - 9/2/2016 13:08 - Australia - Footscray

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

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By bdjsbskl - 7/10/2011 05:55 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

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By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Messed up

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2014 02:48 - United States - Fresno

Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

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By Jack.mercado - 19/3/2016 16:58 - United States

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

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By onemoreruinedthing - 24/1/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

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By sad drummer - 17/1/2013 20:50 - United States - La Jolla

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

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By B - 18/12/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

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By GrinningCynic - 14/5/2012 17:55 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was told I need two root canals. This is because my previous dentist did such a bad job on one of my teeth that the decay went through and transferred to its neighbor. FML

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By haphazard2007 - 2/1/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML

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By JustADream - 24/2/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom and took a massive piss. Then I actually woke up, well and truly soaked. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2013 19:37 - Brazil - Campinas

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2015 04:23 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 21:40 - United States - De Forest

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2016 02:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

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By myfavoritesgouda - 24/6/2013 05:20 - United States - Manhasset

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

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By ac13 - 27/6/2010 18:03 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

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By Stoopid - 7/7/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

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By Just Awkward - 21/4/2017 02:00

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 23:25 - United States

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

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By failing - 16/10/2015 16:40 - United States - Greenbelt

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

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By anashaalmajiid - 5/3/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

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By Christmas sucks - 24/12/2012 01:03 - United States - Boston

Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML

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By Sirah90 - 7/5/2013 07:29 - United States

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

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By Cougar - 24/7/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I was at work when my mother called. She gave me great news that she had finally cleaned out my room and all those "old and useless" books that I had in there. Those "useless" books that she had just trashed were all antiques and worth about $500 each. There were 27 books in there. FML

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By LZapped - 8/6/2015 13:35 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2011 23:35 - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

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By Lara - 3/8/2012 11:28 - Italy - Empoli

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

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By ositsranielle - 13/2/2010 17:32 - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

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By Nola - 13/9/2018 22:00

Today, my fiancé got his associate degree in the mail. Wanting to surprise him when he got home, I opened it to display it before going out to buy groceries. His dog got a hold of his degree and shredded it to pieces. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

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By SwaggyP - 9/5/2019 16:00

Today, we got the IQ test results back, which show our daughter is on the high end of the genius scale. This confirms what my wife and I have long feared: our 6-year-old is FAR smarter than we are. No wonder she wins all the arguments we have. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

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By Googleit - 29/6/2011 16:44 - Canada

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

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By disheshateme - 18/11/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

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Top comments

By TheNeonDuckie | 0

#3380422 - Monday 3 October 2011 4:43

Does that stand for " You Totally Fucking Deserved It Mate"?

By Flamersplamer | 0

#671550 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:04

haha YTFDIM for leaving speakerphone on.

COMMENTS

By Flamersplamer | 0

#671550 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:04

haha YTFDIM for leaving speakerphone on.

Reply

TheNeonDuckie | 0

#3380422 - Monday 3 October 2011 4:43

Does that stand for " You Totally Fucking Deserved It Mate"?

By katgurl | 13

#671551 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:04

Sounds fun. Good to always let everyone know about your personal business.

By sweetspicegirl | 0

#671568 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:13

haha sucker :p yes and 3rd is the highest ive gotten :)

By Erindub | 0

#671571 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:14

Speaker phones gitten me in trouble big time before. Sorry bout that though. Next time pick up the receiver dude.

Reply

Starchild21 | 3

#671575 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:16

Completely agreed. OP must be pretty stuck up if they can't take care of themselves and rely on others to do simple things.

_______________________________
www.myspace.com/rapid99

Reply

spiderman0606 | 0

#671738 - Saturday 14 November 2009 22:25

Maybe she really just can't reach it. And why would you care so much about one ingrown hair? Unless it's like on your head and three centimetres long.

By mohamedrocks | 0

#671591 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:24

You deserve it for having a secretary

By liveBabylon | 0

#671597 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:29

Ewww your icky.

By coolsteve | 0

#671598 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:30

An big meeting?
It's "a big meeting"

Reply

Pmm368 | 5

#671686 - Saturday 14 November 2009 21:31

the OP said "IN a big meeting" NOT "AN big meeting"

Reply

Vanni | 0

#671718 - Saturday 14 November 2009 22:04

Sorry, I fixed it. It did say "in an meeting".

By sincerelyautumn | 0

#671616 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:38

What's with all the ingrown hair FML posts? Everyone turning into werewolves?? haha.

By picturetaker | 0

#671626 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:44

how didn't you realize it was on speakerphone? that's stupid.

By perdix | 29

#671631 - Saturday 14 November 2009 20:46

That darn ingrown hair screwed up a your date, now it's messing with your work!

Witchcraft and I have a friendly debate going on whether it is an advantage to have that thing close to Uranus.