By clodius - 20/11/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - Airdrie

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks 65 220
You deserved it 23 284

clodius_fml tells us more.

Hi, OP here. I genuinely didn't think this would be published but here we go. Yes on that night I was extremely drunk and she was drinking heavily too, and I mean heavily. I didn't notice the huge bump because 1) I was shitfaced 2) She hid it extremely well. Anyway after talking to a few people it seems that this woman has been going around for the past 7 months sleeping with people and saying they are the dad. I have nothing wrong with people having sex when they aren't in a relationship but don't try and pin point your baby's dad on some bloke. It is wrong on so many levels.

Top comments

boy..i feel sorry for the child she has if she got shit faced while with child..

If she had been drinking heavily, I feel bad for that baby. Fetal alcohol syndrome is serious, not to mention she's probably been shitfaced every other time she's slept around and tried to pull that trick. :/


CheeseTron 15

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Really? Where do you live? I hear it all the time.

CheeseTron 15

CA. I guess the context of it just makes it sound a little weird to me lol.

Rainhawk94 27

Pack the bags we're going to cali

Weird. I live in Wisconsin, so maybe people just use it up north a lot more often or something.

Wouldn't you be able to tell if the person was heavily pregnant?

RedPillSucks 31

He was drunk. Apparently he didn't look past the big ****

babygirl4855 11

I'm from Ca also and I've never heard it.

Do Californians usually say "visibly pregnant" as opposed to "heavily pregnant"? I've always heard "heavily pregnant" more often in the south.

I would just like to say on behalf of my fellow californians, that I have heard "heavily pregnant" used to describe a woman before. I don't think its necessarily a northern or southern thing.

shyeahh_fml 19

In support of 42, I'm also from California and the term isn't necessarily uncommon. California does have a big mixture of cultures though so it may be a cultural thing possibly. But now that I've typed that out it seems even more unlikely... Hmm.

sosoram 23

we usually say further along, big as fk, about to pop. etc.

I'm from Southern CA and I hear it often enough to know what it means.

I'm from New Jersey and I have never heard 'heavily pregnant' before either.

OP is from the UK, like myself, and this is a commonly used term over here.

I've never heard "heavily pregnant" either. It sounds... odd. I usually hear "very pregnant."

I'm a Texan and I've never heard "heavily pregnant" just "visibly pregnant".

Might as well add my two cents, Aus here and heavily pregnant is the common term. Don't often hear very pregnant.

Well I've never heard it exactly that way and I'm from

Man Doc, you must be feeling like super troll today.

Well here in the UK you would say heavily pregnant too. I consider that the norm.

Well, gee. I wonder how all these diseases keep spreading? I'm sorry, but I am sick of hearing ignorant ass things like stop the **** shaming. There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex. Sleeping with people you met that day... People you DON'T KNOW?!? Ya know what? Never mind. You go right on ahead. Trust that thin piece of latex to guard your life. I sure as hell won't be teaching my children that sort of behavior is in any way acceptable. I do believe live and let live, but on a site or any situation where people make their personal business known it is not my job or anyone else's to validate that type of behavior. And let me be clear, that goes for men AND women.

for some reason it posted on the wrong comment.

43, I 100% agree with you. I think the term "**** shaming" was most likely invented by someone who had a lot of unsafe sex and got ridiculed for it. So now every one who has unsafe sex uses that as there go to response for any negativity they get about it.

I never heard this expression either I live in NJ btw

jazzy_123 20

I'm from Cali and never heard that one either. Some people will sat "woah she's ready to pop!" but I don't know what you guys think of that term lol

skyttlz 32

I hear "ready to pop" a lot. Usually people just kinda stick their arms out with their hands touching as a visual example of "heavily pregnant." Washingtonian by the way.

I am from Minnesota and we say very pregant, or sporting a watermellon atound the waist

incoherentrmblr 21

Things that make you go, "buhhhh..."

MEM0817 18

I think we all held our breath for a moment. Until we finished (reading) your sentence that you didn't.

MEM0817 18

Annnd big fail. My comment was for DocBastard.

nikkon416 13

Maybe you have discovered time travel

He should go back to 2003 and use those Mcdonalds coupons.

Well, his ship was traveling inside a worm-hole.

She's not the brightest crayon in the box is she?

RedPillSucks 31

She was probably testing to see whether he was. I'm sure she knew he wasn't the father, but horny guys can be convinced of much.

gingaa96 18

Nor the sharpest tool in the shed..

In reply to #105- she might be the hoe though.

Llama_Face89 33

32- while I'm sure she knew he wasn't she also seemed to think she could convince him he either passed out for several months or that she jumped straight to the third trimester overnight... Nobody with a modicum of intelligence would believe that OR try to convince someone of it.

Trix_Disorder 20

"Turned out to be heavily pregnant"? As if it weren't obvious when you were drunk? Damn-good beer goggles you got there, hah.

kayteakay 26
Trix_Disorder 20

Hm, that is a possibility. Good point.

That's what Earl thought with Joy in My Name is Earl. Maybe this girl is doing the same thing Joy was. Trying to find a baby daddy.

TheElBurrrito 21

Oopsie... Nothing is obvious when YOU'RE drunk. Those contractions get me every time but I wanted to get it corrected for all you OCD grammer nazis

#25, that's exactly what that girl is trying to do except this guy is obviously not as stupid as Earl.

Dang, Rip van Winkle, you sleep through everything!

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It's called Paternity Fraud. Yes, I can blame her. OP should convince her to go on Maury.

Oh geez. I was afraid the vast majority of FML commenter would be too moronic to realize that was a joke. *sigh* Obviously you can blame her for trying, if only because Forest Gump wouldn't even fall for that. I doubt she was serious. Probably pulling his leg as a joke.

No, we realized the joke. It just wasn't funny.

Perhaps you did, but I think it was lost on our dear Bill Murray, what with being ready to file a paternity fraud charge.

jazzy_123 20

nobody likes you 7. You basically insulted everyone. That's not very nice. Instead of being mean just accept the fact that you're not funny.

Hey, speak for yourself. I like #7. And guess what, I thought it was funny too. It's called sarcasm. Try to get with the program. On a side note: freaking noobies thinking they know everything.

Given the thumbs down you also received, 164, it seems that no one likes you either. Join the club! We have cookies and punch with chunks of pineapple in it!

Megan639 16

Wow, some of you people are heartless.

bfsd42 20

Did you wake up with a foot long beard?

Broscope 8

Kind if more of an f#@k her life situation than yours. But still, that's hilarious

Oh no, shes had enough from other guys. This chick is pregnant and trying to peg any dude she sleeps with as the daddy so she can get more child support. Why on earth would it be more of an FML for her? in the timeless words of children: "She started it!"

jazzy_123 20

why would it be an FML on her? she's already "heavily pregnant" and she's still sleeping around!

Did you freak out and shout "What year is it?"