Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate...

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

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Work

Dangling modifier

And probably giggling

I CAN HEAR YOU

By poor girl - 27/6/2020 05:03

Chill out, Mom

Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

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By ColoredPencil13 - United States - Baytown

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

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By mama’s boy

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

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By lolfayce - United States

Today, I was at the costume rental shop I work at, when I saw a kid trying to walk out the door wearing what appeared to be one of our fake monster claws, so I chased him down and grabbed it. It wasn't. It was his prosthetic hand. FML

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By justgreatgirl - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

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By JMcKay - Australia

Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML

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By Anonymous

Et tu, Brute?

Today, I applied for a new job as a maintenance technician. About 10 minutes after submitting my resume, I received a rejection letter. My girlfriend is their HR person. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 05:03

That he's a dumbass?

Today, I was told by my boyfriend of 12 years that he wants to break up. He wants to be free to follow his "MGTOW beliefs." I had to look up what it meant. What am I supposed to tell our 2 little boys? FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

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By butnotlikethat - China - Nanchang

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

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By mylifesucks123 - United States

Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. When I was approaching a stop sign, I look next to me and see a guy with a triangle shaped head. I tell my son "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

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By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

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By Username - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

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By depressed - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

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By Unlucky - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

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By idiot - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML

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By archer - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

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By stardustveins - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

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By fmlsomuch - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

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By lopsided - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

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By violated ._. - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

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By awesomekidsmum - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

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By melas303 - United States

Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband's ex-girlfriend is getting a restraining order on him. Turns out, for the past 2 years of our marriage, he has been trying to contact her and ditching work to stalk her. To top it all off, he told me not to come to court with him because he doesn't want her to see he downgraded. FML

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By i love stupid people

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

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By Festivaler - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

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By Rick - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

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By LifeSucks

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cincinnati

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

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By Jelly_Hell

Today, I almost got hit by a car because the kid in the back who was wearing headphones was paying more attention to the road than the driver. He only just stopped her. FML

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By okay17 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

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By #201 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

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By Chasity - United States

Today, I logged onto a website that offered free tutoring. After chatting with the online tutor, he started flirting with me. I was just looking for some help with my homework, not a creeper. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2020 23:00

Zedonging intensifies

Today, I went downstairs to complain to my landlady that there was no water when I was trying to wash my hair. To which she replied, "No, of course there is water, it's just all going into my swimming pool." FML

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Top comments

By collegedream121 | 8

#5970563 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

I think you took fashionably late too far...

By wastedpenguin | 14

#5970562 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

That sucks. be sure to check your calender next time op

COMMENTS

By koolkanga | 12

#5970561 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:51

Maybe he had a different party the day before...?

Bloink | 25

#5970607 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:08

lindsey stirling!!!!

StillUsesMyspace | 22

#5970608 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:09

Or maybe a wrong date on purpose kind of thing?

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5970640 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:30

More like Lindsay Lohan...

thatguynamedsky | 32

#5970731 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 9:00

how many steps were you dropped down?

lonewolf621 | 17

#5971515 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 23:46

Not that much of an FML.

By wastedpenguin | 14

#5970562 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

That sucks. be sure to check your calender next time op

By collegedream121 | 8

#5970563 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

I think you took fashionably late too far...

badluckalex | 23

#5970615 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:14

better late than never!

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5970638 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:28

Liz Taylor is rolling around in her grave...

By greeneyebeauty9 | 28

#5970565 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

Well he obviously wasn't mad you didn't show up. All you did was just miss one hell of a party!

BradTheBrony | 19

#5971343 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 20:58

I don't think that's what OP was worried about.

By FrancesShiver | 20

#5970568 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:53

Well, I bet you looked great!

ladyLALAA | 28

#5970726 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 8:57

OP if you beat yourself over this can you film it repeating "stop hitting yourself" and share said video?

By abattior | 18

#5970573 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:54

don't worry OP there will be more parties in the future!

J215B | 33

#5970602 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:03

That's like telling someone there are plenty of fish in the sea. Doesn't change the fact they missed the party they were looking forward to.

abattior | 18

#5970659 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:44

so she should beat her self for one party?

By magickitten | 26

#5970576 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:55

Unlucky!

meganlovestea | 15

#5970736 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 9:02

Really?

magickitten | 26

#5970947 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 15:23

Yes, really. You could say that mixing up your dates therefore missing a great party is unlucky.

By Liamj774 | 36

#5970591 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:58

Well you could say you showed up fashionably late

By Whatapuffchild | 23

#5970622 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:16

at least you looked real good that day

By auro7 | 18

#5970637 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:27

I swear I read an FML pretty similar to this in the random section a while back.

why_teh_hell | 25

#5970645 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:34

There is. I saw it in random the other day. This is exactly the same, just re-worded...Can't stand this.