Work: Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate...

By Anonymous - 09/06/2014 21:20 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 664

You deserved it 10 850

Work

Triage

Mama's boy

Pirate Jim

Fetch!

By Anonymous - 07/04/2020 17:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were throwing a toy for his dog. He threw it, and I turned my head in that direction, looking for almost a minute before realizing he didn't actually throw it. He's still amused because, "even the dog was smart enough not to fall for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 775

By ameliaruth09 - 22/01/2015 22:36 - United States - Milford

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 826

You deserved it 5 092

By FamilyLoving - 19/08/2013 16:00 - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 030

You deserved it 3 803

By Target - 12/02/2013 01:42 - United States

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 930

You deserved it 2 788

By me - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 979

You deserved it 35 294

By nobar - 04/06/2019 06:00

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 649

Wifey

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 02:55 - United States - Covington

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 870

You deserved it 2 512

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 16:50 - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 162

You deserved it 6 913

By Musicfreak - 18/12/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 593

You deserved it 30 704

Age ain't nothing but a number

By Anonymous - 19/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was asked for ID to purchase decorative scissors. I was buying them to make my wedding decorations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 161

By eminem blows cock - 15/06/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 213

You deserved it 9 717

By MissIsabel - 03/11/2010 10:43 - France

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 073

You deserved it 12 428

By mn051299 - 10/02/2016 09:09 - Switzerland - Richterswil

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 310

You deserved it 3 729

By Jess - 20/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 465

By Anonymous - 30/06/2016 14:14 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I am one year away from getting a university degree. Unfortunately, my parents just kicked me out because I wouldn't drop out and work for free at our family's gas station. I'm now broke, homeless and have no way to pay for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 215

You deserved it 1 364

By StijnDescamps - 13/08/2019 16:00

Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 1 895

By goestoschoolonsnowdays - 12/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 639

You deserved it 3 133

By Slaanesh - 12/12/2008 12:08 - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 019

You deserved it 38 862

By Anonymous - 04/10/2015 14:20 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 196

You deserved it 2 402

By lurna301 - 17/07/2012 00:58 - United States - Glendale

Today, my boyfriend's mother introduced me as his "friend". We've been together for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 662

You deserved it 3 250

By Anonymous - 27/09/2013 20:33 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 856

You deserved it 4 545

By KathleenSchuler - 05/03/2013 03:38 - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 085

You deserved it 3 572

By nobabies - 10/12/2017 01:30

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 190

You deserved it 454

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 02:58 - Philippines - Roxas

Today, after studying for an exam, I decided to take a short nap. Just then, our neighbors, who were a couple, argued like crazy about some dumb thing the guy did. I didn't get to rest at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 92

Reality is weirder than fiction

By Broken Arm - 06/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out that while it is unlikely you'll break your arm by catching it in the door, it is perfectly possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 58

By mean mommy - 16/07/2019 12:30

Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after 2 of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 2 098

Booted

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 07:32 - Australia

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 263

You deserved it 3 354

By supapimpin - 25/09/2012 15:09 - United States

Today, my wife of four years revealed to me that she once had sex with six men at once back in college. Apparently she still fantasizes about it when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 049

You deserved it 3 797

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 486

By Anonymous - 03/08/2015 03:25 - United States - Waterford

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 945

You deserved it 2 228

By embaressed - 20/09/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 382

You deserved it 2 897

Help! I need somebody!

By iappreciatethesentiment - 09/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was at my mom's when I suddenly doubled over in pain. It was so bad that I begging to be taken to the hospital, just when her dog started coughing. She immediately ran to her dog, asked if she was OK, saying that she hates to see anyone she loves in pain. I sat there hunched over in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 68

No kink-shaming

By Cybertronianchic - 05/09/2020 09:58 - United Kindom - Birmingham

Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 557

Nostalgia goggles

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 04:59

Today, I found out my ex broke up with me after 3 years because he's still in love with his ex, who he hasn't spoken to in 6 years. And she dumped him for the same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 124

Stinky neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 22:01

Today, I came home to a terrible smell in the apartment. Three hours, and a scoured kitchen later, I took the trash out. The smell was not my apartment, but from just across the alley: a neighbor had moved and emptied their fridge. Six more days of sunned milk until pickup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 47

What a wuss

By Anonymous - 30/03/2021 08:01

Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 272

Romantic mood

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 180

The one that got away

By Cslouth - 27/10/2012 04:04 - United States - Rochester

Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 824

You deserved it 63 589

By why? - 01/01/2013 05:41 - United States - Hackensack

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 917

You deserved it 2 376

By Lisaa918 - 10/06/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 126

You deserved it 6 162

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

collegedream121 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

I think you took fashionably late too far...

wastedpenguin 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

That sucks. be sure to check your calender next time op

koolkanga 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:51

Maybe he had a different party the day before...?

Bloink 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:08

lindsey stirling!!!!

StillUsesMyspace 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:09

Or maybe a wrong date on purpose kind of thing?

incoherentrmblr 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:30

More like Lindsay Lohan...

thatguynamedsky 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 9:00

how many steps were you dropped down?

lonewolf621 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 23:46

Not that much of an FML.

wastedpenguin 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

That sucks. be sure to check your calender next time op

collegedream121 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

I think you took fashionably late too far...

badluckalex 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:14

better late than never!

incoherentrmblr 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:28

Liz Taylor is rolling around in her grave...

greeneyebeauty9 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:52

Well he obviously wasn't mad you didn't show up. All you did was just miss one hell of a party!

BradTheBrony 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 20:58

I don't think that's what OP was worried about.

FrancesShiver 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:53

Well, I bet you looked great!

ladyLALAA 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 8:57

OP if you beat yourself over this can you film it repeating "stop hitting yourself" and share said video?

abattior 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:54

don't worry OP there will be more parties in the future!

J215B 33

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:03

That's like telling someone there are plenty of fish in the sea. Doesn't change the fact they missed the party they were looking forward to.

abattior 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:44

so she should beat her self for one party?

magickitten 26

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:55

Unlucky!

meganlovestea 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 9:02

Really?

magickitten 26

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 15:23

Yes, really. You could say that mixing up your dates therefore missing a great party is unlucky.

Liamj774 36

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:58

Well you could say you showed up fashionably late

Whatapuffchild 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:16

at least you looked real good that day

auro7 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:27

I swear I read an FML pretty similar to this in the random section a while back.

why_teh_hell 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 June 2014 7:34

There is. I saw it in random the other day. This is exactly the same, just re-worded...Can't stand this.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 10

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 2 136

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 192

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments