Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting...

By izazbouletz

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the nearby marina. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind a lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1810

You deserved it

711

Favorite

Triage

And today, on Dr Phil…

My body, my choice

By Paco4242 - United States

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24813

You deserved it

78080

Favorite

By bad sis sad sis - 24/9/2020 02:01

Snitches get stitches

Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1238

You deserved it

705

Favorite

By FlamedOut

Today, I discovered that my Tinder date is the roommate and best friend of a date from the previous week that went sour. He also hangs out with my former high school flame. What are the chances? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3777

You deserved it

502

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Halifax

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62526

You deserved it

4029

Favorite

By creedonfied - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27218

You deserved it

2954

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, they are pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I am three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38161

You deserved it

3803

Favorite

By Kaylz - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23091

You deserved it

1443

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44867

You deserved it

23078

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a local club with my friends sitting at a table when some guys approached us. One of them started telling me about his recent adventures through Europe and was very interesting. Something warm hit my leg and I realized the guy was urinating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41358

You deserved it

2792

Favorite

By NoTalkAllGame - United States - Horsham

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27839

You deserved it

2910

Favorite

By Mel

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3221

You deserved it

644

Favorite

By unwanted - Canada

Today, I told my mom about how my friend is going to China for a year instead of college. My mom suggested that I could do the same. When I told her that a trip to China is probably more expensive than my college tuition, my mom replied, "Not for a one way ticket". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45009

You deserved it

6538

Favorite

By hinowdie - United States

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24679

You deserved it

1996

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4753

You deserved it

1005

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32866

You deserved it

4341

Favorite

By Stress - United States

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23175

You deserved it

4494

Favorite

By Duellist

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4365

You deserved it

243

Favorite

By sharibaby - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46769

You deserved it

4024

Favorite

By not amused - Ireland - Cork

Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12879

You deserved it

1365

Favorite

By happybidet - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10652

You deserved it

866

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "what birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18321

You deserved it

31090

Favorite

By Jenny - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

115097

You deserved it

8684

Favorite

By Anonymus - Canada - Warkworth

Money first

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1801

You deserved it

303

Favorite

By PulledOver - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10937

You deserved it

54685

Favorite

By nanuka_g - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33405

You deserved it

3464

Favorite

By Schaf_12 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24857

You deserved it

5142

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51202

You deserved it

3836

Favorite

By Megan - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was doing my laundry and I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10726

You deserved it

25904

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1697

You deserved it

133

Favorite

By NotYourLady - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55820

You deserved it

3654

Favorite

By notakeeper - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks

56969

You deserved it

4644

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44528

You deserved it

2674

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41392

You deserved it

22991

Favorite

By Anonymous - Spain

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14508

You deserved it

1765

Favorite

By anaph0re - France

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8659

You deserved it

21448

Favorite

By Shitty Boss Shitty Job - United States - Davenport

Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work only to find out that it was my day off. After finally getting back home and into bed, my boss called, requesting that I come back to work since I was "already up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

51900

You deserved it

6542

Favorite

By mommysgirlapparently - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27661

You deserved it

8026

Favorite

By OhDeary - United States

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41269

You deserved it

9683

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27149

You deserved it

1866

Favorite

By Miserable person

Choosing Beggars

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1661

You deserved it

205

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ahabsfan | 14

#7819003 - Sunday 7 July 2019 22:21

Practise safe sex. Always wear a saddle.

By Lucky O'Guin | 13

#7819011 - Sunday 7 July 2019 22:46

I think he just wanted to share a tinder moment with you.

COMMENTS

By ahabsfan | 14

#7819003 - Sunday 7 July 2019 22:21

Practise safe sex. Always wear a saddle.

By Ellie Mc Ivor | 10

#7819007 - Sunday 7 July 2019 22:39

key word is "tried"

By Lucky O'Guin | 13

#7819011 - Sunday 7 July 2019 22:46

I think he just wanted to share a tinder moment with you.

By Sonotsuave | 33

#7819022 - Monday 8 July 2019 0:11

That’s just a new low I’m sorry

By GamerChickxoxo | 16

#7819027 - Monday 8 July 2019 0:58

Careful now unprotected anal behind a lighthouse could lead to someone getting "shitwrecked" lol

By blueknight1st | 26

#7819031 - Monday 8 July 2019 1:17

You met him on Tinder, what did you expect?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7819033 - Monday 8 July 2019 1:51

If you said no and he persisted, it could immediately become sexual assault if he gets physical/forceful.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7819038 - Monday 8 July 2019 2:12

Why is it other guys think they're entitled to some action the second a woman smiles at them? I'd hate to think what I'd be like if my brain was wired the same way.