Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting... - FML

By izazbouletz - 07/07/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the nearby marina. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind a lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 715

There's no helping some people

This Charming Man

BO Central

By ugly - 31/08/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 6 728

By walkingisfun - 02/07/2017 20:00

Today, the university bike permit that I'd ordered half a year ago finally arrived. Unfortunately, my bike was stolen months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 773

You deserved it 294

By Username - 01/05/2011 08:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriends dog. After several trips around the block and plenty of strange looks I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 429

You deserved it 46 140

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 21:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my car and realised that my CDs were no longer in my glove box. According to the police, the random key code for my car type has been cracked, and thieves can now let themselves in whenever they want. The manufacturer says they can't do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 628

You deserved it 3 164

By twelfinity - 17/07/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 632

You deserved it 5 779

We're up all night to not get some

By Anonymous - 21/03/2020 03:00

Spicy

Today, I must be the only woman on the planet with a boyfriend who turns down sex because he feels like he’s got a headache coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 499

I CAN HEAR YOU

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 14:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 26/11/2012 05:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 249

You deserved it 3 680

By Whybother - 20/09/2016 08:13 - United States - Hilo

Today, I'm jobless and picked up transcription work online. I typed furiously all day. I have made a grand total of $2.06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 554

You deserved it 1 352

By Anonymous - 16/05/2018 15:00

Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 722

You deserved it 482

By DudeManBro69 - 01/05/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 955

You deserved it 3 549

By kindergarten teacher - 23/03/2013 13:25 - United States - Hanford

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 375

You deserved it 3 662

By Anonymous - 04/05/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Uithoorn

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 009

You deserved it 3 553

By sproket - 11/04/2011 23:37

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 089

You deserved it 2 664

By newscorp employee - 12/01/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 314

You deserved it 3 424

Gig economy

By Anonymous - 11/08/2020 08:01

Today, I remembered that I chose my career of the last decade because, unlike my job in the dying newspaper industry, "concerts aren’t going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 148

By ritualdevice - 15/12/2009 08:30 - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 936

You deserved it 2 231

By Rowan Curry - 15/09/2012 15:37 - United States - San Jose

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 642

You deserved it 49 144

By bbb - 11/01/2017 07:36

Today, I wasn't able to reply to Facebook chat message immediately, so my friends planned holiday and bought flights without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 751

You deserved it 858

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 437

You deserved it 8 776

By darquedraconian - 12/05/2014 02:27 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 845

You deserved it 6 296

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend saw me without make-up for the first time we've been dating for two years. He freaked because he didn't know who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 2 555

By u.p.i.c. - 02/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 533

By W1D0 - 20/08/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 993

You deserved it 5 014

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 516

You deserved it 7 486

By davy0540 - 30/11/2014 06:09 - United States

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 967

You deserved it 9 792

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 09:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 081

You deserved it 4 630

By swimfaned - 09/01/2015 11:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 140

You deserved it 2 687

By Burntintomyretinas - 19/09/2012 04:40 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 769

You deserved it 3 581

By Iknoweverything - 22/12/2012 08:06 - United States - Mankato

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 657

You deserved it 3 193

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 532

You deserved it 19 793

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 529

You deserved it 9 100

By my kids smell bad - 25/06/2019 06:48

Today, I got into a screaming match with the mother of my kids. I told her they need to bathe more often. According to her, anything more than once a week is excessive and bad for their skin. My kids play sports and smell like puppies from the pound. She doesn’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 183

By ev_lyn_aw - 17/05/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 805

You deserved it 266

Well?

By Johntheladdo - 29/03/2011 17:26 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 185

You deserved it 10 464

By Unlucky - 24/05/2010 00:22 - Australia

Today, I have both a cold and a period. Tomorrow, I will have a cold, my period and my wisdom teeth taken out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 393

You deserved it 3 785

By UnwantedDaughter - 08/01/2019 20:00

Today, it's my birthday. My father didn't get me a birthday present or do anything for me, and acted as though he only came to visit because it was expected. Yet when it was his birthday a couple months ago, he expected me to take him out and pay for it FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 204

By notkatvond - 19/06/2013 18:46 - United States

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 017

You deserved it 4 084

Thicker than blood

By fat fat fat fat fat - 23/03/2021 05:01

Today, despite the fact that I’ve been battling cancer for the past year and was hospitalized for Covid, all my family can talk about is how much weight I’ve gained. Yeah, not like being out of work, quarantined and on a ton of meds has anything to do with it. Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 73

Aaand blocked.

By wtf fml - 20/03/2018 17:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 345

You deserved it 493

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Top comments

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Sunday 7 July 2019 22:21

Practise safe sex. Always wear a saddle.

Lucky O'Guin 15

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Sunday 7 July 2019 22:46

I think he just wanted to share a tinder moment with you.

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 7 July 2019 22:21

Practise safe sex. Always wear a saddle.

Ellie Mc Ivor 10

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Sunday 7 July 2019 22:39

key word is "tried"

Lucky O'Guin 15

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Sunday 7 July 2019 22:46

I think he just wanted to share a tinder moment with you.

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 0:11

That’s just a new low I’m sorry

GamerChickxoxo 16

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Monday 8 July 2019 0:58

Careful now unprotected anal behind a lighthouse could lead to someone getting "shitwrecked" lol

blueknight1st 26

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Monday 8 July 2019 1:17

You met him on Tinder, what did you expect?

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Monday 8 July 2019 1:51

If you said no and he persisted, it could immediately become sexual assault if he gets physical/forceful.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 8 July 2019 2:12

Why is it other guys think they're entitled to some action the second a woman smiles at them? I'd hate to think what I'd be like if my brain was wired the same way.

Memnoc 26

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Monday 8 July 2019 2:16

It's the same guys that think sending a dick pic is a good idea. For the record, a dick pic is never a good idea!

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Monday 8 July 2019 22:47

How do you know it’s not two guys?

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Tuesday 9 July 2019 17:39

Either you clearly don't know what Tinder is for or you're just ignorant af and use Tinder for dating anyways thinking you'll find prince charming

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Wednesday 10 July 2019 12:36

Some guys can be so disgusting when they think they're entitled to sex. Or even when they don't think it.

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 3:23

Sounds like a pretty normal Tinder date.

Send a private message

Monday 8 July 2019 8:31

That sucks but Tinder isn't known for being classy.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 47

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 38