Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was grocery shopping when I left my cart to grab an item. I returned, and started pushing the cart again. Halfway through the store, a furious lady confronted me, demanding her cart back. I had to walk back in shame to find my own actual cart, which was now nowhere to be found. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
Today, I was getting food at a buffet. Suddenly, my mom appeared and started screaming at a guy for pushing me. I wasn't pushed by anyone, I just tripped over nothing. The poor guy looked so confused and embarrassed, and my mom wouldn't let me defend him. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML
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Top comments
Radix 3
It was me, sorry :)
linkinpark98 24
Maybe you're just considered really attractive by the ghost who owns the fruit section. ;)
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Comments (199)
Allahu_Akbar 1
Trust her guys!
mk58 31
Or maybe someone smacked your ass and then ran off?
ZombieBear430 4
Brings a whole new meaning to "fresh fruit"
Vanilla1Thrilla 0
Could've been the butler from Mr. Deeds... Sneaky, sneaky!
JuuChan 3
Maybe you have that weird alien hand syndrome and slapped your own ass?
icallbullshit 3
Nice.
bizarre_ftw 22
Well just incase, make sure to take that shopping cart with you
fsamslife92 8
Take it as a compliment. The invisible man thinks you have a nice ass.
CRking 0
It was god...
Awsumuzzie 12
That's what happens when you try to fill that void of having no affection. You'll get used to it, I was creeped out when something similar occurred to me. I was taking a shower and got a sweet back massage. I turned around and only the curtains moved a bit.