By lean_mean_meme_machine - United States - Tampa Today, I was visiting my grandma who has a beagle named Max. He was so excited to see me, he jumped on my face and peed. FML I agree, your life sucks 8334 You deserved it 677 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United Kingdom Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML I agree, your life sucks 52232 You deserved it 2750 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Brecksville Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML I agree, your life sucks 24413 You deserved it 43303 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eayers2689 - United States Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML I agree, your life sucks 18599 You deserved it 58960 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blah - Canada Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML I agree, your life sucks 66762 You deserved it 3796 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By verysadasian - United States Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML I agree, your life sucks 46453 You deserved it 29155 269 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotThatKind - United States Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 24580 You deserved it 42329 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lexithepirate - United States Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML I agree, your life sucks 21816 You deserved it 2721 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crzyry - Canada Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML I agree, your life sucks 37494 You deserved it 3095 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML I agree, your life sucks 38603 You deserved it 2675 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By frustrated - Ireland Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML I agree, your life sucks 68608 You deserved it 5716 310 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lana - Austria Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML I agree, your life sucks 12822 You deserved it 43461 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Beefy Man - United States - Lehi Today, I spent eight hours cutting, curing, and aligning on the racks, six months worth of beef to be dried for some tasty jerky, only to find out my dehydrator is broken beyond repair, and would cost as much to fix as the soon-to-spoil meat that I bought. FML I agree, your life sucks 13370 You deserved it 1884 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AnAngryyGiraffe - United States - Chatsworth Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML I agree, your life sucks 6570 You deserved it 3905 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kirrby - United States Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML I agree, your life sucks 35853 You deserved it 4516 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By i love stupid people Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML I agree, your life sucks 1902 You deserved it 106 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yuuucky - Canada Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML I agree, your life sucks 36526 You deserved it 17064 206 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vegantreegirl Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 2400 You deserved it 278 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DrugDeal - Canada Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML I agree, your life sucks 33547 You deserved it 3385 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TheMike23 - United States - Winter Garden Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML I agree, your life sucks 20815 You deserved it 2266 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DamnMyOvaries - United States - Groves Today, I fainted in the lunch line at school due to extreme period cramps, and ended up having to get seven stitches on my face. This is the third time I've fainted because of my period this year. FML I agree, your life sucks 6415 You deserved it 506 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By _Oblivion_ - United States Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML I agree, your life sucks 22766 You deserved it 13570 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fun in functioning, I suppose - United States - Starkville Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML I agree, your life sucks 38128 You deserved it 5653 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Infadel - United States - San Marcos Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML I agree, your life sucks 37750 You deserved it 10468 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dumass - United States - Columbus Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML I agree, your life sucks 34518 You deserved it 21076 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Y_Y - United States Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML I agree, your life sucks 32567 You deserved it 2886 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BoohooBouquet Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML I agree, your life sucks 6597 You deserved it 454 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By redneckfamily - United States - Roy Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML I agree, your life sucks 39893 You deserved it 3659 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jioune - France - Caluire Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML I agree, your life sucks 13437 You deserved it 2513 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DENTALITY - Norway Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML I agree, your life sucks 28977 You deserved it 3637 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 02:00 Fresh air Today, my parents actually kicked me into the back garden and made me sit outside for an hour so they could have sex without having to worry about me hearing them go at each other like a pair of 15-stone rabbits hopped up on Viagra. FML I agree, your life sucks 1425 You deserved it 343 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Ireland Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML I agree, your life sucks 13113 You deserved it 23466 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By criley - United States - Los Angeles Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML I agree, your life sucks 49626 You deserved it 6504 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By argfarblewarblearble - Canada - Edmonton Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML I agree, your life sucks 25782 You deserved it 2314 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Blondie - United States Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML I agree, your life sucks 9643 You deserved it 40955 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By slitherasssnape - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes Today, in science class, I was bored and playing with a paper towel, dipping it into a container of water. When my teacher caught me and asked what I was doing, I panicked and said I was 'drying the water'. FML I agree, your life sucks 10767 You deserved it 3262 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hormones apparently - United States - Westerville Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML I agree, your life sucks 24829 You deserved it 3522 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wheel 4 Today, I went out with my best friend, his girlfriend, and a girl they've been wanting to introduce to me. I thought they wanted to set us up, but it turns out they're a throuple and wanted me to be the first to know. I think I'm the first fourth wheel in history. FML I agree, your life sucks 5192 You deserved it 358 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML I agree, your life sucks 36242 You deserved it 3006 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I need a new ballsack. - United Kingdom - Macclesfield Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML I agree, your life sucks 30286 You deserved it 4456 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By veggiegal - United States Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML I agree, your life sucks 47337 You deserved it 7843 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dave_Davington | 33 #6721241 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:33 Just think, if the dog weren't named Max, all of this could've been avoided. Send a private message 81 1 Reply
By Tripartita | 44 #6721230 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:01 "Today, I was visiting my grandma" Ah, interesting. I wonder how the grandmother will fit into this… "who has a beagle named Max. " Huh, I wonder how the name will be relevant… "… he jumped on my face and peed. FML" Oh. That was useful info. Send a private message 79 3 Reply
By Frabens | 1 #6721220 - Sunday 11 December 2016 1:46 How did a dog get on your face again? Send a private message 9 1 Reply
By RichardPencil | 29 #6721222 - Sunday 11 December 2016 1:50 Why was the dog's name important? It'd be funny if his name were FlowMax. Send a private message 5 5 Reply
Reply sweet_ivory | 0 #6721237 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:17 MAXimum details ..I'm sorry Send a private message 10 4 Reply
Reply Devolution | 8 #6721242 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:45 You should be Send a private message 6 1 Reply
Reply sweet_ivory | 0 #6721248 - Sunday 11 December 2016 3:02 forgive me for my sins FML comment section Send a private message 4 5 Reply
Reply Enslaved | 36 #6721258 - Sunday 11 December 2016 3:34 Grody to the... Send a private message 4 0 Reply
Reply RichardPencil | 29 #6721261 - Sunday 11 December 2016 3:35 I forgive you. Send a private message 0 4 Reply
By Kattsu | 0 #6721229 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:01 Claimed his territory Send a private message 4 1 Reply
By Tripartita | 44 #6721230 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:01 "Today, I was visiting my grandma" Ah, interesting. I wonder how the grandmother will fit into this… "who has a beagle named Max. " Huh, I wonder how the name will be relevant… "… he jumped on my face and peed. FML" Oh. That was useful info. Send a private message 79 3 Reply
Reply bigbadbarley | 1 #6721359 - Sunday 11 December 2016 7:37 a young kid wrote it probably just chill.. Send a private message 0 4 Reply
Reply Tripartita | 44 #6721362 - Sunday 11 December 2016 7:53 oh good point never thought of it like that im sorry i overreacted.. Send a private message 7 2 Reply
By MilkyPhoenix07 | 3 #6721235 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:10 Max Excitedness, Max Pee. Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By Dave_Davington | 33 #6721241 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:33 Just think, if the dog weren't named Max, all of this could've been avoided. Send a private message 81 1 Reply
Reply Lalala579121 | 27 #6721285 - Sunday 11 December 2016 4:27 Or if the dog was OP's grandpa's not grandma's. Send a private message 10 0 Reply
By RichardPencil | 29 #6721244 - Sunday 11 December 2016 2:47 If Max were a Jack Russell Terrier, I'd believe he could jump on his face and pee. But, a beagle? Only when Snoopy was on his flying doghouse has a beagle flown high enough to pee in someone's face. Send a private message 9 1 Reply
By niallo | 23 #6721270 - Sunday 11 December 2016 3:54 A Golden Shower from a pet. Hummm. Normally this is on a mid-priced disk. FYL just for your reputation. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By loser_mgee | 2 #6721319 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:42 If it makes you feel any better, my grandfathers dog jumped on me and puked, this caused my grandfather to yell at me for provoking him.... Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By jk_waks23 | 19 #6721331 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:05 "I choose you", said the dog! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract... I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 3 1 Comments
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking... I agree, your life sucks 69 You deserved it 479 5 Comments
Ah, interesting. I wonder how the grandmother will fit into this…
"who has a beagle named Max. "
Huh, I wonder how the name will be relevant…
"… he jumped on my face and peed. FML"
Oh. That was useful info.