Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML
Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML
Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML
Today, I had to give my four year-old daughter some tough love, which I hate doing. When she ran away crying, my son, her twin brother, looked at me and said, "You should be ashamed of yourself." FML
Today, when I got home from the store, the dog was wiping his ass on the carpet, my two older boys were brawling, my youngest was crying because he'd broken a glass and cut himself, and my husband was in the kitchen, eating the cake I'd told him to leave alone. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to help me with groceries, since the last of my money went to last week's groceries. His response was to start a fight, then tell me it's my fault my daughter acts the way she does, which is when he finally got me to break down and cry. I'm pregnant with his kid, and I also pay 90% of our bills. FML
Today, after a fight, my boyfriend brought me a soda that exploded when I opened it. Furious at his constant childish bullshit, I threw his ass out. Two hours later, my son confessed that he'd shaken the cans as a joke. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he'd blocked my number. FML
Today, my husband broke a set of dishes, told me I had to clean it all up, and stormed out of the house. It’s now 3:30am and he still hasn’t come home. Our 5 year-old son keeps asking about him. What warranted all this? Asking him how his day went. FML
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Top comments
bigmoney12 3
Aww that's messed up
yankeebaceball 1
Good Idea! You should've given him a dollar to do something to return the favor though!
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Comments (143)
justalilcrazy 3
I'd like to know what the fight was over?
lidemocr 0
No kidding, her crying alone in the bathroom hysterically? Was Cops called??
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
They were fighting over bribing their four year old son to do stuff :D
perdix 29
I guess he's going the cheap route before trying more expensive means. For $10k, Dad can get a hitman to shut Mommy up for good.
FarSide 22
It's the New York way. For $10, the kid could of hired a New Jersey hit man for $6, then used the remainder to enjoy a hot slice of pie.
oneleggedbeauty 0
Sorry, but you're husbads a doucheee
ben20262 7
It appears you spelled douche wrong.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Your* husband's* douce*
jizzwold 21
Failure
White_Knightspc 0
Give him 5 dollars to poo on dads sports car.
muchagente 5
so your husband knew what makes you stop feeling bad and arranged it, regardless of the costs.... seems like a loving caring man to me. you are a lucky woman.
missyj0 12
I reeeally hope this was sarcasm.
uprising_fml 0
except for the fact that daddy had him do it to make mommy shut up. she was crying and that is what he wants ? that sounds more like he doesn't give a **** ..
jizzwold 21
It is a possibility that op just added the words "shut up", even though they were never said in real life, to incite empathy from all those on fml.
notthatlucky 0
if that's not sarcastic.... go die in a hole, dumbass
zmunnam 5
I smell divorce
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
One day you'll get laid
BooGhosted 0
It's all divorce , sue or just plain revenge.. It makes my brain hurt.
deaper 16
One day you'll make a comment that makes some ******* sense…
kyz_xox 11
You smell divorce ... and it smells like shit!
smashgrab 0
Husband sounds like a winner to me! Full of tiger blood!
MickieRose 5
pay ur son 20 bucks to punch dad in the nuts, i think dad would get the idea then....
patrickalamo 47
Job well done little guy
loserman67 35
Give him $10. To go back and tell Dad that he'll be delivering the divorce papers once they are drawn up. Sorry, but your husband is a real skunk, number one for not having the balls to face you himself and number two for putting your kid in the middle. On second thought, give your kid a $20 and tell him to tell Daddy that he'll be delivering the pictures of you banging the neighbor once they are developed
elisabeth1_fml 0
And giving the kid 20 bucks to deliver her message isn't putting that child in the middle. Awful how parents don't stop and consider the welfare if their innocent children in domestic fights.